I Don't Know How to Dress Myself Any More
I just don't. I'm 46. I'm fat--but worse, I have a really weird shape now that I'm still not used to. I mean, I've always been fat, but this is different; my shape is foreign to me. My good points are no longer good. My once-shapely-even-for-a-fat-girl legs are lumpy and odd now, especially my ankles.
I used to have a pretty good idea how to dress myself, and often looked kinda cute. Now, I haven't got a clue. Things I think will look good fail miserably. I've gotten to the point where I've just given up and follow Gilda Radner's advice: I base my look on what doesn't itch.
I don't want to dress like a 20-year-old. I also don't want to dress like a 60-year-old. I'd like to look in the mirror and at least feel a little less despairing.
sigh. Where are Trinny and Susannah when you need them! Do they do house calls? I mean, now? and in the US?
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I Also Find
That most of the clothes made for women right now are either too young looking like low-rise jeans and low-cut, spaghetti strap, tight tops, or too old looking. I can't seem to find anything just basic and in-between except places that are really expensive. It's discouraging. I'm 40, and I sure don't mind looking 40, I just don't have hundreds of dollars to spend on each outfit.
Sigh.
-Jo
I hear ya, Jo!
...and it's getting worse (I think) as I get a smaller. Finding "stylish" tops that are appropriate for teaching is really a challenge.
(I have a fairly comprehensive wardrobe of skirts already!)
Lenora
Personal Shopper
I don't know what department stores you have out there. Our "moderate" store is Macy's (compared to Nordstrom's -- my fave! -- and Bloomies on the high end and Herbergers on the slightly cheaper end) and they have a personal shopper. See what they can do! I have done it and I have several friends who have, and they are usually willing to work in your price range if you state it up front. (E.g., I want everyday clothes that will wash well, and I have $300 to spend, including a new pair of shoes.) Your style is probably different from mine, but I think Talbots has great plus size clothes. (I also buy a lot of Lands End, and I like J. Jill.)
My suggestions: buy new bras (always helps!) and find a new, bright color to liven things up. (Me, I have three lime-ish green shirts and some light green Crocs.)
Shaun
www.redseahomeschool.wordpress.com
are you getting enough protein?
Insufficient protein consumption always makes my ankles swell, long before it shows up on a blood test.
I hear ya', gal!
My shape after having children many years back really changed, but now that I'm 44, I cannot begin to describe this alien form I sometimes see in a mirror! I buy cool clothes, I think, but after I put them on, I can't get over how awful they look!
Keep smiling!!!
almost like a personal shopper
http://www.missussmartypants.com/
The website above sends you an email each week based on your shape with shaping guidelines and garments. If you don't know your shape for an extra fee missus smarty pants will look at pictures of you and classify you.
I found it very useful and I know that many women have tried and found this tool to be useful. Their husbands are starting to take notice of their (the women's ) appearances and noticing the changes simply by following the guidelines.
She picks common stores to shop from.
Aging
Sorry to tell you, but what you're experiencing is part of aging. I'm almost 20 years older than you and have experienced just what you're going through. The process can be slowed, but can't be stopped altogether, in any way that I know of.
I wish we could discuss some of these things without getting into the beauty discussion. We could look at it more from a health and fitness point of view.
Carolyn Kay
MakeThemAccountable.com
Another Idea
I can completely empathize with the body changes, as you know. I'm still trying to figure out how I look and I had to do a major wardrobe overhaul last year. Hitting the thrift stores regularly is my approach. First of all, it's cheap so you can afford to experiment, and then you're not locked into what's "in" right now. There's a much wider variety of style and color than you'll get buying new and with low prices you can play around more. Plus (and this is a big plus for me)you're not putting money in the hands of whatever store is making massive profits of underpaid laborers. I really can't bring myself to buy new for much of anything beyond underwear anymore. The downside is, of course, that you have to go there, and fairly often for good finds, but that's how you stumble across treasures like handmade blankets, vintage fabrics, and beautiful discarded dishes which make my house lovely if not exactly clutter-free.
