Relationships

o, you think you know your spouse. Could you correctly answer 20 questions about his or her favorite things? Most people are surprised that after many years of marriage their answers are off target.

Test your knowledge about your spouse's favorite things by spending an evening together creating flash cards. Create two sets of index-sized cards on which to write questions and answers. One set should have your answers and on the other set, write what you think will be your spouse's answer. The cards are a gold mine of gift ideas for future thoughtful surprises.

o you really need a getaway but you can't afford a vacation? Terrible week at work, but the kids have a birthday party on Sunday, and you can't take the whole weekend off? Consider a local escape -- one night at a nice hotel in town can be a great way to rejuvenate without excessive time or expense.

arents need timeout from parental duties to keep the spark between husband and wife ablaze. Whether it's a table for two, a concert, movie, or even a sleep over (empty nest or at an inn), quality time as a couple is important to a marriage and family.

If you don't think you can afford these dates without worrying about your kids' happiness and safety, and childcare costs, you're not alone. For this reason, consider a child-swapping network with other couples. It's a convenient, inexpensive, reliable and rewarding alternative to a babysitter.

on't despair if you're on a budget--"away" can be a state of mind. Remember when you first dated? It seemed like all kinds of places could be romantic just because you were together. Looking back now, you might agree that the setting or the cost didn't reflect the world's ideal of a romantic experience, but the memories were made and the romance was obvious.

When my husband and I were dating in college, one June night, we spent a wonderfully fun romantic evening at the semi-lit playground of a local elementary school. I remember how hard we laughed as we pushed each other on the swings and challenged each other to small-scale athletic feats. Believe it or not, we weren't the only adults there! When a couple from Omaha decided to try it, they left the oldest of their three children in charge and headed to a nearby playground that they enjoy as a family. They loved the peaceful rhythm of conversation that usually can't be theirs when the children are along.

emember the days when you and your spouse were dating and everything he or she did seemed like magic? The funny fruit drinks mixed in the blender were like love potions; the Rambo films you were suddenly introduced to seemed like works of cinematic art. You were smitten. Everything your Other Half found interesting was exciting because it was shared with love and passion. Through "passion sharing" (a concept not nearly as risqué as it sounds), you can relive some of the excitement of the early days of courtship.

Instead of using the kids' Saturday nap as a time to slip off alone to your favorite book/televised sports game/hobby, invite your spouse along and share with them the thing that gives you pleasure in your "free time." Of course, you'll have to return the favor: Trade those two hours between your children's bedtime and your own when you usually check e-mail and surf the 'Net, for a visit to your Other Half's favorite pasttime. Learning something new has never been so romantic.

Here's how to make Passion Sharing work for you

onsidering how much fuss parents make over their kids birthdays (theme parties, special dinners, cupcakes at school, etc.), and how little fuss they make over their own ("oh, I don't want anything special this year, honey"), you'd think birthdays were something you outgrow. While turning 33 may not seem quite as momentous as turning 3, or 13, you never outgrow an excuse to celebrate.

Your birthday is the perfect opportunity for you and your spouse to plan a date, start a tradition and take a break from the grind to remember that you can still have fun. Here are some tips from parents on how to make the most of the grown-up birthdays in your life.

n the middle of a session the other day I had a powerful realization. I was asked to think of a relationship I had with something in the last week that in my mind was the ideal relationship, and to think of what it was about that relationship that made it ideal.

A number of men in the group thought of their cars, toolsheds, families, workmates, old friends, even relationships with objects such as their television remote, recliner chair, or favorite pair of shoes. To each of these men, these things felt comfortable, and simple. The relationships they had with these people or objects was rewarding and easy to maintain.

When my turn came to identify my ideal relationship, I thought of my dog. My dog has very simple needs, and it is the ultimate ego-boost for me when I get home at night and I am greeted in such an enthusiastic fashion. I don’t know of any others that greet me so enthusiastically night after night. No matter how long I have been away from the house or no matter how my day has been. I call this unconditional love.

or some people, finding a good wine is a lifetime's work. But if you're among the number of people who'd just like to find a wine they enjoy, maybe even two wines--a red and a white, have no fear. You can get to a point where you can handle some wine basics without too much trouble. And you can have fun getting there by setting up a wine-tasting evening. An Ohio couple who tried this said they'd enjoy such an evening again "whether it's just the two of us or several couples--as long as we keep it casual."

And right here I'm going to state emphatically that pregnant moms-to-be will have to wait until that baby is born--no ifs, ands, or buts.

