Crisis Management, or, Not-A-Homemaker Anymore

Be gentle with yourself, Anhata. Periods of transition are always challenging especially when you have to move in a direction you don't really want to head. When my eldest was born, I really wanted to stay home with her, but financially we just couldn't swing it without making sacrifices my husband wasn't willing to make (sell our house, leave California, etc). I was heartsick. There were days I just cried and cried knowing that I was mere days away from handing my baby to a caretaker and heading back to work. In the end, though, it worked out well and was what we needed to set us up for where we are now. Because I worked for a while, we were in a much better position financially and now I'm able to stay home with my girls.

I don't know if it helps, but remember this is temporary and is what you need to do to make your dream happen - it is just going to take a while before it happens.

Angel

I nearly forgot. If anyone gives you any guff about going back to work and sending your daughter to school, just put on your best smile and say "I'm doing what's best for my family, so just step off!" It is very therapeutic.

Angel

with at least some of that Anhata - I've been thrown back into full-time work too, and it's only a matter of weeks before I'm not physically at home as I am now. It's our own business so we have more flexibility and I'm trying to be a full-time mother a bit longer but it's not easy. Maybe you could work towards having your own business or something you could do from home once the immediate crisis is over.

I guess it's a good thing about DD - it will make it an exciting time for her rather than her feeling like she's being abandoned, which is probably how you see it at the moment. You're not abandoning her - say it aloud every day until you're convinced. If DD loved the whole homeschooling set-up it would be even harder for you. I can only hope you find a job you love to make the wrench less awful for you.

And it probably is only temporary. If it doesn't work out you'll find some other way round it. There are almost always options - some are lousy and some are less lousy, and sometimes you find one you can really live with. Maybe once DD is older she'll want to homeschool again, or maybe not. As much as I love the idea of homeschooling I've always felt that it cannot fit every family and every situation and every child and every parent, even though there are plenty of shapes it can take. If the main homeschooling parent isn't a social animal, and you aren't blessed with lots of kids in your neighbourhood there's a good chance, unless your kids is naturally introverted, that you will struggle to avoid isolation. I expect your DD will bounce back pretty quickly once she's got all those new friends at school, but of course there will be some kids to make comments on the different background - we get that now and then too because my two were born and raised in Singapore until a year ago. Most kids are just curious, but some are definitely mean. You'll just have to force yourself to listen to her stories about school when you're dog-tired and just want to crawl into a hot bath, watch out for warning signs.

I'm rambling again... Anhata, you'll cope. Just because you're having to take a few shortcuts off your own high parenting standards for a while doesn't mean you've failed. It isn't that straightforward. It hurts you, but that's different. Keep an eye on DD. Fingers crossed you find just the right school for her, as well as a dream job for yourself. Keep us posted and come gripe when you feel like strangling people.

Kerri.

Just not full-time. The book Home Comforts has some nice statements about all people who live in a home are homemakers, whether or not we work outside the home as well.

This is hitting a sore spot with me Anhata.

My DD asked to go to school. Actually, she insisted on it. I think part of it is that her brothers are both in school, and her cousin/best friend is too. She is very, very social and wanted to see what she was missing. She loved preschool, and missed the playtime with lots of playmates each day. My heart sure broke, but I don't feel it would be right to keep her here if she doesn't want to be. If school doesn't work out for her, Hooray! Whoops, I mean, OK, we'll go back to homeschooling.

I also got sucked back into the school system because of my own inability to hold firm through a guilt trip. The principals I did tutoring for called with a special education position they couldn't fill and gave me the "The kids really need the help, and if we can't find someone, we'll have to just stick any warm body in there. They *need* you." So, I too will be back at work in a month, and I'm feeling very ambivalent about it.

I have loved this past 15 months at home. I have loved the ability to do my own thing on my own timetable. I have loved hanging out with DD and being there when the boys got home. I have loved the luxury of time to cook slow food and not just keep things clean, but make them cosy and pretty too. I really loved homeschooling.

But, I also believe that with the right mindset I can still be at home in my heart. And if I don't absolutely love the work this year, I'll be back at home again next June for good.

