I think we have decided to slow down. I am just not ready to plunge ahead and move in the next couple of months. It's too soon. So we are slowing down, with the likelihood of going through this process in the spring.

It's been hard: I have so much invested in being supportive of DH, and though he says "It's not time to do it if you're not ready," he also has said that he is sad and disappointed. I feel terrible about that, but I'm not sure what else I can do.

I'm also realizing that in the last few weeks I have been sliding into a depression. I don't think I'm in a good place to make a huge life-changing decision. I also think -- wow, the last 18 months have been absolutely nuts in our lives (fire, decision to homeschool, illness, marriage issues that I haven't discussed here). I need to stop and rest for a bit.

So I have to think about what it means to be supportive of DH while still trying to figure out what I need. I wonder if he is sad in part because longer-term goals are not really a part of his reality/experience. Either it happens or it doesn't. You get what you want right now, or you don't get it.

He has mentioned some short-term things he can do at minimal expense to have some of what he wants (get separate electricity to the garage so he can have a shop in there), and there are also lots of things to do in order to get the house ready to sell and get our finances clear. (That is part of my issue with making a sudden change -- the amount of work is enormous and I will shoulder a big part of it. Whatever his desires are, I am the only one who has been decluttering this week, even after deciding we should probably wait!) I think if I really want to be a "guardian of the dream" I will need to be active in keeping those things going, and prove that "not now" doesn't have to mean "not ever."

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