How I want to "be the change" I want to see in the world

Submitted by Anhata on Thu, 01/19/2006 - 7:22pm

One thing about myself that I've decided to be concious of lately is my listening skills. I was raised by a family that interrupted incessantly and had to break myself of the habit once I moved out and hooked up with He Who Would Become My DH out of sheer necessity. It was one of the hardest things I'd had to to up to that point--to shut up an let someone finish their sentence.

Now that I've mostly got that part down, I want to learn how to really listen.

Instead of:

waiting for my turn to speak,

anticipating what I think might be said next,

composing my response in my head while the other person is still speaking,

inturupting to offer solutions or advice,

expecting people to listen to one of my ancedotes for each one they share (the hardest one for me),

resenting that "I can't get a word in edgewise" sometimes and start a battle over who gets to talk more,

I'll just listen.

The other thing...stop talking to kids, including my own, in a high, singsong voice. I think it's really starting to turn my daughter off and suspect that's one main reason she's tuning me out. I think it affects how other kids are relating to me, too. She's five, not 2 months old. At this point, it's a matter of showing mutual respect for esch other.

Anyway, gotta go. Thought I'd share what's been on my mind.

I'm sorry, I wasn't listening

Submitted by Lynn on Thu, 01/19/2006 - 8:34pm.

What was that again?

You've never struck me as an inattentive listener.

Lynn Siprelle, Editor

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it can be a regional thing

Submitted by Becky on Thu, 01/19/2006 - 9:28pm.

In some cultures interruption is more normal than in others.

I've also noticed that British people talk in shorter sentences than Australians and New Zealanders, who talk in shorter sentences than Canadians, who talk in shorter sentences than Americans. However, we all write about the same-length sentences for some reason. But when I have a conversation with a British person I feel as though I am going on and on and on.

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wonder where I fit in that!

Submitted by Kerri on Fri, 01/20/2006 - 4:09am.

I haven't really noticed that, but I tend to finish people's sentences for them. With my mother it's a necessity, and most of the time it's because she can't think what word she's looking for - her brain wanders before she reaches the end of a sentence.

DH talks and talks and talks when he gets excitable and I sat in a meeting with him the other day and had to gently kick him to let the accountant get a word in!

I don't think we can avoid thinking about the words we're hearing. We automatically process it and plan what to say next otherwise most conversations would be pretty dull and slow I think. There are certain circumstances where we need to listen more carefully than others, make the speaker aware that we're listening to every word they say before we answer, but for everyday conversation I don't think we need to beat ourselves up when we're listening and planning our own next sentence at the same time. That's what keeps a conversation going most of the time.

I agree about the voices adults use to kids. Fortunately it never really came naturally to me to do that so I haven't. I discuss things with my kids in much the same voice I'd use to anyone else. Listening to us when I'm driving and the kids are throwing out all kinds of weird questions and discussion topics would be quite amusing! And there are times when NOT listening to kids is a sanity saver. If I actually heard every word whenever DS opens his mouth to say something about Harry Potter I'd have been dragged away in a white coat by now!

Kerri.

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