Hang in there, and know you're not alone.
Peace,
-Jo

I'm sorry you've had to make a choice that's giving you so much pain. I do feel sure that you all will weather it and that God will turn it to something good. (Note: religious content provided b/c if I recall correctly Hata is Christian.)

Of course, that's impossible to see now! So yes, be gentle with yourself. And if you can manage it, be gentle with DH too. We too are finding that realizing the dreams of two separate people -- especially people with limited $$! -- is a complicated process. That "shared dream" can be hard to visualize and hard to wait for. I know that dream -- many dreams -- will come for us, and they will for you too.

Until then, peace be with you!

Shaun
www.homeschoolblogger.com/shaunms

Oh Anhata, I'm so sorry to hear of your situation! I'd be disappointed, too. Sometimes there really is no other good choice but for both parents to work. I hope you can find something you like, or that's at least tolerable. At least it sounds like your daughter will enjoy more social interaction.
Good luck to all of you.

I've applied to three different jobs and have interviews/tours scheduled for four different Montessori schools near our home. One is only four blocks away and has openings for this school year. It's a preK and K only program so that still leaves next year, but it turns out there will be a Montessori Charter school starting next year, perhaps I can get DD into that for first grade. I got some great advice from one of the Directors tonight on how to prepare DD for Kindergarten with cursive writing practice and sounding out the letters. She's been "writing" all summer long, she's going to love this.

I sat down and explained to her what I'm doing right now--looking for a job for me and a school for her--she's very happy to be going to a school again (she was going to a Waldorf Co-op Kindergarten for nearly two years before this last February). She's upbeat, cheerful, and really looking forward to making new friends. I really think this is the best thing for her right now.

I'm actually getting a big boost of confidence in the application process. I've reviewed my prior work history, rewritten my resume, and when I look over it, I realize how much I accomplished in the two years I was working before I had DD. I'm not the miserable flunky I seem to think I am. I've got this internal dialogue of everything I've ever done wrong, and when faced with the facts on my resume, I realized how destructive that is, because there's an awful lot I've done right too. This is like a shot in the arm of confidence in my own competence. If that makes sense.

DH is very supportive of this whole thing. He'd better be, because I'm betting he's going to be the one taking DD to and from school each day since he works from home and doesn't have to commute via car. His commute is stopping in the kitchen, getting a cuppa coffee and walking down the stairs to his office!

Amazingly, I went to look at job postings and there are current listing that are in my field. Portland is a good place for my job skills (public relations/special events, basically working in Development or Communication departments). There was nothing in SW Missouri for me except part time marketing jobs which were OK, but my first love is doing public relations for non profits, social services, or hospitals. Mostly because I know that what I'm doing is making people's lives better.

So I'm coming to terms with the whole thing fairly well. I've been coming to the conclusion that this is going to have to happen for several weeks now, so it's not like it's a big shock. Just a moderate one.

Anhata
www.familynaturally.com
Your Family's General Store, Naturally

Glad you seem to be a bit more positive now Anhata. I'm sure it will help you to get through this difficult period in your life if you can appreciate the positives in the situation - school friends for your DD, a fulfilling job for you. When you've got the real tangible benefit of seeing your debts being paid off, that's going to feel great. A real investment in your futures.

Be gentle on yourself, and keep "listening"

Zillah

Hugs Anhata! YOu sound much more optimistic in your second post than in your first. I hope that some good will come of this and it sounds like it will - more social opportunities for your daughter and the chance to get your financial house in order again. That will feel good! Also a much needed boost of self-esteem for you! Will be thinking of you and praying for you -
Andrea

I don't know if there are subjects you are really good at teaching to younger children (only you know what you enjoyed while homeschooling), but if you have a high speed internet connection, Tutor.com is looking for people to help tutor kids grade school and up into college. I think they mostly need math and science tutors right now, but it pays about $9/hour and you can do it from home. Best wishes to you, and realize that NO ONE can tell you what is best for your family but you. We'll keep you in our prayers.
Jillian

(((Hugs))) from me. I'm glad to hear you are finding some good job possibilities. I had to work full-time for part of last year, and though I didn't want to do it, I knew it was God's provision for us at that time and was grateful for it. Or tried to be, anyway. Just keep on trusting! I agree with Shaun that you'll be amazed at the good you see come out of it.