I want to sob...

sometimes we can get on great, but those really are the exceptions and most of the time he goes ou of his way to drive me up the wall. Even my mother admitted that he's not like that with anyone else. I do have a good relationship with my mother though, so 1 out of 2 is better than some people have I guess. I do understand your frustration though. Maybe she thinks differently about things because of her own experiences, perhaps her childhood. Understanding where she's coming from better might help you to bite your tongue when she's driving you nuts!

sleep does help. And don't let your mother mess up your relationship with your MIL - that's one person you don't want to make an enemy of by rejecting her friendship! Just try not to flaunt your friendship with your MIL in your mother's face.

Kerri.

Sorry you and your mother are having words.

We have the mothers we have. For some of us, that's a good thing; for others of us, it's an awful thing. For most of us it falls in between. Keep the focus on yourself and work on accepting your mother as she is, not as you would want her to be. It's one of those simple and therefore hard things to do. hugs.

Lynn Siprelle, Editor

Let my mother have her issues.

We've all got issues, and sometimes other people's issues grate on us, rub the wrong way, push our buttons, throw our own issues into high relief (that one sucks rocks) or we otherwise take them personally. Especially if they're very close to us, like mothers, fathers, siblings, etc.

I'm trying to learn let people, like my mother, have their issues, not take it personally, or try to argue or otherwise move them into thinking more like I do, which is, of course, the right way.

I haven't gotten real far with it, but I'm better than I used to be. I too love my mother all to pieces, she's a wonderful woman, and we ususally see eye to eye on just about everything. It's in other ways that my fur gets rubbed wrong, but I keep telling myself that that's my problem, not hers.

This probably doesn't help you at all, but that's about all I have to offer. Sounds like some of the tension comes from different value systems, like money trumps relationships or something. That's helpful to know if that's happening, sometimes.

Anhata
www.familynaturally.com
Your Family's General Store, Naturally

I sat and talked to my DH about it a bit too...he usually helps me out--guess that's why we're married!! I realize that her environment growing up was a lot different than mine. She was raised by a single mom who never married and feels she turned out fine (I agree, she's great), so sees no reason to have "moral issues" with things like sex before marriage, as I do. I was born out of wedlock as well, but feel that I can see why it should be so important to fight for the "moral issue"--I think I turned out alright, but I believe there are many benefits to a secure home. I also realize that sometimes I am a little touchy, and I can't blame anyone for that but myself (funny thing is, I think that is what my mom and I have in common!! ha ha). I don't mind that my mom has differing values or opinions, as most human beings do (in fact, I often enjoy conversations with other folks as I analyze my point of view). The problem (I think) is that I wish I could vent to her, or cry to her and have her say something consoling rather than "Well, why do you have to fight for such pointless causes?" "Why does it matter to you if XYZ happens?" etc. *sigh* no matter, it'll be alright sooner or later...I guess it's just something we all deal with one way or another. Thanks for hearing me out. Now, off of me...how are you all doing?

you can come here and vent, as you did this time, and find a different role for your mother - the solution-finder or the person who bucks you up, gives you a good kick in the pants. Play to her strengths and save the venting for other places so you don't put yourself in a situation where you're going to get frustrated so much.

Kerri.

Yes! That is exactly what I need to do, yet I hadn't heard it put that way...see her as some other role, so I don't get frustrated. A light just went on...thanks.

sometimes you can hear something but until it gets said another way it just doesn't have that 'lightbulb' moment! Between us we eventually hit the nail on the head, because it was what Becky said that made me think of it that way.

Kerri.

My mother and I do not have a thing in common and I get so frustrated with her stupidity.....and the worst part is she lives with me, and has for the past 15 years. I feel like I am raising a toddler all over again, and its not her old age (she is 80), its HER, she has always been like this. So I know what you are going through, and words can hurt more than a slap. Hang in there, and realize there are lots of "you" out here

You hit how I often feel on the noggin, but I'm starting to use Kerri's idea a little more. For example, we talk about the cute things the kids did that day, and then DON'T delve into how I wouldn't let DS watch an extra show, cuz then she'll say that I am weird and that TV isn't a big deal and that my kids are deprived. So, we then move onto what I made for dinner, as that seems neutral, unless I mention the bread or rolls I made, so I leave that out. I don't talk about our evening walk unless I'm feeling like I need a good "humph". Otherwise, trying to stay on the topics above!!