I just haven't wanted to write lately, I'm sorry. I feel cramped in the brain, cramped in the fingers, but not cramped where I should be cramped. I blame menopause. I'm in the "pause" part of it, if you know what I mean, and it makes me antsy. One gets used to a monthly rhythm, and when it breaks off, one starts eyeing the pg tests. One of which, in fact, I took, and no fears; I'm just having an extra-extra-extra long "pause."

Leaving cardiac rehab has thrown me for a loop. I no longer have that three-times-a-week external structure and I am notoriously, chronically bad at structuring my life myself. The first week after, I walked on the treadmill religiously. The second week, I was sporadic; I didn't feel well and I was just wanting to curl up in bed or in a chair and not do anything or go anywhere or move, really. Not because I physically felt bad, I just didn't wanna. But I have a treadmill, and we got a resistance band set and a set of hand weights. I'm outfitted but was having a hard time getting past some psychic inertia.

I haven't talked about it yet, but I've hired a professional organizer, someone who's good at working with chronically disorganized people with ADD/ADHD (all four of us) and who's worked with homeschoolers to boot. It's already helping, though it's tough sledding. I wrote her for help and she came up with the following solution:

Make my treadmill workout part of Josie's school time.

Josie brings whatever we're wanting to work on upstairs and sits on the edge of the bathtub while I walk. She reads aloud to me and we talk about what we're studying. At first it was Greek mythology; Jo is a fan of the Trojan War, as it happens. Today it was Egyptian and Sumerian history (from "Story of the World"). I'm able to help her with her pronunciation, of both weird proper nouns like Telemachus and Euphrates and more commonplace English words, and our discussions always end up ranging far afield of the topic, because it's me, and I can't help getting from A to B via Z and Josie takes after me, the poor thing. For instance, today's discussion of the Great Pyramid of Cheops and the Sphinx led to the Napoleonic Wars, since his men blew the nose off of it in cannon practice.

We've both come to look forward to this time; she enjoys the attention, the workout goes quickly for me, we are guaranteed at least some formal school time, and Jo is there if I have a problem--even though I don't think I will have a problem. I know not to exercise when I don't feel well, and my heart troubles don't just turn up out of the blue. Just so no one thinks I'm putting a big burden on poor Josie, she doesn't know I'm reassured having her there.

Last week I managed maybe one day on the treadmill; this week I did Monday, Thursday and Friday, and I know I'll be on it tomorrow as well. I only missed Tuesday because we spent the afternoon in the ER after a heavy mirror fell off the wall onto Josie's foot (contusions only), and Wednesday I was just pooped. So, on the whole, it works!

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