Okay. Need some very candid opinions on something that has been bothering me for oh....a year or so. It has to do with the very popular topic of the mother-in-law and the way in which she punishes her grandson. I really do need help with this:(
My MIL takes care of her daughter's 26 month old son. My SIL has absolutely no idea that while in her mother's care her child endures light spanking/tapping on the hand (done out of anger and frustration with no focused purpose) and horrendous (and almost constant) yelling and screaming. I have heard things come out of her mouth that you would not believe: "I'll kill you if you cry," "Why do you put that shit in your mouth," and even the dreaded F word thrown around.
Now let me explain that she is absolutely not a physically violent woman. Her abusive behavior comes from being a very unintelligent, childish woman, having extremely painful arthritis, and being incredibly tired. She is an excellent caretaker of newborns and children for whom she doesn't have sole responsibilty. She is superb with my child because she has no real responsibilty for him. I would never allow her to take care of my child.
My MIL is at my SIL's home no later than 6am so that her daughter can shower, etc. MIL runs errands, grocery shops and cooks for my SIL. My MIL usually gets home sometime between 5:30 and 7:00pm. She does this 5 days a week and usually a few hours on the weekend so that SIL can run errands and do things around the house more easily. MIL is tired and has absolutely no coping skills. She is so worried about her daughter's happiness-and love-that she won't tell her "I have had enough. I am tired. I cannot take care of your son 60 or more hours a week."
Also, SIL is having a second child in about a month. She'll be staying home from work for 6 months. Then there is the possibility that MIL will be taking care of 2 kids!!! SIL doesn't want to send her 2 year old to daycare because she is worried something bad may happen with a caretaker. Since her two year old only has about 2 words, he would not be able to express himself. I feel like telling her that Daycare could be no worse than staying home with your mother!! Also, their two year old is behind developmentally in very significant ways and I am not sure it isn't due to MIL's inability to teach and support him.
So-my hubby doesn't want to say anything because his mother will never speak to him again. He thinks we should mind our own business. I think a mother has the right to know how her child is being cared for, but I also fear the repercussions to the entire family. What do you think?