Fly Lady Loser

It's much this way with my children, too. When I had just the one, it was much like you described. Because YOU are his only playmate! And there is nothing wrong with that! There is PLENTY of time to teach him other things that are lifes lessons, like dishes and such.

When the second child comes along (if there is), things get a little easier at that age because the older one becomes the playmate.

I'm at a point in my parenting career that is much like you are describing. I have an 8 month old that is VERY demanding of me. Sometimes the dishes don't get done. And that's ok, because I'll do them tomorrow when I do have some time during naps. This baby (he is my fourth) has refused to sleep at night away from me since the first night in the hospital. He is a snuggler! But as he is probably my last, I give in and play instead. And that's OK! Because eventually, it gets better. Just enjoy toddlerhood while it's here, because they DO grow up fast!

I have a poem in the nursery that says something to this effect. Go away Cobwebs, Dust go to sleep, I'm rocking my baby, and babies don't keep.

Oh, one thing that did help with my oldest when she was about the same age as your son. When I did the dishes, I set a small pot of soapy water in front of her on the floor. She happily played in the water, and when dishes were done, all I had to do was give a couple of swishes with a rag and her mess was cleaned up, too. Another thought: have him in the high chair and give him some cheerios or something to snack on while you do your kitchen duties. I say cheerios because they are easy to clean up. Better than say, yogurt. But give him whatever isn't too messy.

Or if you can stand a few minutes of crying, put him in a playpen while you do what you need to do. He can either cry a few minutes or play with something in there (safely contained!). A few minutes of crying isn't cruel, and afterwards, you can give him some special attention for waiting for you. Eventually, he may learn that he will get you as soon as you are done and won't cry. If he isn't too heavy, you can try to put him in a sling to carry around with you. A sling is a lifesaver during infant months, but with big babies (like mine, all hit 20 pounds at 6 months), tends to be a back breaker during toddlerhood.

And even Flylady says that it's hard to fly with small children! So don't beat yourself up!

You sound like a FUN mom! You are doing a great job playing with him, and will learn to entertain himself when he gets a little older. Flylady also says "housework done incorrectly is still done!". In other words, it doesn't have to be done perfect or a certain way!

My goodness, he's still tiny! You have 18 years to train him to independence; you don't need to do it all in the first 3 years, or even 5. Let him be attached to you NOW, when he needs you, or believe me, you WILL raise a brat. Don't worry about it this young.

What I used to do with the girls when I washed dishes is, I'd get a thick towel folded once or twice, get a little dishpan with a little warm water, a little bit of nice smelling soap, and set them up at the kitchen table or on the floor (I suggest the floor since he's so little) with some play dishes--or anything that's clean and non-breakable. Sure, you'll have a mess to clean up after but a small one that may actually clean the floor a little. I would just take the towel and wipe the floor with it (use that level of towel) and it'd kind of kill two birds with one stone.

Does he have a broom of his own? Consider getting him a whisk broom. When mama gets out the big broom, he can have his little broom.

And mostly just remember that trying to do Flylady, or any kind of housekeeping, with a very young child is nearly pointless. You can always catch up on the housework. You can't catch up on your son; this time with him is one time around only. Enjoy your time together. These are the days you will call upon in old age.

Lynn Siprelle, Editor

Thanks for the reinforcement.

I know I am a good Mom and I am raising him in a way that seems most natural to me. I do not have any younger siblings, none of my friends have kids, and I do not have much prior experience with children. While pregnant, I was planning on going back to school and working but immediately decided I wanted to stay home.

Overall I am incredibly confident in my mothering abilities, but I become insecure every once in a while. No one around me seems to be raising their children in a style similar to mine. I only know Moms who feed their kids McNuggets all day and keep them plopped in front of the tv. Since my son was born people have been telling me that I hold him too much, that we shouldn't co-sleep, and even that carriers are bad. My favorite was when I was at my parent's house and I was playing with some dolls with my son. My father first put down the toys for being boring and then told me to "Get a life" after I explained how much my son enjoyed the simpler toys. Not very supportive.

So, most of my parenting education comes from intuition and books. Both of which are helpful, but one can doubt oneself and books tend to give an all too perfect perspective on life with a young child. Your candor and advice from experience are really helpful.

I've been thinking about getting him a broom and wash basin. I was worried he was too young. I'll take your very helpful advice and get them. Most of all, I'll be a bit more confident about the way that I naturally wish to tend to him.

I have to spend some time really perusing that FlyLady website because she seems pretty fantastic.

use nap-time or times when he's already occupied with things to tackle anything that is more time-sensitive (maybe dinner or washing up), and learn to put up with lower standads for the rest. You've already been given great advice, and if you're the kind of mother who feels that McNuggests and television aren't beneficial then you're doing fine. We all second-guess ourselves once in a while, and it doesn't sound like you're getting much support. I've found that the world as a whole isn't very supportive with the way I raise my kids (this place being the exception to that, thank goodness), and I just have to do whatever suits MY conscience. The only other person who has the right to challenge the way the kids are being raised is DH. My parents and his parents can offer advice, but that's it - no telling me how to do it better!

it will gradually improve, although being firm about needing to do what you're doing won't shrivel his soul either. As Jenny said - put him in a playpen for 20mins now and then. Find things for him to do when you've got work that really needs tackling. And if you're enjoying playing with him, the hell with it all! As long as the house isn't unsanitary or so cluttered it makes you nuts (which could make anyone a bad mother!) then it's fine. As long as you take the time to prepare your meals it's fine.

Come here often and I think you'll find you fit in quite nicely. We have quite a variety of parenting styles I reckon, but the common focus for all of us to be better parents, not just have kids and expect them to bring themselves up, or leave it to schools or grandparents or childminders. Even those of us who are working (many seem to be going back to work after some years) are still focussed on doin the right thing by their kids, not leaving it to someone else. Raising kids isn't easy if you're doing it right, because you always feel like maybe you could be doing better.

join us and get the support you need... drag the playpen near the computer and talk to your son as you read or type!

Kerri.

It's hard when your parents and others in your family feel so free to critique your parenting. But you'll be the one to reap the benefits of a good relationship with your child, so stick to your guns!

BTW, my experience with my oldest was that by age 3 or so she seemed inclined toward much more independent play. I like to think that by spending a lot of time close to her in infancy I enabled her to become increasingly independent. By the time we did preschool and Kindergarten she was out the door with a wave and a smile, and nary a tear!

Even my second child, just now 3, though she is clingier and more people-oriented by nature, toddles off to a friend's house or a sitter with ease. Maybe it's just how my kids are, but I like to think that giving them a firm foundation of attachment helps them to become more and more independent as they grow.

On a practical level -- I think I used the highchair a fair amount at that age to get stuff done! Some books, some cheerios, whatever. You can get a lot done in 15 minutes.

Shaun
www.homeschoolblogger.com/shaunms

There is, if I remember correctly, a section on the Flylady site for "Flying with toddlers" or something along those lines. That might help.

I find it helpful to use a wrap or a mei tai to put my DD up on my back while I do dishes, laundry, etc. Sometimes I have to dance around also, but I can get something done.
Now that she is bigger (14 months) I may try that dishpan with soapy water idea. I bet she will love that.

Leigh, SAHM to
Fiona (7.5)
Eric (5) and
Colleen (12/05)