Tomorrow John and I celebrate 13 years of official state-sanctioned partnership. We're whooping it up tonight; fortuitously, the girls will be at a Girl Scouts sleepover.
We got married under a tree in our back yard, three days after he asked me for the second time to marry him. The first time, I said yes, but we didn't set a date, and as the date-setting time approached he got more and more nervous. Finally, he said, "Marry me tomorrow," and I said the county makes us wait three days. So he said, "Marry me in three days." So I did.
We both worked a half-day, and a flower cart on the bus mall did my flowers. We had to wait until Lou was born to afford decent rings, and made do on the event with $5 silver bands. We spent our wedding night at Edgefield (Thursday night special), and he went back to work the next day.
They said it wouldn't last, but we've been best friends from the day we met 15 years ago this November. I truly have never had a better friend than my John.
Josie made John a paper bag puppet version of him for his 36th birthday today (happy birthday, baby). It looks just like him. John also wanted to test out the video on our digital camera. So if you've ever wondered what I look and sound like:
I laughed so hard I'm sleepy now! Apologies for the awful video, we really were just testing it out for ourselves. Tomorrow I'll get a picture of him next to the puppet, it's scary.
I think we may be going to see Santa in a bit. Pray for me. *gulp* I hate malls.
• Stressed? Hold your husband's hand. Seriously. Neural scans show it literally lowers women's stress levels to hold their husband's hand, if they have a happy marriage. All together now: Awwwww!
• James Kim might still be alive, had the search for him been better coordinated. The take-away: Don't expect help if you get stuck in an emergency situation in southern Oregon. If you'd like to contribute to the fund for Kati and the girls, a bunch of crafters (including a lot of Portland gals) have contributed to an auction for the family, and there are instructions there for donations without bidding as well.
• Speaking of emergencies, for crying out loud, don't run generators in the house! If you don't have emergency preps in place, please, please, take these latest situations to heart and get moving. I think John and I may be doing a series on this soon. People, you just cannot depend on the authorities to help you. That's not libertarian cant; that's the truth.
• Over-the-counter probiotics are mostly dead by the time they reach you, says a new study. Big surprise. You don't have to buy probiotics; you're much better off making your own. Much, much, MUCH cheaper, too.
• And finally, Google has released the 2006 Zeitgeist, a list of the most popular searches of the year. What the hell is bebo?! How out of it am I? For that matter, how out of it are people who need to search for MySpace?!
Lynn, I was going to send this to your personally but then I thought....we are all friends here and maybe someone else has something to offer. After reading your "meaning" post I need to write some things down. Before I get started, I want everyone to know the tone is friendly and part of it is my greiving process. I do not in any way want it to come off any other way. --read more
"Because of our beliefs, many of our people have been incarcerated and had their basic human rights stripped of them, namely life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness," said a 19-year-old identified only as Tyler. "I didn't come here today to ask for your permission to live my beliefs. I shouldn't have to."
Polygamy is banned in the Utah Constitution and is a felony offense. The rally was unusual because those who practice polygamy typically try to live under the radar.
It drew about 250 supporters to City Hall, said Mary Batchelor, co-founder of Principle Voices of Polygamy, which helped organize the event.
Polygamy's image moved further along on its path to refurbishment ... The AP made sure to note that the crowd was dressed mostly in flip-flops and blue jeans, that they spoke on cellphones and played loud music, and that many of them stressed that their home lives had not included "abuse, neglect [or] forced marriages."
My comment:
Why should anyone care how anyone else lives his or her personal life, especially if it's a religious choice? I understand Utah's history and why polygamy is a felony there; it's the only way they could get into the United States in the 19th Century. But this is the 21st Century.
Increasingly I am coming to believe that the government should not be in the marriage business. If people want to be recognized in a religious partnership in whatever configuration among consenting adults, it's their business and their religion's business. If people want to be recognized in a secular partnership, then it's the state's business. But it should not be called marriage, and I'm increasingly beginning to believe that civil partnerships should not have any special benefits attached to them. It's not fair and it's not right, and I say this as a legally married woman.
I don't even know how to explain the things my sister has said and emailed to me since I became pregnant, because they are so incoherent. I can't even see where she is coming from. Anyway, as best as I can express the phone call where I told her I was pregnant, she seems to think that DH and I are going to be unfit parents. So I said that if CPS takes the baby away (a ridiculous idea, there is no reason they would do that of course), I will recommend her to take custody. But she said "no, that's not what I meant." She kept saying she is "worried" about us, and said we had to take parenting classes because she didn't think we understood how much work it would be to take care of an infant (she has no children either, and has babysat more than I have but certainly I have taken care of babies many times and spent plenty of time with friends and their babies). I asked if she meant like the baby care classes at the hospital, but she said no. Earlier this year, she wanted me to go through Applied Behavioral Analysis to improve my life skills (I am not autistic and have no tendencies in that direction, other than being a Ph.D student!), and I did not do that; she wants me to do some equivalent. The most concrete reasons she can come up with for thinking there is some sort of problem are that our apartment is too messy and one of our two cats is obese.--read more
We went to a counselor to smooth the edges off our marriage. She didn't understand what we were doing there and complimented us repeatedly on how well we communicated. I gave up. I guessed she was right — our union was better than most — and resigned myself to stretches of slow-boil resentment and occasional sarcasm.
