Stay At Home Mom

Hi Uranni, Welcome to TNH.

I'm not in your situation as far as age of children, but I think that teenagers need loads of support, and if that is how your heart is telling you to give it, go for it. The way that teenagers are parented can have such a massive impact on their future lives, and having a happy mother is part of that. If you feel fulfilled by being at home and you can manage to do it, I'm sure your son will benefit.

Zillah

Our daughters were 7 and 3 when I came home full time. MANY people I knew (including some at church, other at-home moms, etc.) were puzzled by the timing. Frankly, it was not their concern...it was OUR family; OUR choice! To be perfectly honest...it wasn't the kiddos that clinched the deal for us...it was the marriage! With both of us working AND doing everything that we felt was a priority for the girls and my committment to service in my church and community AND my husband's travel...what was missing was the relationship time that we wanted together. "Family" encompases so much more than just "kids" (IMHO) and ALL of it is worthy of being a priority!

There are SO many benefits to being the "available" mom when it comes to teens. You will get to know your son's friends just by being "around," and you have the potential to be the house where they hang out That is SO cool! Our older daughter and her friends are usually here on Friday nights playing games, watching videos etc. We LOVE being "that" house!

There is also research that suggests a coorelation betwen having a parent at home after school with reduced involvement with drugs, alchohol, and other risky behaviors...I believe there is also a coorelation with better grades and reduced discipline issues at school. (Give me a bit and I'll see if I can find links to the research!)

I say: Good for you! Go for it!
Lenora

PS. In favor of fair and full disclosure: our girls are now 16.5 and 12 and I am teaching part-time this year after finishing a degree in Family and Consumer Sciences Education.

There will be those who comment about you, but I think everyone has something they do that bothers other people. You have to trust your feelings, your motherly instinct, and your gut for your family's sake. One thing I've always believed is that when the powers that be give us a responsibility (like motherhood), they will also urge us in the right direction. Just this morning, I was talking to a friend whose sister is a youth minister, and she said the largest problem among the teens they work with is that they sneak home to "available" houses and fool around with each other--resulting too often in teen pregnancy. I used to think I'd run back to work once my children were old enough, but as I get to know the teens in my neighborhood, I want to be one of those moms who is THERE. That's me though, like I said prior, trust yourself.

Welcome to you again! When you said, "My problem is that I feel that I have to have a young baby to be worthy of staying at home" Oh boy could I relate to that...I have college age kids! I love being at home...I do run a small crafting soap making venture, and work 6 hours in a local library, but other than that I am HOME...and I love it...I also struggle with "society's" pressure of what one "should" be doing with their time...or career...I have also struggled with the blank stare that I get from people when I say I am home or a homemaker...or the loud gasp when they say "YOUR STILL AT HOME WHY? ARENT YOU SICK OF IT, DONT YOU GET BORED?" OMG their is so much to do...I am the vacation-entertainment manager, housekeeper, home interior designer, cook, financial budget and "college finanical aid wizard", small business entrepeneur (I earn vacation money), pyschiatric counselor (those late night, "my boyfried broke up with me phone calls), household manager, and overseer of the thousand misc. things that no one else has time for...and I am sure I left a thousand other things out as well..Although I struggle with my choice from time to time for the reasons mentioned above, I also have become more sure of myself, and have learned so much about who I am and what I need in my life by making the choice that I did, by staying home...it fits for me and it fits for my family and in the end, that is what really matters...I am learning day by day to stand up to to the judgements of others...which was a lesson that was important for me to learn....but you are right...it is very hard...when you have older children, to face others when in today's society,when it does not seem to be the norm to stay at home when children get older....hang in there, and go with what your heart is telling you and only wonderful blessings will follow!
Susan MOM of Cindy and Joey, Soapmaker and Librarian

I feel like you are talking about ME a year ago. I became a homemaker when my son was 11. I had worked since he was a baby, but finally was in the financial situation to choose whether to work or not. I didn't have to think twice about what I wanted to do, but I kept getting caught up on what everyone else thought I should do. Even though no one criticized me openly, society in general is no longer supportive of stay at home Mom's. HOWEVER....My son's grades in school have improved, he is able to be involved in more activities, and his relationship with me is much more open since I have more time to listen and he knows I am always here for him. The quality-of-life improvement for the family is something I would never even consider exchanging for 60 thousand $ a year again. We may not move into a bigger house anytime soon and we may not take a family vacation 3 times a year, but it is SO worth it! I have been repainting and repairing the house as well as cooking just about every meal, every day at home. My son is a picky eater no more! I enjoy my new status as house chef. Both my son and my husband appreciate what I do for them and my husband is so tickled with all the changes being made to the house. He keeps exclaiming how much I am SAVING us by being at home and how I am increasing the value of our home which we plan to sell in about 6 years. I do go through some periods when I feel guilty for not bringing any income into the home, but I talk openly about it with my husband and we go over the what if's(what if I were working again). Every single time we conclude that my role at home is priceless and we shouldn't change a thing. I encourage you to just do it! You can have an amazing impact right now on changing the course of your family's future!

