Hello and Help - Please

Everyone works. As a homemaker, you have been working, you're the CEO of the house. I've seen some creative resumes written by homemaker where they put all the work they do to run a home in business terms.

However, because nothing in life is certain, you should have a backup plan. My mother raised me with this philosophy: Aquire a skill, craft, degree, or otherwise have a good set of job skills that make you hireable. In case something happens. She wanted to be a homemaker too, but her husband died when she was 22 and left her with no life insurance, no savings, and two kids. You have to have a back up plan, in other words, some kind of job training or job skills, for the worst case scenarios.

This was the advice she gave to me and I can't deny the logic.

The community college in our city has job training programs, maybe there's someing like that near you if you're interested.

Anhata
www.familynaturally.com
Your Family's General Store, Naturally

Along with preparing for the working world, you also need to make sure that your assets are protected. Make sure that your living situation, whether renting or buying, is in both of your names. Once you marry, make sure that you have a life insurance policy on him with you as the beneficiary. Make sure that you are the beneficiary for his retirement plans. Have your own retirement plan. Open an IRA in your name. And most importantly, write a will and make sure that your partners' gets updated. Doing these things can help reduce the likelihood that should you divorce or if he dies, you won't be on the streets.

I'm assuming from the story above that there are no children involved. Some good advice my mom gave me was that I needed to know what it was like to "own" myself before I could give any part of me away. That meant finding skills I was good at, learning what my interests were, determining how I liked to run my home when there wasn't anyone else in it. THEN, I could fully give what I owned once I got married. I could give me. Who I was, and that person would have to accept that. Yes, marriage is a give-take thing, but it is not meant to totally erase who you are, you should compliment each other, kinda how 1+1=more than 2 if you do it right. Once I moved out the first time, I did all in my power to not move back, yes that meant I had to work. BUT I wasn't willing to not work until I knew that I was in a stable relationship where my husband appreciated what I would do at home all day. He doesn't feel I'm "living off him" because he knows what I do for him. He knows of the relief he feels from knowing someone is taking care of the budget, the shopping, the house keeping, our family's appointments, etc. And then he can concentrate on his job. We compliment each other this way, and are successful as a family.

So I guess the advice I have is figure out what you want before attaching yourself to someone else. I see you're dating someone, but perhaps if you can't agree on this kind of stuff yet, it's not time to live together.

I also agree with Anhata's comments, having a backup plan is essential.

I don't think most of us face the issues you are facing simply because we don't man swap. You aren't wanting to be a homemaker...you are wanting a man to support you. Being a homemaker is MAKING A HOME for a family. It's not just being able to be at home while a man works and takes care of you. You can't go through life saying well, when we split up, I'll have to find another man. If you are already looking at a relationship as WHEN we split up, then you need to not even be in that relationship to start with.

My best advice to you is to find a job and stay away from men all together. Your track record is not proving too stable.