Time Management

Are we twins? I too have a grade schooler, a preschooler (I'm a room parent in both classes), and a baby (14 months old, and in the past week has gone from being just a clingy 31 pounder to a holy terror!!!). I don't cook alot from scratch (Hamburger Helper is a favorite around here. Does growing the beef myself count as my share of scratch?). I was going to bible study, but the baby had to come with me, wouldn't stay in the nursery (it was an 8 week session that is now over). I write two weekly columns for the county's newspaper (for my tiny community and the school), and I help DH with our farm and ranch, mainly go-fer (go for lunch, go for parts, feed cows, etc).

One thing that has helped is the Flylady system. Have you heard of it? It's about how to keep your house and life in order and not in CHAOS. Check it out at www.flylady.net, then come join us on the Flybaby thread where we post our TODO list, our TADA list (what we got done), or just rant and rave about how awful our day was (what I did today).

I think with three kids, you don't stop going, especially at the ages ours are. Between naps at different times of the day, taking the kids to and from school, helping at school, Cheerleading and going to the games they cheer in (PTA in your case), night wakings (thankfully, those days seem to be over for now), never ending laundry, etc, it's going to stay busy.

Anyway, check out the flylady thing, and welcome to this site! I hope to get to know you!! Baby is calling, must go!

Jo,

I hear ya! I only have two kids, almost 5 and almost 7 and we are VERY busy with their activities, school, plus my PT work. My youngest is not in school yet, only preschool. I'm just trying very hard to limit their activities and ours - only do what is important and what will make you and them happy!

Andrea

No advice to offer, I think we're all serching for the answer to that one But I did want to welcome you to the best site on the web and second Jenny's advice about joining us on flybabies thread. If nothing else it's somewhere to vent when you need to.
Again, Welcome

Jamie Lea

...aside from the money issue. I couldn't imagine running one of my (then) four children out to the preschool in the middle of homeschooling three times per week. We have yet to become involved in any sports because the thought of practice times and running to games overwhelms me. But I want my kids to have outside involvements with other children! With 5 kids, eventually doing conceivably 5 different activities, I don't know how it could happen. I need to talk to the ladies in my church & homeschool group about how to manage it (many of them have four or more).

It's even harder when the kids go to school, I think, because parents do have something of an obligation to stay involved and that means PTA and running around to events, etc. At least with homeschooling I have the option of staying home more, but there's the guilt factor (are they getting enough social interaction, etc.).

... Susanna you don’t need to get advice to get more scheduled, in my opinion your schedule choice now is a great one for your family to live comfortably with.

I don’t do all those extra activities or over schedule my self, nor do I plan to ever!!!! I simplify mine, my children's thus our family life. My daughter likes ballet but not as much as she likes the free time and the lack of schedule. Unless they LOVE something only then will I make the time to cart them around to do it. Otherwise they play with the17 kids in the cul-de-sack. Some of the kids get obviously frustrated when they have to leave because they’d rather stay and play but they have to go to this or that practice for something they really don’t love and could live without....because parents today think kids neeeed this to have a full childhood. Yet the parents look frazzled over it all, “you wanted to start this now you’re gonna finish it” attitude. I know to start and finish something is a good life lesson to learn (in regards to things that matter but not extra circular activities) So when my daughter wanted to quit ballet I said sure.... np. There’s lotsa things I do as an adult, aside from real responsibilities, like quit a mommy group or something because it turned out to be something I didn’t love as much as I thought I would...

