Sigh...what a week...

Believe me, I do. Don't beat yourself up about the swat. You don't have to be a perfect mom, you just have to be good enough. And I'm positive you're that. Your son will recover. So will you.

As for friends, it's a matter of finding your tribe. I'm 45 years old and I just now feel like I've found mine. I had to go out and make the space to find them (my Wednesday knitting group), and so my best advice to you is to make a space yourself. Is there a local homeschool email list? You may find people that way, especially with same-age kids. I find it's the opposite--I know tons of little kids but no kids Jo's age. Just put out there who you are and like will attract like.

Also don't discount those "earthy" types, though I'm not entirely sure what you mean by that--a lot of folks would say that growing your own food, grinding your own wheat and homeschooling puts you smack in the earthy camp. If they're accepting of you, why not.

Lynn Siprelle, Editor

I'm having one too, and part of my brain knows that nothing I do right now is entirely rational. Unfortunately that's not the part of my brain that is currently in charge! As Lynn said, don't beat yourself up over a single smack, but if it's important to you then try to make that the last one. No guarantees on that though. Did something else maybe trigger it?? I know there are some days when I can understand people going out with a shotgun, but that tiny rational part of my brain obviously stops me (that and not having a shotgun!).

Sometimes there's a whole series of tiny irritations which make you explode and other times there are a number of much bigger problems, and I'm finally realising that I'm more likely to overreact to something if there are hormonal problems, or if it feels like everyone's out to get me already. That's when a smaller infraction by te kids will send me over the edge, which maybe wouldn't bother me when I'm totally calm.

I've had such a crummy week so far that I feel physically edgy, almost like my skin's prickling somehow, and my hands have been shaky since I got home too. If you've had a bunch of people aggravating you then you'll definitely be more sensitive, and you have to find a way to get yourself mentally and physically comfortable again (hint: chocolate is a good place to start, but listen to ALL your legal cravings!).

I don't really feel I fit in with anyone these days either, except the people round here. Sometimes I think we float between groups and there are times we just don't fit any crowd, at least for a while. I don't care enough to go look for people who fit me well ('only child' mentality) but if it bothers you, Lynn's advice is good - you can't expect the people to come to you always. There are probably at least a handful of other people who feel as isolated as you do, but who would fit perfectly with you. Hang up a banner somehow so they can find you.

Read a book or have a long, hot bath tonight... you sound frazzled and in need of giving yourself some TLC.

Kerri.

I realized that I had written a reply and never posted it (duh). I've been analyzing me lately, and I think I'm mostly aggrivated with still being students with a family. I know it's our choice, but we're not gonna quit til the degree is in hand (Ph.D for DH, hopefully MBA for me) and we're trying to do this without outside childcare. I think I wish it were over, and we could move on, but DH put it best. I can't make myself wait to be happy "until such and such occurs", I just need to be happy with where I've chosen to put myself. It's not like anyone has ever forced me to get a degree, or to be a parent or any of that. I chose it all (sometime I think I was nuts combining children and school, but I just had this "feeling" that it was time--turned out to be a good feeling, since I wound up with full blown eclampsia-yikes!) If I count my blessings, it doesn't seem so bad, and a good gut spilling always seems to help, since I can re-read what I wrote and say "wow, I sound pathetic, how can I change that?" Plus, gut spilling on here seems to be quite fruitful, since others know how you feel and have been there.

Kerri-I hope that you start feeling better, too. Maybe if we all think happy thoughts together (Oh, and thanks to Lynn's past post, I tried EFT and it's doing wonders. Who'da thunk it?)

About being a student and about finding like-minded friends.

I can only say on the student thing - KEEP GOING! We're just coming to the end of our days as a two-student-one-child family. We had DD when DH was in his last year of his PhD. I'm about to finish mine now. It has been hard going, but, like you, we had a strong feeling that it was the right time to start a family, even if some people thought we were a bit barmy!

For me, one of the hardest things with finding good local friends is that we've moved about. I feel like just as I'm finding some kindred spirits, we move. And now we're about to go again Still, at least I know we'll be in Edinburgh for three years (well, probably). I'm afraid I don't have any good advice to give, only sympathy. It's a problem I haven't cracked yet, and isn't helped by the fact that I'm pretty introverted.

Let me know when you find the secret!

Zillah

But you are right! We do move a lot, about every 3 years or so, and that seems to be how long it takes to really fit into a community, to find other people and develop your "groove", but if you leave right as you finally feel at home, you then feel displaced again, and have to start over. So true. In an odd way, this revelation makes me feel a whole lot better.