Dyed some clothes today
I have a bunch of clothing blanks, almost all for the girls, that have been sitting in the basement all summer. I dyed up two of four batches including a long rayon skirt for me. It's more of a knock-around kind of skirt, floor length, and I dyed it a deep almost navy blue.
Tomorrow a friend who's staying with us and I are going to go through my stuff and pare down. I have a lot of stuff to get rid of.
Lynn Siprelle, Editor
Here's hoping
that you're posting because you see the error of your ways. I have been reviewing our kids' clothing needs for fall, thinking about what clothes would be appropriate for the way we spend most of our days, and realizing that I need to review my fall clothing needs too!
It's one thing to not be into fashion, but another to say, "well, why do I need to look good, who's gonna see me anyway." Clothes are like all other stuff in life -- you oughta love it, it oughta make you smile, or you oughta bless someone else with it. Or like food -- if you don't really like it (and you're not starving or in danger of offending someone of another culture), don't eat it.
If your wardrobe is bringing you down, well, Bad Wardrobe! Out of the house with you! It's no use saying, "I shouldn't feel this way about clothes."
I'm telling you, if you don't know where else to start, go with color -- some strong color.
Shaun
www.redseahomeschool.wordpress.com
I Love
Eddie Bauer and L.L. Bean because they have talls. The problem is one pair of jeans is $60! and one top is around $40, so that's over $100 per outfit if you include shoes, socks, good underwear, etc. I tend to stain tops, so go through those pretty quickly, and in the winter I need layers, so I could easily spend $1,000 a year, which just seems wasteful for something kinda dumb like clothes. I'd rather spend it on travel, or education, or books!
you know what....
I'm not sure, but I think I might be close to the shape and size you used to be (you were heavier but more hourglass-y before, right?), and I am in dire need of some new clothes. I cannot find ANYTHING I like ANYWHERE online. If you are interested in selling anything that doesn't look right on you any more, as long as it is in the neighborhood of size 24-26, send me a private message; if I buy them, you'll HAVE to buy new clothes. Right?
Land's End
Three Words: Odds and Ends! On the Land's End website you can get their overstocked or not quite perfect clothing for around 65% off. Now, you may not always find your size, but it's worth looking at because even the NQP clothes are great (the flaws usually so minor that you can't tell unless you analyze the item like crazy, and they'll usually mention what the problem was). I believe L.L.Bean and Eddie Bauer do the same, but I may be wrong. Anyhow, their fit works great for me because it is cut well.
An Example...
I found these: http://www.landsend.com/pp/5pocketStretchCorduroyPants-24838_141292_-1.html?CM_MERCH=SRCH
Seem like a nice pair of pants...not to "young" but not grandma material either. AND only $12.99! There were 4 size options left when I checked last.
clothes
This is a topic that I struggle with too. I will be 48 next month. While I am not heavy, I have given birth to 5 kids which means I don't have much of a waist and gravity is an issue for undergarments. I so empathize about "the good points not being good anymore". I too used to have great legs but now i have very visible varicose veins in one leg so I no longer like to wear shorts or skirts. I also don't have the money to shop at new stores, I go to second hand places. My kids who are still growing need clothes more than I do. I do find that boys low rise jeans are a better fit for me, they are much less low than women's ones. I also have discovered that I like low rise because it means the waistband is below my belly instead of digging into it in an attempt to create a waist that isn't really there:)
I also hate to be uncomfortable but refuse to start wearing polyester pullon pants:(
In colder weather I wear track pants which work fine but sometimes I have to look semi respectable. I also ride a bike and i have to be comfortable for weather and in general when riding my bike.
I can't order stuff online because the shipping is horrendous for sending stuff to Canada.
I never find anything I want at clothing swaps either.
I signed up
I'm definitely an "E," but I have this weird ankle thing going on now. I feel like I look like a concrete support pillar in a parking garage. We'll see.
Lynn Siprelle, Editor
I might not be
But I'm on some medications that make my ankles swell to boot.
