The Newbie
Hello everyone, I am new to this site and looking for as much advice and help I can get. I have four children. My oldest, Amber, is 10; my middle, Brentley, is 8; and I have twins, Alysson and Brendan are 6. My oldest has a different father than the other three and I am divorced from the father of the other three children. While I was married, I was a stay at home mom and was pretty good at it and enjoyed watching my kids grow and learn. I got divorced about 5 years ago and was a single working mom for a year before I met my fiance. I continued to work ever since then but have struggled to keep jobs because Brendan suffers from a behavioral disorder that we are still trying to figure and I have had to miss alot of work with him and also if one of the kids get sick, they all get sick, so I missed at least one day a week or a week at a time sometimes because I have children. I stayed home this last summer and things were better at home, less chaos and the kids were happy, but I went back to work when they started school and the chaos resumed to the point that I feel like I can't handle the stress anymore. I was raised by a stay at home mom, so my instinct says to stay home. I just quit my job and I am struggling with whether I made the right decision because of finances. We still don't have a house and live in an apartment because we can't afford a mortgage, and I really want a house for the kids, but working just doesn't feel like an option for me. I just need to know what others would do in my situation. When I work I still struggle because I barely contribute with the amount of time out of the office and my home feels completely upside down and I miss all of the important ceremonies at school for my kids because I have already missed so much work that I can't imagine asking for a hour away. Also, we don't have any outside help. There is no outside support system to help with the kids. Noone but I can pick them up or watch them when they are sick because everyone else works and we need my fiance to work and not miss anytime because he is the breadwinner and his income is what get us by. And he's an electrician so he needs to be there everyday to avoid being laid off or fired because let's face it, the economy isn't that great in construction right now. I just need any advice that anyone can give. I am not afraid to be a stay at home mom because I am in school and can finish that and return to work later, but I am afraid that I made the wrong decision financially. I am at wits end, because I don't feel I have any option and my heart is at home for the time being. Any advice or suggestion or words of encouragement would be great! Look forward to meeting and chatting with all of you!!
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(((((Hugs)))))
and chin up! It is a struggle managing on a single income, and you do have to adjust your priorities, and be very clever. Whoever thinks homemakers don't use their brains has obviously never tried to balance a budget, organise a families food shopping, get the laundry done, deal with childrens illnesses/homework/friendship problems, etc. etc.!! (and usually all at the same time...)
Do you do menu planning? That can help heaps with budgeting and making sure you use leftovers etc well, there's a whole board on leftovers here! I know of one mother who only shops for 6 days and on leftovers day everyone has to fend for themselves on whatever's lurking in the cupboards and fridge.
We also invest in warm underwear and pullovers so we can turn the heating down, and line dry clothes as much as possible, but obviously with 6 of you that depends how much space you have in the apartment! I have a similar thing to this: http://www.made-in-china.com/image/2f0j00HMFETJhwLPoeM/Stainless-Steel-Clothes-Airer-KSS-018-.jpg which can fit a whole load of washing and doesn't take up too much space.
Sounds like you've made a difficult decision, but obviously seems to be where your heart is, I wish you and your family all the best. I have twins + 2 too - fun, isn't it?!?!
Thanks!!
I know, twins + 2 is pretty fun! I love being a mom and like everyone else I have my days. At least it is not boring! Thanks for the tips. I know that I am capable of budgeting, and the good news is that my fiance's truck will be paid off in February, so that will save us A LOT of money every month by cutting down the amount for insurance on the vehicles and also by saving the close to 400 amount every month for the truck payment. I am excited to be able to do what my heart wants and I know it's possible. My fiance is pretty anal about money which sometimes stresses me out. I am fine as long as we all have what we need, but he thinks there should be close to a grand left in the bank at the end of every week or we have nothing. Being a former single mom of 4 children, I am used to making the money stretch and having hardly anything left at the end of the week. He on the other hand was single with no kids before he met me and was used to always having a substantial bank account. I explained to him that we can make it and to stop worrying about how much is left over as long as the bills are paid, we have gas in our vehicles, and there is food on the table. He is starting to come around and realize that when you go from supporting one person to supporting 6 that there is a big difference in where the money goes and how much is left over! But I am so thankful that I have such a large family! I wouldn't trade it for the world and I hope to turn my home back to the home it was before the chaos of work, school, four kids, and the responsibilities at home were being thrown together. I was raised by a stay at home mom and so many people knock it and look at you as if you are dumb or have no goals, but I think just the opposite... The most challenging and rewarding job comes from taking care of your kids and molding them into the people that you want them to be and at the same time being able to organize, budget, clean, cook, teach and attend to what other project needs to be attended to on a daily basis. I feel uplifted and a sudden serene feeling that I have not felt in a LONG time. I love to be at home with my babies and I love taking care of my fiance. I think that more people should pay attention to what God's plan was for us all along... I think they will all be rewarded. People work too hard to have material things, and while they are nice, you can't take them with you in the end. But you can raise your family properly and know when you leave the earth that you did what you were put on the earth to do. Sorry, I tend to ramble...
. Anyway, thank you for the tips and the advice on chin up! I feel better and will do what I am doing with pride and dignity everyday! Have a wonderful day!
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