Fulfilled Homemaker

You can be a feminist and a (fulfilled) homemaker, just as you can not have children and still be femiNINE. It's not an either/or situation. It's what YOU want to make out of your life and the choice to do so that makes someone or something feminist. Prescribed choice--pronouncing that one life choice works for all women, indeed is necesssary for all women--is what makes something anti-feminist. Hirschman is prescribing a choice--work outside the home--therefore Hirschman is not a feminist.

Lynn Siprelle, Editor

Jilsyt (I can't remember your actual name!)

Your point is the whole focus of this website and a fairly popular viewpoint among some women nowadays. You have to choose what is right for you at various points of your life, whether is it SAHM, WAHM, WOHM, whatever. True feminism is giving women choice about their lives and how they live them. Homemaking and parenting CAN be a focus (and should be if you ask me) at any stage! I won't bore you with my experience, but I have been all of the above, - my focus is always homemaking though, my priority and passion. That is why I keep coming back here!

Andrea

My DH and I were talking about this, and thought that a major problem seems to stem from people thinking that what worked for them must work for everyone, and that if it doesn't that person must be odd. We notice this on both sides of the spectrum, with working moms thinking SAHM's are lazy and vice versa--which is sad, we really should all just be women together and support each other in our individual choices, since we can never know what the other circumstances may be. I love a quote by Marjorie Paye Hinckley that states, "Be kind, for everyone may be fighting a harder battle than you." I might not have that just right, but I think it makes a good point.

Thanks Lynn for that thought on Hirschman, as I'd always thought myself somewhat feminist, but didn't want to "associate" myself with her. I really think that we should be able to choose what makes us happy, as a happy mom does equal a happy family (so does a happy dad, so of course there should be a bit of discussion in the decision, eh?)

~Jillian

Very few individuals are gifted with the character and charisma required to ignite true change in the hearts of large groups of people by just "telling." Dr.ML King Jr. comes to mind as one and I'm sure there are others...BUT....

most of us "everyday folk" impact change in a grass roots kind of way. One-on-one, from the ground up through personal relationships. Frankly with only minor exceptions...the ONLY way to real and lasting change moves from one heart to another...SO...

Why in the world is raising daughters and sons who understand their value as individuals, believe that they can acheive whatever they are willing to work to get, and view relationships (romantic and otherwise) as partnerships with individuals of equal and immeasurable value...Why is that NOT "feminist?"

As far as "advancing the cause of feminism" is concerned....what could be more important?

Blessings,
Lenora
"...if woman's work is never done, why bother about how much of it [isn't] getting done at any given moment?"
~ Claire Fraser in The Fiery Cross by Diana Gabaldon

The problem with Hirschman's latest book is that she accepts a completely patriarchal definition of "work". "Work" (or "abstract labour" to use the term that's thrown around in the academic literature) is defined specifically to exclude anything traditionally done by women, while including just about everything traditionally done by men. In so doing, it creates a warped picture of what "work" actually is. If we define work as any socially useful task (as opposed to only those tasks that lead to immediate profits in the short term), then it's hard to escape the conclusion that "women's work" is a lot more valuable than a lot of "men's work" (or "work", as it's commonly called).

Based on her interview with Stephen Colbert a few weeks back, it seems that Hirschman believes that ANYTHING outside the home is a superior and better choice than anything in it, which kind of reminds me of George Carlin's bit on corporate-oriented feminism ("But what's the alternative to 'poppin' out a unit' every 9 months? Pointless careerism? Wearing a man-tailored suit in a criminal corporation that screws its employees and robs its customers and destroys the environment and emulating the most objectionable behaviours of men?").

One of the principal problems with pre-feminist gender roles was that there was no end of accepted life paths for men, but only one for each and every woman on the planet. Any feminism worthy of the name is about creating a world in which women are free to seek fulfilment however and wherever they want.

Now that my 2 children are semi-launched, I have been under enormous pressure to "make something of myself". Even that phrase, when used by my own sister, brought up feelings of "not being good enough", because what I do has somehow not been considered real work by many in today's society, especially other women". I agree with the posts above. It is the value of women in general that has been under the microscope. Linda Hirschman's writings infuriated me so much I had to put it down and read it bit by bit.
So I have been doing a personal inventory of just what my work has been for 23 years. I raised 2 wonderful children as an at home mother with full responsibility of managing the household, husband traveled a great deal, both kids with chronic illness, worked part time as necessary to supplement income, cook, maid, chauffeur, counselor, nurse, financial wizard, home decorator and as you all know the list goes on and on, but I would do it all over again. Therefore Linda Hirschman's writings, as far as I am concerned, does not belong within the framework of true feminism. It was my choice and a choice I am proud of and I would make that choice again.
So today I look ahead to just what my choices are going to be, now that my children are moving on with their lives. I have had many who say to me, "oh you must be so glad to have the freedom now to go back to work and develop a new career for yourself" and I think NOT AT ALL....that is so far removed from who I am....
So after crying and suffering an extreme case of empty nest, I have some choices to make, and you know what? I am staying home and choosing to be a SHAW..(stay at home wife), but not to take care of my husband as the "label" somehow implies, but staying home for me. I love my home, I love what I do, I love the domestic, it is just who I am. I have started a crafting business at home, but I want to keep it small. I have no desire to make it larger than it already is.
So I have said no to the cynics and I have chosen the road less traveled. I have suffered the blank stare from other women, who are dumbfounded as to why I would want to be a SAHW, but I feel like a new trailblazer, like somehow I am going against the grain of what mid-life women are supposed to be doing with their lives. So I will put up with the blank stares of disbelief and put my new bumper sticker on my sport utility vehicle...Housewife is not a dirty word....