Stay At Home Mom

I initially stayed at home when my first one was born because it was going to be more expensive to put her in daycare+gas to town than the money I brought home. And still, before she was born, I realized that I didn't want someone else raising my child for me. Did I really want to miss the first time she rolled over? Or walked? Or said mama (and did I want her to say mama to the daycare worker?!). Did I really want to wake her up early, drop her off for 10 hours, then pick her up to spend just a very few short hours before we all go to bed and start over again? Not in these first crucial years of her life.

And now that I have had 4 of the little rugrats, I wouldn't have had it any other way!!

Hi Dawn,
I'm staying at home for the same reasons as the other post (Jenn). I didn't want to miss out on those crucial years.

Both of my girls did go to part time daycare - my oldest started just after she turned 3 years old, and my youngest a little after she was 3 1/2. This was because they had no children in our neighbourhood to play with, and I believe playing with other children (not including siblings) is also crucial for their development. My oldest went for 3 days a week, because the nursery we picked didn't have any less, and she was used to going to their "open nursery" day. So it was the logical choice for us. My youngest goes only 2 days a week (she goes to a different nursery than my oldest daughter went to). Both girls benefited greatly from the best of both worlds (my oldest has now started school.

Other reasons:
I believe a mother's place is with her child, nurturing, supporting, developing - I wasn't going to let anyone take my place - this is the main reason.
Being recognized as the main caregiver - lots of babies/very young children get confused about the main carer when placed in nursery too early.
Your child is able to breastfeed as long as they want without worrying after weaning early due to nursery.
Being able to have relaxed days, at your own pace - much less stress
Cost effective - this is not an important reason, but it is a reason.
I believe the first 3 years of a child's life should be spent at home. Their family is their "world", which creates a safe environment for them. They shouldn't have to deal with the stress of being handed over to nurseries/babysitters etc. There will be time for that much later - where it has its place.
What is the role of a mum if she doesn't want to stay home and nurture her child? The role of a mum should not be replaced/deserted - it's the most important role in life.

This is for starters...

Two things I wanted to say. First, I was reading online with DH this evening, and he read your post. He's a statistical methodologist by trade (he debunks studies), and his suggestion to you was that you find studies that find the exact opposite of what you are trying to prove , and then show how their study methods were flawed or biased as part of your research, because a lot of the studies that show that children don't need their mothers are, shall we say, loaded from the get-go? In other words, no one wants to find out that what the majority is doing to their children is a bad thing. He said that if you private messaged me, he'd be willing to explain what he means in more detail (as it would probably bore the socks off most folks, sometimes it does me!!). His last completed study was along these lines...he debunked a study that "proved" that screening new babies for hearing was causing mothers to not bond as well to their babies (in other words, the study concluded that mothers didn't want to know if there was a problem, which after re-doing the study was COMPLETELY not true!)

Anyhow, as for why I chose to stay home:
The choice was hard for me, down to the wire. I'd had my first son while finishing a degree in HR, and when I graduated was taking interviews via phone while being with him. He was 6 months old and being absolutely amazing, as babies are. I was a pretty protective mama, and had a hard time finding anyone who I thought would care for him, and teach him like I thought should be done. He was also kind of cranky, and it took all the patience I could muster to be kind and loving, and I feared the worst of sitters (If I had a hard time being kind at times, who's to say that a sitter, who did not love him as I do, would really treat him well during those cranky spurts? Would they hurt him? Or leave him alone to cry? Not on my watch!!) Anyhow, during one phone interview, I was scheduling a time to meet a potential recruiter in person for a second interview, and was eying my son, who was on the floor playing with a toy...it just dawned on me that I was the one who had to be there for this little boy. He was my gift from God, and it hit me that if he was supposed to be raised by someone else, he would have been born to someone else! So, I ended that phone call by saying (not the exact words, this was 5 years ago!), "Nevermind, I think I changed my mind, I'm all of a sudden not available, please don't call back." I called my husband, and really, I think he was thrilled.

Since then, we've decided to homeschool, my son is going to be 5 this year, and I'm expecting #3 in 4 weeks! My life has changed dramatically for the better since I got to know my children, as each of them has a different personality that I know is not something I taught them. We are learning and growing together, and that is right where I want to be.