Misunderstood

Warning:
Very long rant to follow. Feel free to return to your regularly scheduled program.

I am feeling very misunderstood today, and I hate that. I have worked very hard the last several years to communicate clearly, and when I know I have been clear, but I am misunderstood, it frustrates me.

DS13 has been pretty upset at school recently.

The back-story is that he already completed a formal pre-algebra class last year as a seventh grader. When we were discussing enrolling him in our public school last spring, I made it a point to talk with the Middle School principal about getting an appropriate math placement for him. She assured me that she was all for placing kids where they needed to be, and that if he needed to go on to Freshman math, she would have no problem making that happen. When school started, they gave him a test to determine if he could test out of eighth grade math. He failed. No big deal, but he said it was way, way harder than what they did in class. I asked him to bring his math book home so we could look through it and know where he was going in math this year. He did, we found all that good, hard stuff in the book, all was grand. DS15 even looked through the book and said it was 85% the same stuff they did in Freshman math. Cool.

Then I went to Open House and complemented the math teacher on the book, told her how impressed I was with the rigor, blah, blah, blah. Her response was to look at me blankly and respond that she didn't really like the book because it was a mile wide and an inch deep, that she had no intention of getting through the book, and furthermore considered the book to be a resource. What?!? Talked myself down and left.

The next school day after the Open House DS's class started a huge project, 40% of their quarter grade in math. It was to select 2 recipies, convert them to feed 20, select 2 ingredients and compare unit prices to determine the best deal. DS did not do the project. We found out it wasn't turned in when the principal called and said he had to stay after school to do it, it was 40% of his grade and he would get a 0 on it anyway.....and so on. We said, fine, keep him, we support you.....whatever.

When I went to get DS and we talked on the way home he said he didn't do the project because it was stupid, he had done similar work in 5th grade, and so on. Then he said he wanted to homeschool because no one at the school supported him, had given him a test that was a final for a book the teacher didn't even use, he didn't understand why he had to pass a test on really hard things to leave a class doing fraction multiplication and unit rate work, it was deadly boring and so on.

Then his report card came. Now, I am not a math teacher, but he got an A- in math. Up to the point of the 0 on a project worth 40% of the grade, he had a 100% average. His grade should have been a 60%, right? A fine, natural consequence for refusing to do a project you don't like. He also had a level "4" on all of the criteria in the math section, and according to the key on the report card, a "4" means "consistently exceeds grade-level expectations. I waited until Parent-Teacher conferences to address it, trying to be a good, supportive parent.

The talk with the math teacher was a disaster. I told her DS was confused by the criteria for testing out of eighth grade math being a test for a program that was not used in eighth grade. I also wondered why he got an A- instead of a 60%. She said that he was such a strong math student, and she knew he knew how to do it, and he did complete it afterschool that day, so she decided to cut him some slack. As for the test, she said she believed in the power of hands-on project to catch the interest of students so she used her own unit studies. THAT WASN"T THE QUESTION! I didn't ask her why she didn't use the book, I asked her why he had to pass a test for a program that wasn't used. She told me to talk to the principal.

I did. I asked her the same thing, showed her the report card with all "4s" and the 100% average. I showed her that at that point in the second marking period he had a 104% average. She agreed he could be challenged in other ways, threw out some great ideas, we were going gangbusters, all was well. I told DH, he was happy. Cool. DS was to be doing freshman math in his 8th grade math time and classroom, and consult with a high school teacher. Great.

Right now DS13 is working on another huge unit study worth 40% of both his math and social studies grades for the quarter. He has to plan a route from our town to Los Angeles. He has to stop at certain places, like where the Delaration of Independence was signed, at a Civil War battlefield, and so on. He has to convert his vehicle's tank size and MPG to miles traveled per tank. He has to eat 3 times a day and add up miles traveled per leg and for the trip as a whole, and money spent per leg and the trip as a whole. Yup, this is 8th grade.

Last night I went to the school board meeting to take notes for my In the Schools column. As I was leaving she chased me out and told me in a very confrontational way that she "knew in her gut" he wasn't ready for high school math, he had "failed the placement test" and he would have to "test out of each unit as it comes up to prove he has already mastered it." She said it was only 25% of the year so far, so how could we possibly know that the work wasn't challenging. She insinuated that my goal was only to accelerate him into High School math. Then she proceeded to tell me if I didn't like that I could contact the Superintenent. I was floored.

I have conducted myself in a calm, respectful way. I have asked questions for my child and supported the school. I NEVER asked for him to do high school math. I asked for him to be challenged. I would be thrilled if he could do the 8th grade book independent study. We had everything worked out. Why the anger from her now? I just don't get it, and I didn't sleep at all last night. How could they have both (the math teacher and principal) have misunderstood my intent? THEY suggested High School math, not me, and I only agreed with their idea.

She obviously thinks me a pushy mother and I think my kid is God's gift to the world etc.

All I did was question, for my son, why the test he had to take was based on a book they don't use. We wondered why the test couldn't be on the actual content of the class. Her own teacher assessed him as
consistently exceeding grade level expectations! Why does the kid have to do this ridiculous stuff when he has a 104% average?

My DH was with me at the Parent-teacher conference, and he said I was completely respectful and calm. At the meeting with just the principal, we had a wonderful, positive time. Why all of a sudden is she angry at me? I don't get it. And my kid is still trapped in a math program he hates at a school he feels no support from.

I was a good parent, went through the right channels, was supportive of the school, (I am even an officer in the Parent Group!) and I am being treated like a Mother from Hell. I don't get it. At. All.

OK, I'm done. Sorry, I just had to get that out so I can sleep tonight.

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