I don’t know if this makes sense, but my advice is to simplify and decide what you realllllyyyyyy have to and need to do, and sometimes this means not doing everything your child wants to do. My daughter wants me to volunteer more. As is I do once a month if that. I’d do more if I wanted to AND if the school needed it. But the school has more volunteers then they have work- I hear- yet some moms that volunteer often complain about there not being enough time in a day and run around frazzled. Thus I tell my daughter that “I do what I can, when I can, and when it is needed and if I don’t do as much as other mommies it is because that is how I choose to show my love for you. I want you to come home to a happy mommy who isn’t frazzled and having break downs off and on, so have a happy home.” Sometimes children need to know when they are asking too much, it is the parents prerogative to say no. I often tell them that I am saying no because I love you and though you don’t understand this now when you grow up you will appreciate that I taught you how to say no through example. This tooo is an important life lesson, learning that you can’t have or do everything you want, even when you grow up and that sometimes you have to sacrifice a “want” for a “need.” I think many children today are loosing this learning opportunity, parents are meeting all their wants thinking that they are enriching their lives. But how enriched is life when it is all done with hustle and bustle. I for one remember a less hectic childhood, where we had lots of down time, time to be bored and we had to learn how to be creative and entertain ourselves....many children today don’t have those skill either because there is no down time to fill with self discovered creativeness..... hmm I’m rambling and trying to make a point but thinking I should stop here before I write toooo much and still never really get across what I am trying to get across without sounding harsh or judgmental.... it’s just that too much is too much sometimes and while meaningful parents are thinking they are doing good, they really are doing more harm then good. I want my children to enjoy their childhood and not be tied to a schedule for crying out loud, they have their whole life to be scheduled. I for one never had a schedule till I was an adult and not having one as a child has not hindered my ability as an adult to manage a schedule successfully. It is important to learn life lesson while young, when the lessons are little, but the key word is little -simple - easy to live with.... and some life lessons don’t need to be learned until they are grown.... just my 2 cents

when handed a basket of lemons make lemonade

Charlene

LOL!!! Joleen, I saw you are in Montana. I don't know how rural the part you are in is, but it's pretty desolate where I am in New Mexico, and the school is just about all the activities we have here. Our school is pre-k thru 12 all in the same building, with almost 300 total enrollment. Our sports are limited to 6-man-football and basketball and baseball for boys, volleyball, basketball, and cheerleading for girls. If you are at all athletic, you do it all. The basketball games are all on one night. When the girls get done playing theirs, they change clothes so they can cheer for the boys. Some are on JV, Varsity, and still cheer! Nearly all the kids do 4-H, and nearly all do Future Farmers Of America. That's just the way it is. At least you don't have to try out for anything, you just sign up and your in! LOL! And when you are MILES from other children nearby, running around is just part of it.

When I'm feeling overwelmed, I just remember that some day they will all be grown and I will want these days back. And when they are grown, there will be plenty of ME time. Someday the house will be quiet and empty and I will wonder where these days went when I felt pulled every which way.

And now, a word from our sponsers, a diaper company, because I must change a stinky one! LOL!

I'm not sure about whether to push for an activity or not either. So far I've taken the approach of letting my kids try one at a time, after a lot of discussion beforehand about how much time and money it involves, and how I'd really like them to give it a good try before deciding whether they like it or not. My daughter saw through her 2yrs of Yamaha music course and decided afterwards that she didn't want to pursure music. For a few months until a Chinese Guzheng class was on offer in her school and she shocked me by being most insistent that she wanted to learn. I'm not going to be the one stomping all over her chance to experience her Chinese culture firsthand so I gave in, and that lasted barely a single term. Now she's banned from further classes. If I'd insisted it would have ended up being something I hated even more than her, and the stress caused by a hated extra-curricular is something I personally choose to do without. I do insist on the kids finishing their term though, and there are big discussions beforehand, but otherwise I just have to hope that giving them a chance to experience these different things is a good idea. I can definitely understand the idea of pushing the child to persevere, and I have explained that things like music or art won't just *come* unless they put in the effort. I guess at the end of the day you have to know your own child and see whether they will be the type to appreciate you pushing them or the type to resent it.