Then something magical happened. For a book I was writing about a school for exotic animal trainers, I started commuting from Maine to California, where I spent my days watching students do the seemingly impossible: teaching hyenas to pirouette on command, cougars to offer their paws for a nail clipping, and baboons to skateboard.
I listened, rapt, as professional trainers explained how they taught dolphins to flip and elephants to paint. Eventually it hit me that the same techniques might work on that stubborn but lovable species, the American husband.
The central lesson I learned from exotic animal trainers is that I should reward behavior I like and ignore behavior I don't. After all, you don't get a sea lion to balance a ball on the end of its nose by nagging. The same goes for the American husband.
The techniques she talks about are not really that manipulative--in fact they're common sense and they're ones I use all the time. "Stick to your knitting" is very good advice, and there's a great story in the Alcoholics Anonymous Big Book about your magnificent magnifying glass you can use to make your spouse's good points--or bad points--bigger and bigger. And that's all she's talking about.
And still, there's something off-putting about comparing your husband to a marine mammal, especially in print. And it's even more off-putting when you realize that the one you're training is yourself--NOT your husband. Al-Anon says "Keep the focus on yourself," and it's good advice indeed.
It's articles like this what cause unrest.--read more
DH and I celebrated thirteen years of marriage on Monday, a fact that I nearly forgot this year...remembered on Sunday that the next day was our anniversary. DH had forgotten too. At least we both forgot, usually it's stereotypically DH that forgets even though I remind him several times well in advance of an important BDay or something.--read more
One thing about myself that I've decided to be concious of lately is my listening skills. I was raised by a family that interrupted incessantly and had to break myself of the habit once I moved out and hooked up with He Who Would Become My DH out of sheer necessity. It was one of the hardest things I'd had to to up to that point--to shut up an let someone finish their sentence.--read more
Submitted by stocktondawg on Sat, 01/14/2006 - 8:32am.
Scoot had been slipping in and out of a coma for several months, yet his ol lady had stayed by his bedside every single day.
So one day, as Scoot came to, he motioned for her to come and sit by him.. --read more
Submitted by witchiepoo on Fri, 12/02/2005 - 1:57pm.
Warning:
Very long rant to follow. Feel free to return to your regularly scheduled program.
I am feeling very misunderstood today, and I hate that. I have worked very hard the last several years to communicate clearly, and when I know I have been clear, but I am misunderstood, it frustrates me. --read more
I kid you not....these two things were in my inbox this morning!
"The perfect no-stress environment is the grave. When we change our perception we gain control. The stress becomes a challenge, not a threat. When we commit to action, to actually doing something rather than feeling trapped by events, the stress in our life becomes manageable." - Greg Anderson--read more
It is Sunday and we are all cranky. I am sitting down to get out all my grips and whines so tonight I can come back and put down all I am blessed with. I can't really find that stuff right now since the crabbies are blurring my vision.--read more
Today markes 10 years of wedded bliss for DH and I. Did I say wedded "BLISS"? Well, it started the post off on the right foot! Made everyone warm and fuzzy.....but the truth is I have learned several things about marriage in 10 years:--read more
Submitted by jamielea on Wed, 08/31/2005 - 9:21pm.
That was the idea that struck me sometime around 2am this morning. I went to bed with a heavy heart thinking of my neighbors to the east who have lost SO much. I admit to possibly having a touch of OCD, seriously. I can get so sucked into things, to the point of feeling completely helpless and then obsessing over it almost to the point of insanity. (Well maybe not quite that far but you get the point) Well around 2am I decided that if I didn't come up with a plan to do something that I'd never be able to fall asleep and that's when it hit me.... --read more
My two older daughters are already working to hone their skills in some of the specialties on the list of a mother's many job descriptions. I've tried many things to allay my dd2's fears of deep water after a near-drowning experience last summer, but now her older sister has taken it upon herself to help me a bit. Our conversation went thus:--read more
OK, maybe I'm paranoid, but I really think one of my good friends doesn't like DD6. I've wondered about it on and off for at least a year no
Now, liking DD6 is not a requirement to be my friend. And I am fully aware that she is very sensitive, prone to bossiness, and annoying when whiny (which is far too often).--read more
Here is John with his paper bag doppelganger. See the resemblance? See why I laughed so hard?
In the Sunday NYT, Amy Sutherland writes 
