Gonna Hafta Vent

Something else--I've been told through the years that my singing voice isn't that great. The girls I shared a suite with in the college dorm hated my singing. My DH doesn't particularly care for it either, but he doesn't like singing in general. I know that I've got a whispy, asthmatic sound to my voice that makes me unfit for solo performances. So I've been told one way or another for years that my voice isn't very good.

I know my voice is noting very special. I listen to the vocalists I admire and I'm awed by their talent. I don't have a true talent for singing, not really. I can mostly hold a tune, but I do go sharp or flat often enough to keep me from feeling confident.

And it's always hurt that no one (except DD and my mom) liked my voice. I adore singing. It brings me joy.

So, lately, I've been getting compliments on my voice and I seriously don't know what to do with it. A couple of ladies at knitting circle have commented on it when I spontaneously sing a few verses of something when the spirit moves me, which is fairly often, and it's hard to accept the compliment, because it's the opposite of what I've been told for the first two decades of my life!

And at church, for over a year a couple of people in the choir who've overheard me singing in the pews have been after me to join the choir.

Just this past sunday the new pastor heard me singing (I was in the front pew) and then that evening he heard me again at the special evening service (I was four pews back, my voice carries, I've got some serious volume). Afterwards during the social hour he and the people who'd been sitting around me all started in about how lovely my voice is and how I should be in the choir.

I came home and when I told DH about it, I started to cry.

It's hard for me to open myself up to the possibility that my singing voice isn't as awful as I think it is. I've been so hurt by the rejection in my twenties—really really hurt, folks--that I'm fairly unwilling to open up and accept the complements in my 30s.

I can’t help thinking there’s some kind of universal plot here to heal my heart around the issue of my singing voice.

I’m more than happy to do some duets, trios, quartets, whatever, some special music at church. I’m not willing to commit to joining the choir because I don’t need another project that will take me away from home in the evenings (for practice) right now. I’m saying “no” for my own personal sanity. But I’d enjoy doing some special music now and then. I’ve always loved singing in groups, the energy that comes from people blending voices with one another to create music is very cool.

I'm kinda mad right now, not so much at the people who've put me down, but at myself for listening to them.

I think I'm coming to accept a more realistic assesment of my singing. I'm no Bette Midler, my voice is fairly simple, don't have vibrato, and when I'm relaxed and happy, it sounds sweet. It's nothing worth cutting a record for (though I did once, another story) but it's perfectly adequate for singing lullabies and kids' songs for DD and for a special event at church. I think I'm sinking into a middle ground--my voice isn't the kind that I'd always wanted to have, a natural talent, but it's not as bad as I've been told it was in the past, however.

When I protested last Sunday when the people around me were commenting on how good my singing was one of the ladies quoted her grandmother who used to say, "If three people say you're sick, go lay down!"

I'm not as mad about this now that I've worked through it a bit here. I think writing it out has helped some.

It's nice to have a safe place to vent.

Anhata
www.familynaturally.com
Your Family's General Store, Naturally

how awful that people should say bad things to each other but we all do I guess. DH is almost completel tone deaf, but if he sings softer he hits a lot more notes (his enthusiasm is the biggest problem!). MAYBE... just thinking out loud Anhata... maybe your voice wasn't especially 'fashionable' to be a little husky or whatever, but maybe your pitch is okay. It can also depend on the type of songs you sing I guess - maybe your voice is nicely suited to church music and lullabies but perhaps less so to rock music that you may have been singing when your mother commented. I'm not talking specifics of course, but maybe it's more about the music being suited your voice, rather than whether you have a particularly good or bad voice. Most people have average voices which sound good some days and less good other days, but which could probably be trained up. Maybe that's the answer... if you like singing you might consider seeing a voice teacher to see if they think you have any potential - more people do than you'd think.

on a side note I think DH was a little stunned at my volume the other day. I've developed what you might call an energy efficient voice for dealing with children. If I can make my voice carry really loud and really clear up the stairs over the noise of the kids then I save myself the effort of going up there. I have an uncle who's an opera singer and he doesn't have a soft speaking voice at all, and DS usually bellows instead of talking too, so there must be something genetic in there. If my kids are running towards a road I only wanna say 'NO' once, not run after them to be heard.

As for the job Anhata... I wish I could offer you one because the applicants I've had are just appalling. Admittedly it isn't a super job with stunning pay but I wonder how some of these people manage to live a whole day without accidentally killing themselves because they're so dumb. Chances are that many employers will have seen FAR FAR worse resumes than yours - even if yours is only average compared to some it might still be worth sending in. So you don't make a shortlist - at least you tried. I'd say give it a shot. One thing only is guaranteed: if you don't put yourself out there you'll never find a job, and certainly not one you really want. You don't know the person at the other end so who cares if they shred your resume. They don't know the real you so it doesn't matter. Their decision doesn't really affect who you are at all; it isn't even much of a reflection of who you are. It's only rejection of one part of you, not the whole you. GO FOR IT!!!

Kerri.

One of my current projects is on Thomas Hobbes, seventeenth-century English philosopher and author of Leviathan.

Little known fact: Hobbes included singing to himself as a part of his daily routine, because he believed it was good for his health!

Shaun
www.homeschoolblogger.com/shaunms