Embracing the life of a Homemaker

I moved this out of the books and back into the forums, and I moved it from Clean and Organized to Making Connections. MC is where we talk about support issues like this. No worries.

To me, being a homemaker means making home, whatever that means for your family: Doing the things no one else can do to make things happy and comfortable. For some families that means doing all the ironing and so on. For others, that means special cooking, or growing the family's food, or homeschooling the children. You need to find out whatever that is for your family.

EVERYONE needs taken care of, including YOU. The art of homemaking is finding out what your family and you yourself need to be cared for.

These are good things to think about. I think about them all the time, especially right now. I haven't had a good spring health-wise--it's been one thing after another but no heart stuff! and I've been really in demand work-wise so it's been easy to bury my nose in my laptop and get nothing else done.

I'm in the midst of returning to my homemaking roots; these things go in cycles for me. The first step I always take is getting my apron on. When my apron's on, I get more done because it reminds me what my primary task is around here--keeping things running. I have something protecting my clothes, and something to wipe my hands on. I have pockets to put random stuff in. I'm just not in homemaker headspace without it.

And with that, I really need to fold some laundry!

Lynn Siprelle, Editor

I really do look at homemaking as my job. I have a degree, have been in the military, and been in the work force from fast food, to my own "organizeing" business.
I am now a stay at home wife and mother. My hours are sometimes long. Sometimes not.
I devour books and websites to help me make my job easier and funner.
I want to make my home a refuge for my husband, kids, friends and me! Cleaning is a small part of that. Cooking is small, but essential part. Being available, and not frazzeled is a big part.
As to taking care of my hubby...he is an adult. He can do alot of things..and he does help me a ton. But I enjoy, having the clothes done for him, and makeing him dinners. He plays with the kids, and they jump all over and wrestle with him...hearing that laughter, makes my "job" a success! We discuss the world affairs, his goals at his work, and the trial and tribulations of our kids.
I would stay home with or without children. I love what I do, and although I don't get a monetary reward, I know that I don't have the stress and drama involved with working outside the home. I have a great circuit of friends, hobbies and volunteer, I love my life, and am very fullfilled

For me the taking care of my DH is all about the little things. He usually does ironing and washing up, and he's far better at keeping the house clean than I am, so I've stopped worrying about it. I don't stay home to keep the house clean - if I worked outside it would probably be cleaner - I'm here to raise my kids primarily, and make life as easy as possible for DH who often works long, very stupid hours.

For me I often have the favourite foods and snacks ready (not good since DH is now twice the size he was before we married!), but it's also making sure his parents have what they need eve if he's away, getting things out of the way during the week if possible so I can keep the weekend free (depends if I have wheels or not). Getting him ready for the morning I make sure there's hot water for his shower (instant heater, not central), get the towels off the rack into the bathroom, lay out his underwear, pour him a cup of tea... He gets breakfast out, so that's easy.

It's those little things that, to me, make the difference of a real home. Saving him money when I can too, making meals at home for us all (though he's hardly eaten with us this year, but it still applies to myself and the kids).

Also providing a haven where he can talk out all his work woes with me, no matter how late at night... definitely lots of little things. He's more than capable of the basics himself (also good at cooking as well as cleaning), but this isn't a boarding house so it's different that he doesn't have to do it all. Some, but not all.

Oh, and one last thought... sorry to be quoting Simple Abundance yet again (I'm constantly reading it I'm afraid!) but there was a date in July which talked about the home as a hobby, and it came from an essay written by the English essayist Arnold Bennett (who was born and bred in the place I'm moving back to, pretty much!)... it's about trying not to see all the broken stuff and things that need changing as chores, but to see them as your hobby. It will never really be finished. I'd check the date, but I gotta run out to pick up DH from work (10pm!).

Kerri.