Decide what it is you want to learn: To train your palate to distinguish between dry and sweet wine? To be able to tell expensive wines from mid-range ones? To be able to tell domestic wines from foreign ones? You might be surprised to discover that even so-called aficionados, when blindfolded, can't always distinguish a red from a white. So the first rule is not to be stuffy. We've all heard the rule of thumb, "Red wine goes with red meat and white wine with white meat," but adherence to this dictum does not a wine connoisseur make.

he argument started when you mentioned that he didn't take out the trash -- again. He made a snappy retort, you both started raising your voices, and several unkind words later, that simple comment about a once a week chore blew up into a full scale War of the Roses. After dusting yourself off, you begin to wonder: Can you and your guy ever get through a week without squabbling?

Maybe. But even if you can avoid some arguments, "trying to prevent conflict altogether is not only unrealistic, it's undesirable," says Linda Sapadin, PhD, author of Master Your Fears: How to Triumph over Your Worries and Get on with Life (Wiley). "Working things out with your mate, negotiating and resolving conflict is absolutely healthy, as long as you do it in a productive way."

Here's how you and your mate can roll with the punches -- without hitting below the belt.

very marriage will go through times of challenge. Some marriages will be strengthened while others will be destroyed. Tough times may be as common as financial problems or the aftermath of a hurtful argument. Marriages may suffer as the result of a miscarriage or the death of a loved one. Whatever challenge you face, remember this:

It is better to be prepared for tough times and not have them than to have tough times and not be prepared.

Here are five of the essential principles to strengthen your relationship and give you an edge during times of adversity.

f your date nights have devolved into ordering Thai takeout and worshiping at the temple of TiVo, it's time to shake things up a bit. Here, help from Yfat Reiss, one of the authors of 102 Great Dates for Any Budget (Stewart Tabori & Chang) on how to do date night right.

oes a weekend at the dentist office sound more appealing than a weekend with your in-laws? Does your husband's mom win the Smother-in-Law of the Year award year after year? If so, you're not alone. Weekends and holidays spent with in-laws are notoriously packed with stress and can be anything but joyous for most people. But does that mean you should try to out-law your in-laws? Not at all, say the experts. In fact, your inner frustrations can be used to your advantage and maybe even improve your relationship. Here's how.

ave you begun to think lately that your middle name is "exhausted?" If you have a baby in the house, chances are the furthest thing from your mind is having sex with your spouse. While it is natural to feel this way, making sex a priority is a must for your relationship to be healthy, according to Laura Berman, PhD, director of the Berman Center, best-selling author, and sexual health and relationship expert. 

Of course, this is not to say that you shouldn't give yourself a break for at least six weeks after the birth of your baby. And if you're breastfeeding, sex can be a bit trickier -- but sex is still possible and can do wonders for your relationship.

My daughter is getting married in December of this year. We are a homeschooling, one-income family. Any economical ideas for weddings? We are thinking of catering the reception ourselves but would also like to be able to enjoy the wedding.
--Carole

A successful wedding does not have to be an expensive wedding. Success should be determined by whether the bride, groom and the guests enjoyed themselves. Having a wedding on a tight budget does not mean having to give up style or the fond memories. It just takes some planning and shopping around.

I was wondering if you had any ideas for affordable things for couples to do together on those rare times when you get a sitter (Grandma). Dinner and a movie are so expensive and that's really all my husband and I do when we go out!

Even married couples need to go on dates. It's not necessary to spend a lot of money on these dates--indeed, many can be done for free. Before movie theaters, snow mobiles, ski lifts, or even cars, people had fun.

Putting pen to paper to say "I love you" is both a lot harder (do you have to sound poetic?) and a lot easier (no, you don't have to sound poetic) than it seems. It's also a surprisingly powerful way to express feelings that makes both the reader and the writer understand what those three little words really mean. Don't know where to begin? First, close your eyes, meditate, and listen to all the ways and reasons you love the people you love.

he moment finally feels right: You finally got the kids to bed, you've slipped into something sexy that's not stained with finger-paint, and then...zzz. You are conked out.  For you and your partner, the lure of the sleep wins out over sex yet again.

Time and energy may not be things any young mom has in abundance, but fortunately, you don't need either to add sizzle to a sex life that might be slumping, says Lou Paget, a sex educator and the author of Hot Mamas (Doubleday Canada).  She shared her surprisingly easy tips for reconnecting with your husband inside and outside the bedroom.