And good riddance. What a perfectly sucky year. I mean, the only way 2007 could be worse is if it was just like 2006 except John never finds a job and I die and stay dead this Mother's Day.

At least, that's what I was going to write about. I've just changed my mind, right this minute. I'm really stuck in my anger over this last year--the last four years, really--and I need to move past it.

Here are the good things from 2006:

• If I ever wondered whether my husband really loved me, all I had to do was read the blog entries [1] he posted here when I was in hospital. Those blog posts mean a lot to me, and so does the man who made them. You're my best friend, John Ark.
• If I ever wondered about my mother's love for and commitment to me, all I have to do is think back to the three-plus months of her own life she put on hold to take care of us here. As if that's all she's ever done for me; that's just the tip of the iceberg. Thank you again, Mom.
• If I ever wondered about whether I had friends--and believe me, I have--I don't have to any more. For the first time in years, I have friends. Good friends. Fabulous friends. Real life friends! The kind of friends who'll come all the way across town to take your kids to play group because you're too sick to go, who'll visit you in the hospital, who'll make you a blanket [2] for cryin out loud.

  No one ever believes me when I say I haven't really had that many friends in my adult life, but it's true. Rarely have I been able to count on people, in no small portion because I myself was not reliable in my youth. I have few friends in my life who've known me more than a handful of years--one remaining friend from high school, one remaining friend from what would have been my college years, and neither of them in town, no one from my 20s at all. I cherish these good friends I have now more than they realize. Anhata, Melisa, Laura, Karen, Colleen: What would I do without you?

• I have a new cardiologist. I'm hoping she works out, but she couldn't be any worse than the one I had. So far she's done a good job of listening and taking me seriously. And I'm finally, four years late, in a cardiac rehab program, after being told over and over that no such program existed because the hospital chain I'm in doesn't have one and didn't want me going to the one across town for fear of losing me as a patient. (Note to the alleged cardiac care "institute" at Providence: Bite me.) It's kicking my ass, as I've said, and it's scaring me a little, but it's going to be okay.

  Can you tell I still need to work on the anger issue a little?

• I found a great counselor who's helped me tremendously with the PTSD and anxiety from all of this, and who found the cardiac rehab program and pushed me (along with Mom) to get into it. Thank you, Deb.
• I lost the ability to work, but ad revenues from this site and OMI [3] have picked up dramatically this year. Not so much that John can retire or anything, but it's keeping us from losing our home while John looks for work--that, and help from family. I was denied SSDI disability a couple of weeks ago, so 2007 will be the year of struggling to get that reversed.
• We were blessed with garden help [4] from the folks at City Repair [5]. This was a real gift--a miracle, actually--and while it's going to take a while to get everything in place, things are under way.
• I knit a hell of a lot of stuff [5]. Hardly any unfinished stuff lurking about.
• And finally, my fabulous daughters kept getting fabulous-er. I worry all the time about them--being lonely, not getting out much because of me, whether I'm doing enough for their education--but then they'll each do something to show me how well they're doing, and what wonderful women they're going to be. I wish there were another homeschool girl Jo's age nearby; that's all I could wish for her right now.

And with that, I have to go walk on the treadmill. That's something that began in 2006 that will continue into 2007 whether I like it or not. Tomorrow I'll write about what I want to accomplish in 2007.

What went right for you in 2006?

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