Don't Go It Alone

When being a 24/7 mom becomes overwhelming, friends and family can lend a hand. Here's how to ask for the help you need.

ince the beginning of time, mothers have put the family's needs ahead of their own. While moms are such exceptional nurturers, we often lose sight of our own health and happiness in the process -- and we feel uneasy leaning on others.

It's hard to know why. Maybe it's because women believe that asking for help is a sign of weakness, or we feel that handling everything is just part of being a good mom. But, none of those reasons really hold up under scrutiny. In fact, when help isn't available when you need it, a sense of isolation ensues and leads to excessive stress that could set you up for anxiety or even depression.

"Becoming a mother is the beginning of the most ambitious marathon you'll ever take on. The physical and emotional demands can drain even the strongest woman over time," says Amy Tiemann, author of Mojo Mom: Nurturing Yourself While Raising a Family (Spark Press). "We as mothers have to pace ourselves and learn to reach out to other families to offer and receive help."

While we know it isn't easy to reach out, here are some quick tips to provide inspiration for you to get that help:

Don't be a martyr Let go of the idea that being a "good" mom means doing everything yourself. Understand that being a good mom is actually being able to recognize when you need help and acting on it.

Say yes to offers of help If someone offers to help you in any way, stop saying you don't need it or you'll be fine. "If your brother offers to cook dinner for you, but you have leftovers from last night, take him up on his offer and save the leftovers for tomorrow," says Jen Singer, mother and author of 14 Hours 'til Bedtime (Wyatt-MacKenzie Publishing).

Be specific Friends and family want to help but often they don't know how. When a friend offers to "help with the baby" let her know exactly how she can contribute (e.g. do a load of laundry, watch the baby while you run an errand or take a shower). "The more specific you are," says Mary Byers, mother and the author of The Mother Load: How to Meet Your Own Needs While Caring for Your Family (Harvest House Publishers), "the more likely you are to have your needs met."

Recognize your helpers' abilities and strengths  Some helpers prefer babies and others prefer older kids. If you have access to someone who is more comfortable with older children, then ask her to take your older kids for an hour or two while you stay home with the baby.  On the other hand, someone who prefers little ones can stay at your house and baby sit while you run errands, go to the gym or simply go out for a cup of coffee on your own. 

Be willing to reciprocate While you may not be able to help immediately, if a friend does a favor for you or watches your child, get out your calendar and ask "When can I return the favor?"

Christine McLaughlin is a mother of two young boys and a freelance writer, editor and author of the newly released The Dog Lover's Companion to Philadelphia.

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