Fortunately my son loves his art class! He loves music too, but he's not the type to sit still and get the most out of the Yamaha class. A more movement-based class would be good for him, but that would mean a lot more money and a lot further away, so for now we'll stick with art (no way either of them gets more than one at once, unless one is a temporary academic class they need to boost them in school) and if he thinks he'd like to try out some music later he can either wait to see what his primary school offers in another couple of years or he can ask REALLY nicely and be REALLY sure that he wants to give up his art class in favour of music! Sometimes it's hard for kids to know what they'd like to do when they're still quite young (mine are 7 and 5), so it's understandable if they have certain expectations and the class turns out to be radically different from what they thought it would be.

I hope your decision to let go of the preschool will free up a lot more of your time. I have to say that your son probably enjoyed the social aspect more than the actual learning, and obviously that's not really something you can replace. Some kids, when they first go out to preschool or kindergarten, the novelty of having so many other friends to play with is just incredible - sounds like your son is one of those. Mine were too, although I also held my son back a year because he would have been the youngest and he was quite aggressive for playgroup, and bigger than the other kids too. By the time he went for nursery at age 3 he was much more ready, although my daughter had been very ready at 2 1/2 for playgroup, because she didn't have anybody to play with at all because her brother was still a baby then.

Sounds like your schedule is going to be a bit more relaxed. It's good that you recognised how frazzled you were getting. We all try to do too much at times, and I know that when I read the schedules of most mothers in the US with all the car pooling and the sports practices and umpteen other different activities... I wonder whether your 24hrs are even the same as mine!?! One thing that can be useful is knowing WHY you're doing certain activities, what you get out of it. If you're very sure you can justify it, then go ahead, but if you find yourself scrabbling for reasons, or feeling that *you ought to*, that might be something to let go of. Not everyone can be so involved in all their kids' schools. Maybe the parents with one child, or less scheduling conflicts would be in a better position to take on the helping roles than someone with a few children and other commitments. Not every parent can accompany the school trips for example, and I refuse to feel bad about it when I know that it's mostly the ones with only one child who can manage that (or the ones with a parent and/or maid at home to look after a younger child!).

Late night chattering is turning into an epic as usual...

Kerri.

Sounds like you’ve got it pretty together. Yeaaaa. I had to take my first out of pre-school too and it was the social she missed more then the learning as Kerri pointed out. BUT I helped that by offering to friends with kids the same age to drop their kids off for play dates- I didn’t have to run around and my social queen got to socialize. Now with my second I found an ideal pre-school setting. It’s called parents pre-school. We meet once a week in the elementary school’s pre-school room, on the day their pre-school is out. The moms plan together the curriculum for the day and it only cost $2 per day for the supplies. Viola pre-school, socialize, school room setting for cheep and only one day a week.... except when they miss that day like my girl did last Friday cuz of a cold now she has to wait a whole week but on the good side I don’t pay anything unless she goes yeaaaaa

Oh one quick response to what your karate instructor said....

“My son's karate instructor said to me once, I've never heard an adult say "THanx mom and dad for letting me quit....." But many adults thank their parents for making them stick to something that resulted in a life time career or interest”

1- Of course he would never hear an adult thank a parent for letting em quit... because he isn’t in that circle anymore. My daughter actually and I’m not saying this to make a point, but she realllly did thank me for not making her go to ballet anymore.... and I didn’t share this with her instructor

2- It isn’t very often that extra-circular activities result in a life time career.... a life time love but not often more then that. I do admit tho that these activities help their foundation for adulthood on many different levels. But for sure anything they do extracurricular is for sun and not for prep for a career. I didn’t enroll my child in ballet in hopes that she becomes a professional ballerina.

But I stand firm that they are helpful when a positive experience, and hurtful when not enjoyed... at least that is how I feel now when my girls are young, maybe when they are older i may change... I think I like Kerri’s stand in trying it, and then not making em continue after a true effort, no need to torture them and yourself just because they wanted to.

And I will be mindful of what Jenny said too, they are only young for once and things will be empty and quiet before you know it... so I will do my best to help then do all they want within limits and tell them no when I have to and spread myself as far as possible without getting frazzled AND I hope I do it as well as it sounds like you are doing Joleen.

when handed a basket of lemons make lemonade

Charlene