I have 3 children. All of them are school age. I have one teenager and 2 preteens and I feel like they need me home more now than when they were little, to make sure they stay out of trouble. Plus even though they go to school during the day they are home sick and have Dr and Dentist appointments. You just don't need to worry about what other people think or say, just do what feels right to you. Most of them don't know what they are doing either!

I left a job that was perfect for me to be home with my son when he was in the 4th grade. I did find a very part time job (10 hrs wk) at the school he attended. He had began asking to be home schooled in the 3rd grade. In Jr. HIgh, we decided to give home school at try. It was well worth it. We are very close. We take schooling very seriously and I not only track what is available through our home school program, but I print our the state standards and keep tabs on what the public schools are teaching, and literature, etc. He will be going into the 10th grade, and is very cooperative. School is everyday...He doesn't have homework, but we do work everyday (most of the time). It isn't a chore, but it does take dedication. We begin our school day at 8:15 and have a routine. He is in scouts, music, rides crosscountry bikes, attends ayouth group weekly and participates in activitis with them.

At times, I become frustrated, because I live, eat, breath almost every moment at home and being outgoing it is challenging. Many of the home schooled parents are from younger families, but there are many parents of teens. I find, for the most part, most, not all home schooled kids are refreshing and are taking college courses...they are serious about school and could care less about the social aspects of public schools.

It is worth the time with your teen.

I sometimes feel i shouldnt be home now that all the kids are in school,18,16.5,14 & 12. I feel embarassed, when most people around me have 2 incomes. I make some extra money with Ebay, and i watch every penney, i;ve taught my kids to do the same.

Thanks to all for sharing your stories and awesome advice
Now I don't feel so alone.

I am also a "Stay at Home Mom" to 5 kids (8, 10, 12, 14, 16) .... and feel blessed, that I can.
There are to many Mom's who would give anything to be able to stay at home
with their kids.
But there are plenty who I personally know who could stay home
but don't want to. **Would love to hear all of your input on that subject.

I struggled with that thought and had tons of deep discussions with
my friends on that issue, just wanting to understand why they didn't
WANT TO stay home. My Adrenalin went haywire, thinking all kinds of
none cents...lol

We all can sit here and judge and I'm sure we will all find very good arguments on any
situation. But after really thinking about it ( took a wile for me to grasp )...I truly now
believe.... Every Family has other priorities and different strength, now if a Mom/Dad can stay home
( maybe even tried it for a wile) but decides not to, it's OK. Better for her/him to be happy and be a good Mom/Dad that way then to struggle and maybe even resent her kids.
So many GREAT Moms/Dads who work and still manage their Families wonderfuly

But my opinion will always be,... a Stay at Home Mom or Dad ( even if they work from home) can provide so much more comfort to their Children then one who works away from home.
Yes it might work and plenty do a fabulous job at both but what do the kids feel. How many school events, parent teacher conferences, field trip chaperon opportunities and just being there after a HARD disappointing day or event did that Mom or Dad miss.
We can always find an outstanding care provider but no one or anything can make up for a dedicated loving Parent, to be there for their children, if it's a happy occasion or bad one. They need us to comfort them or share their excitement.

Of course this is the best choice for me in my opinion and my kids but maybe not to others who wouldn't enjoy or be any good at these things. That's why it's best to really think and plan before having kids but for most that choice is taken when the child is already here and have to do the best for what works for them.

This subject will always be touchy and we all have to respect others choices.

Now there are plenty of Parents who shouldn't be parents in the first place, for whatever reason but that's another subject. I'm talking about dedicated loving parents, who want and do the best for their Families.

And we all have to remember, No one or Anything is perfect.
Just do your best and learn from your mistakes.
That's the best we all can do, working or not.

Remember, this is just MY opinion

You all have a Fabulous Day !!
Good Luck to All, WE ALL NEED IT

Jean P

I recently became a stay-at-home mom, with two children ages 16 and 12. There were several factors that went into making the decision to stay home, but the bottom line was that I had a very strong sense of needing to be at home for my kids. The window of opportunity that we have with our kids, to influence and guide them, to laugh with them and listen to them, is really so very short.