Lynn Siprelle, Editor
see, that's part of my problem!
I think, "I have clothes. I have something to put on. Sure, I look like crap, but I need that money for XYZ." Buying clothes seems wasteful to me.
Lynn Siprelle, Editor
Nordies is the biggie here
We also have Macy's. Don't you have to pay extra for that?
My favorite jeans are Talbot hand-me-downs from a friend. I don't have the budget to shop there myself. And I love Lands End and J Jill, and Coldwater Creek.
My bras and undies are actually in fair shape.
I haven't bought clothes for myself in forever, I just haven't had the budget. Plus also I spent a lot of last year in pajamas.
Lynn Siprelle, Editor
I agree
Sigh.
-Jo
I agree. For my size it is difficult to find appropriate clothes for my age. They are either too young looking or they are too old looking. Whatever happened to just being able to buy pretty clothes?
I don't expect to "look younger"
I just want to look presentable!
(And actually, I'm told I look younger than I am even now, but I chalk that up to having had children late, and being married to a guy who's 10 years younger. Their youth reflects well on me.)
I'm not interested in slowing the process at all. I'm letting my hair go gray, for instance. I just want to look a little *better* than I do!
Lynn Siprelle, Editor
I need to hit that one by your house
I always go to the Goodwill over at 6th and Stephens, and it's so overwhelming I get depressed.
Lynn Siprelle, Editor
I love the Lands End outlet
And I frequently shop there when we have the money.
Lynn Siprelle, Editor
I don't know How to Dress Myself Anymore
There are plenty of clothes for the 40-year old woman out there. Talbots, LaRedoute (Check out Laura Clement clothes), Chicos and Coldwater Creek (God help you). I don’t know what you women are complaining about. I’m 43 and I find plenty of clothes! Sometimes I think women our age are defining as “too young” anything that is remotely trendy. You mentioned low cut jeans. What’s the matter with those? They are a godsend for a lot of women, especially if you’re petite like me with a short waist. Just don’t get the teeny bopper ones where the waste ends at the crotch.
Did I mention you shouldn’t shop in Juniors? Misses has sexy, in-style clothes. I get my things from there. And about that stupid rule that if you wore it once you can’t wear it again. Bull! I wore cowl neck sweaters, bootcuts, ponchos, and leggings. And I wear them now. You just have to sophisticate it up a little. You can comfortably wear whatever is in style with a few caveats. That it fits, that it is not trashy, and that it doesn’t have too many frills. Try a nice dark rinse boot cut, a tunic length cami, and throw a nice blazer over that. Don’t forget a killer pair of heels and an awesome purse. Doesn’t matter how chunky you are either. And if you feel really chunky, there’s the gym. Get in there. I did, and I lost 60 lbs and am a slinky size 8. There is no reason why you should leave the sex appeal to the younger chicks. And there’s no reason you should have to dress like a society matron from the 50s just because you’re 40 now. Today I’m in a pink cowl neck with dark rinse boot cuts and black pointy toed 2-inch boots. I look awesome and completely age-appropriate.
Is there a Lands End outlet
Is there a Lands End outlet store in Portland? I know Sears carries some of their clothes.
Michelle
how lucky you are
Good for you for losing 60 lbs. I've lost about 30 myself and have many yet to go. Not everyone can wear low-rise jeans. Personally, I love them because I'm short-waisted.
I don't know how to dress myself because my shape has changed--I've always been fat, but I was always curvy before, I had a waist. Now my waist has vanished. And while I'm working on getting it back, if I can, I still have to wear clothes.
I also don't have a Talbot's/LeRedoute/Coldwater Creek/whatever budget. I'm lucky enough to have on my tush right now a fabulous pair of Talbot's jeans that fit me *exactly*, but they're hand-me-downs. My clothes budget is something like $30/mo.
I don't want to look like Aunt Bea. I would like to look, as I said, presentable.
Lynn Siprelle, Editor
no
I meant their online clearance area.
Lynn Siprelle, Editor
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