DH and I have each come home from school in tears in the last two days -- yes, I mean DH, not DD. We are struggling mightily to make school a fit, and I am ready to give up the fight. But I am full of self-doubt.
Not about whether I could be a homeschooling parent -- I think I could do a reasonable job -- but about whether I know my kid or not.
We had DD6 assessed because the teacher seemed to see such a different kid. IQ testing and achievement tests told us what we already knew, but in edu-speak: she's "exceptionally gifted," and anywhere from 3 to 7 years above grade level in various subjects.
After much negotiating we got DD6 placed in 2nd grade for 1/2 the day, with a plan to advance her directly to 3rd next year. But the 2nd grade teacher now feels she lacks the maturity -- talks too much, doesn't follow rules, spaces out and doesn't pay attention, wants to play all the time -- to be in 2nd grade. He was expecting her to be a high-performing go-getter (why, I don't now) but she remains unmotivated and inattentive most of the time. I think he's joined the team that thinks DH and I are just pushy parents who, in his words, "want her to be a doctor by age 10."
The 1st grade teacher likewise seems to think DD6 barely has the skills for 1st grade: she's always last in line from lunch and recess, she's disorganized, doesn't keep track of her things.
Both teachers report that she often seems to get angry out of nowhere and lash out at other students.
So I'm thinking, OK, school is a bad fit. Intellectually she needs much more stimulation than even 2nd grade can provide, and emotionally she needs more play and creative time than she is allowed in a higher-grade classroom. The other kids frustrate her because she doesn't want to work at their pace and she gets very impatient. She also just not much of a team player, to say the least. It's not that the teacher or the school is bad, it's that DD6 is highly "asynchronous" -- her mental and emotional/social skills are at widely different levels that can't be met in one classroom.
But the school is sending a different message. Both of our teachers have made a point of saying, "I've been doing this for x years" when telling us that we just need to relax and let DD6 "be six," as they say. They tell us she'll be happier if we just leave well enough alone.
The district gifted coach has a signifcant interest in assuring us that the schools should and will meet her needs if we just keep working at it.
The only thing everyone agrees on is that she is not working up to her potential, and seems to make a point of doing a mediocre job on most of her work.
I guess I am so worried about being perceived as, or just being, a pushy, smothering, know-it-all parent that I don't trust myself to assess my child's needs. I suppose it also relates to my own difficulties in "fitting in" as a gifted kid -- still trying to fit my square peg into the round hole, and taking the whole family with me! 
And yet I think about the extra time for her to practice piano -- which she loves -- compose music, draw, paint, and just goof around like a kid. I *don't* want her to be a doctor at age 10 -- but if she can be studying calculus at age 10 before going out to swing on the swingset and do sidewalk chalk with her little sister I'd be pleased. I'd love to have time to do the home religious formation that always falls by the wayside in our busy schedules -- talk about misplaced priorities!
And then again I think about the disapproving friends, family, school . . . I'm just exhuasted from trying to work the system, and I don't have any energy left for defending myself for opting out of the system. And then there's the whole issue of needing my income . . .
Gah!
Sorry for the long vent. What I'm really looking for is some perspective, some support in how to trust my gut, when my gut instinct is "run for the hills!" and let DH and his 2nd wife sort it out!
