my sister is driving me crazy

Welp, your sister has issues. That's what I think. What they are, I can't say, but I bet it's something about your family of origin.

Lynn Siprelle, Editor

1. What I'd say: Next time it came up, I'd say, "I made a note of your suggestion. Once the baby's born we'll see how it goes." Or something like that. After that I'd say something like, "I think I'm familiar with your opinion on this. Let's talk about something else."

2. What's going on: Well if you don't know, Becky, no one else will be able to figure it out!

Just trying to get in your sister's head -- and completely apart from anything I know about you -- I can think of one friend I've had whose house was messy beyond all reason, whose kids seemed undernourished, and who always seemed a little off-kilter in conversation, like she hadn't quite mastered social skills 101. (A mutual friend's mom once described the poor woman as "slovenly.") She was a sweet lady and at times had some very smart things to say about homemaking and parenting (she was especially well-read on breastfeeding) but she was a person to whom I would be tempted to apply the phrase "Marginal Life Skills." (Just based on your posts here -- and your upcoming PhD -- and I would say that you have a lot more going on upstairs!)

Did your sister visit you on a really bad house day? Are you extremely introverted and perhaps she interprets this as being socially backwards?

Not that it would make much more sense if these were true -- just trying to puzzle through it using my own limited experience!

Shaun
www.homeschoolblogger.com/shaunms

but NOBODY understands or appreciates how much work is involved when an infant arrives. I think that this an intentional move on the part of (insert deity of choice here.) Otherwise, no-one would procreate!
EVERYBODY becomes overwhelmed in the first couple of weeks. And then, you find your groove, and life goes on.
Sure, everyone has an idea of what life will be like when the baby arrives, but as Lynn would say, babies is crazy.
As far as your sister goes - WOW! My only suggestion is to screen your calls for a little while. Limit the stressors in your life, including your sister!
Hope you are well.
Rose

If she is someone you can talk to about these things. What I mean is, do you and your mom have a pretty good relationship, or does she have a better relationship with your sister? Maybe she can see where either of you are coming from. I mean, since she is the mother to BOTH of you, it may be hard for her to be biased and may give you a pretty honest opinion.

Otherwise, I'd tell sister to shove off, she has NO idea! Ok, you can put it more delicately. LOL! (which is what I have told my childless brother, who is 28 and has never had a serious relationship with anyone. HE told me that HIS wife would have the baby at home. LOL!!! HE has NO IDEA, can barely care for himself, has never even babysat and I would NEVER leave him alone with my children because of the fact).

one possibility - is she maybe worried about you struggling to cope because of the miscarriage? I know it doesn't quite make sense but I can maybe see that someone might manage to put that together with an assumption that you might be more liable to suffer from post-natal depression, and think that maybe you need something NOW to help you cope better then. It's a bit of a long shot but it does put your sister in a better light.

another possibility - she's seen something recently (friends or neighbours perhaps, or television) and she is making a link between the poor parenting she's seen and the type of people in that case, maybe they were academics or something, and she's linking it on to your lifestyle.

definitely see if your mother knows what's going on, but go gently. I would guess that in some odd way your sister is showing concern for you, even if it isn't apparent at the moment what the connections are in her head. Otherwise, do what Rose suggests and screen your calls, limit contact with your sister for a bit so you can respond to her calmly when you're ready.

good luck Becky... isn't there always *something*!

Kerri.

She had no idea what was up, either. I'm being pretty gentle with my sister, because she is two years younger than I am and I figure she thinks I have it coming for bossing her around when we were kids. Our parents were fairer than some to the older sibling and didn't blame me for things she did or anything like that, so maybe she's taking revenge while she has the chance!

Just ignore her for a while. Maybe not HER, but avoid the baby subject for a bit. Hopefully this will pass. Like you said, a younger sibling thing. I can't wait for my little brother to have a baby and eat all of his parenting advice. LOL! ok, I can wait for him to finish "finding himself" first. For the first time in his life, he has a job (not a career, though. He tends bar or something and doesn't make much), renting a two room place and a car. He can wait on the kids.

Unless you can nail your sister down to what specifically she's talking about, I don't know that there's much you can do. It sounds like she's having a hard time articulating to you what she's trying to say, either because she doesn't know herself or because she's trying to be delicate on the issue.

With no disrespect towards your sister, unless she believes for some strange reason that you don't possess some of the skills necessary to parent well (self confidence/esteem, coping skills, familiar with developmental needs of children, household management, the rest of the stuff on that bulleted list at the Family Support Center website) I can only think that these are concerns she has of her own probable parenting skills and is projecting them on to you?

That's all I've got. Hope things get less weird very soon!

Anhata
www.familynaturally.com
Your Family's General Store, Naturally

Some people don't take change well, even if its vicariously. I know when I told my friends I was pregnant, several of them had bizarre reactions and I lost some of them because of that. A friend of mine basically went over the deep end when her sister announced she was pregnant, and it was all because she herself wasn't married or having kids at the time. She didn't know how to cope with it. Unfortunate, but true. Currently, I'm on my second pregnancy and one of my sister's is acting strange now. Who knows why people behave the way they do. All the comments above that suggested separation seem pretty sound to me. I know that's what I'm doing with my sister, as of today. Pregnancy is tiring and stressful enough without trying to figure out what's wrong with the next person.

Good luck to you.