Don't get me wrong- I had no regrets about working outside the home for the last few years, either. Life was far more hectic, but we did fine. I simply realized that I had to listen to that still, small voice inside me letting me know it was time for a change. This was the right thing to do, at the right time, for our family.

It's a huge adjustment! I often feel a little sad and aimless, and miss the camaraderie of my coworkers. But it's a small sacrifice compared to being there when my kids get off the bus and catching the first few comments about their day. I like taking care of the "family business"- running errands, budgeting, cooking healthier meals- without the added stress of work deadlines. Less money...but more quality of life. At least that's true for our family,right now. God bless ALL moms, staying at home or not. It's a tough job either way, and we need to support each other.

I stayed home with my four daughters until my youngest entered pre-K. I became a teacher at the pre-K center and my youngest was in my class half day, then went to another teacher for the rest of the day. I worked in public school for five years. This year, after a lot of praying and my husband's support, I returned home to doing home daycare. I have 5 little ones I watch (we need the income since my husband is also a teacher). I am so happy that God allowed me to come back home. I was so stressed all the time and exhausted at the end of the day when I was teaching. Now, I am able to get housework/laundry/phone calls, etc. done while the little ones are napping. Then, when they go home at four o'clock, (they are teacher's kids), I am completely devoted to my own four children and husband. Financially, it is difficult, but not impossible. I feel like I can be a better mom. I like cleaning my girls' rooms while they are at school and providing a nice, clean, comforting place to come home to. I also like making homemade treats for them when they get home from a hard day at school. I also make time for a quiet time with God during the day. I am much more balanced and hope that I am a better mom as a result. My girls are older...14, 12, 11, 9. But like other comments that have been posted, I realize I am needed more now than ever...someone has to be rested at the end of the day to maintain order in the home. I regret going back to work when I did (i feel my youngest was cheated out of some mommy time). But I NEVER regret the decision to be at home, focusing on my relationship with God and my precious family.

Wow, this thread has been going on for a long time. I really needed to hear all of your viewpoints. I am a full time kindergarten teacher in a public school. I have two daughters 15 and 7. My husband works full time as a retail manager. He is gone a lot and commutes 45 minutes to his job. When we had our first daughter, I already had my teaching degree, but we moved around a lot when she was little, so I mostly stayed home with her. Once we got settled down, I got my teaching job - which is what I always wanted to do. My thing was, I really wanted to be a stay at home mom, but felt I needed to get my degree, to prove that I could (It was not a priority in my family to go to college), so as she got older I felt pressured to go to work, so that my education wasn't a waste. And my thought was, if I'm going to work and be a mom...the best job I could have is teaching because I could be off when my kids are off and still have an income. But when my second child was born, that's when it all fell in. The stress became incredible. Anyone who thinks that teaching is only a few months and then summers off, needs to come hang out at my school. I get up at 5:30 and don't get home most nights before 6:00. I often bring work home and work in my classroom during the summer. Over the last 7 years, my health has suffered, I started having panic attacks, and other problems due to stress. I so badly want to go back to my original dream of being home and 'being there' both mentally and physically. My husband is a big dreamer for our retirement and he sees my extra income as a bonus towards his dreams. He is an excellent provider, but right now, we can't move to a cheaper place (we have 10 acres and his parents and brother's family live on it too.) He doesn't want me to quit and thinks we are just fine. But I've also seen how it affects my kids. He does not see that. We have 'everything' (too much actually), but I am miserable most of the time. Also, I can tell you as a teacher...KIDS DO BETTER IN SCHOOL WHEN THERE IS A PARENT AT HOME!! I can give plenty of examples of students I've had over the last 12 years. I also have none of my family here and friends? who has time to make friends when you work full time AND you're a full time mom. I have friends at work, but no close relationships. So I have had very little help with my kids when I needed it. Had to put my baby in daycare.

I think it's different for everyone and everyone has to figure out what is best for their family. I wish I had not worried about what others thought of me (whether I used my degree or not) and stayed home. My daughters, even though they are school aged, still need me and suffer even though they are with me all the time, because I'm too tired to deal with them, or have to do laundry, cook, run errands etc. I really work two full time jobs and it is exhausting. I've made myself sick of worrying about my relationship with God because we don't go to church on Sundays because we are too tired I have fears of commiting myself to any other activities. So to all of you moms who stay at home...good for your! You're awesome in my book...it is never a bad decision. A young teacher I work with who has a baby just told me this week she really wanted to stay home but they couldn't afford it right now. I told her to go for it because you will never get these years back and there will be time to work later, if you want.

Sorry to sound so whiny, but I am praying about my decision to stay home even though my kids are older. Thanks for all your input!