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Going to the ER on Monday after my little "drum solos" was actually good for me. Nothing was wrong, yada yada. I got through without dying and without getting bulldozed. John and I repeated "NO BETA BLOCKERS" so much that finally a nurse said, "OK! We got it! No beta blockers!" I got my new MedicAlert bracelet listing "no beta blockers" today too, so I feel a lot better about my chances under unfamiliar care now. Plus also it's two tone gold and silver titanium! ooooh!
At therapy last night we talked about why I came back from the dead--why, if I was happy being dead, and I was, I came back, and how did I feel about that. "I imagine you feel meaningless," she said. I initially said no, not at all, but when I thought about it further--yeah! I did, and I didn't really even know it. Why DID I come back? I mean, I have all kinds of reasons to live; my husband loves me deeply, I have two little girls who need me, I haven't buried my parents yet (not that I'm looking forward to that) and I'd never put them through burying me before them if I could. But people in the exact same circumstances die all the time. That's not all it takes to stay alive.
So why did I come back? I don't know. I imagine it'll become clear as time goes on, and in the meantime, there are my children, my parents and my husband, and my readers. And myself.
My therapist got me to commit to one daily physical self-care thing for the week; when I'm depressed I forget to eat, I don't shower, I wear the same clothes for days, etc. All of which I'm having trouble with at the moment. I committed to walking around the block. Did it first thing this morning after I took a shower.
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Sending positive vibes your way
What an intense question to ponder!
We've never met, but you are an important part of my daily life. I wish you wellness and peace.
Love,
Rose
I've read that this is common after near-death experiences
So it stands to reason that it would happen after an actual death experience.
If given a choice among showering, eating, and changing clothes, I vote eating. But have you been getting the Flylady emails? Maybe that would help you keep track of your self-care.
Meaningless??
Certainly not! I agree with Rose, and I'm sure plenty here do.
but there are definitely days when even the basics feel like too much effort (TGIF or I'd have given up on the day today!) so if you can force yourself through those 4 things you listed until it becomes second nature even when you feel really awful, it'll probably get a bit easier.
Well done for doing it all yesterday Lynn... Maybe a star chart would help!
Kerri.
Oh yes a start chart sounds
Oh yes a start chart sounds grand. Sit down with the whole family tell them " I havn't felt good for a while and I really need help". Make yourself accountable to your family. Tell them what your goals are: Shower eating, clothes, walking (and I'll add one) a regular bedtime. A star each day for doing these things. When you have gotten 5 stars consecutively or sporatically, whichever, you have earned a foot rub, a dinner out, some new body lotion. Ya know whatever floats your boat. Your children see this, they know and I'd imagine they have a measure of helplessness. This can be a project for them, getting Mommy 5 stars. They'd feel like they were helping. And you won't feel so alone. Think about it.
I'm sending some mojo and peaceful vibes your way.
when I got sober...
I kept up the three S's:
Shower
S**t
Shave
Once I managed those three things, everything was easier.
It came from a good friend of mine, Kevin, who had a nervous breakdown in Nuke School while in the Navy. He said that his counselor told him to do those three things EVERY day, and he would feel better.
There is something to be said for routines
I can't cope with her right now
I managed to shower, eat and change clothes today AND get my walk.
I can't guarantee I'll do all that tomorrow, but today I did.
Lynn Siprelle, Editor
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