I seem to find myself in a rut similar to what you are talking about. I'm a pretty good mom, but have have problems keeping up with the house and hubby. I try to have family meals together, but the past month has been so hectic, I find that we are seldom together during dinner hours. Either we aren't home because of ball practices or games, or he isn't home because of a meeting or work.

I also hate to cook and dislike cleaning. Well, I guess I would like cooking more if I didn't have to clean it afterwards. My hubby doesn't cook or clean. I shudder to think what would happen to my kids if something should happen to me. I'm sure they would go to school dirty and starving.

But I'm trying to find my way out of the rut. I'm really going to work on the house this week, and plan some meals. I find things run more smoothly when I stick to a routine, but I've been so routineless lately...

Good Luck. I think part of being a homemaker is finding HOW you are one. And it may take YEARS of practice to get it down. Like maybe by the time the kids are grown. LOL!

I worked for about 4 years before we went through a major transition--my husband lost his job at a startup, was unemployed for about 5 months, found a new job in a different city, and I lost my job! He took the new job and we moved, and since it seemed like a good time to think about starting a family I never looked for another job here. No kids yet, so it's just me and the cats at home most of the time.

I certainly didn't love being a homemaker for about the first year--I really floundered. I had taught myself how to cook while in college, but I never learned a lot of the other skills I needed. It's taken both learning those skills and an attitude change on my part to get things more in shape around here (and they're both still ongoing!) I also look at it as my "job"--my contribution to the household. It may not be monetary, but it's important: I keep things running. I can't say I enjoy housework, but it certainly helps to focus on how much nicer the house looks when I do it and how much better we both feel when the house is cleaner and more under control. It's so nice to be able to invite people in now, even if it's not quite perfect.

My husband is both taking classes toward a Master's degree and working in a demanding job with a long commute, so he can definitely use some help and care. I make sure his work clothes are clean and put away, do the menu planning and grocery shopping, cook and clean up from dinner and pack lunches for him, try to keep the house clean, run errands, and basically do what I can to make things easier for him. He's got enough stress on the job; he doesn't need more at home! I don't always succeed and I can't take care of everything, but I hope it helps.

The most difficult thing for me (aside from learning the basics and trying to get myself going) has been not having much social contact. Even introverts need friends, but it's been hard for me to find new ones since we moved. I should probably get more involved with volunteering or hobbies or something here in our new community, but I haven't quite overcome the inertia yet. That, and there always seems to be some urgent project requiring my attention. I guess there always will be.

I'm also fairly introverted about making new friends Sparrow, and I would happily let everything else take priority over getting out and making real human contact. I know I'm going to be facing this soon when we move. I've used the excuse here that I really don't have many people I can fit with (most women work, and if they don't they're usually dead rich or dead thick - that leaves maids and grandmothers whose English is poor, or expats of various nationalities who are all incurably snotty to locals). I won't have that excuse when I'm back in the UK. I can see I'm going to have to schedule activities which force me to make human contact, other than the cashier in my local supermarket, and my various doctors!!

Like any other job or profession those who are worth employing are those who are constantly trying to update their skills, improve their ways of doing things, and make everything work better. We're all clearly doing that. The problem for us is that our job is much more closely tied up with WHO we are, so finding our niche in our job is much the same as trying to find out who we are. So those of us who get too caught up in what we're doing and then realise they have lost vital parts of their identity somewhere along the line, will come to a point (maybe several times) where we need to re-evaluate ourselves and our approach to work.

Jenny... do you think that maybe it's time to schedule a 15min chat with DH about the number of external activities?? Maybe not... obviously with you being tied to the land there will be times when you are really busy and times when you are less busy. Maybe this is just a busier season. But if you feel like it's getting out of control there might be steps you can all take to get things back to a 'living' state instead of just 'surviving'!! I know the feeling... we're just surviving at the moment because we're in the process of moving everything from one continent to another - I can't expect everything to be routine, and it will take a while to establish new routines once we've moved. That's clearly an extreme example of a busy season. But it won't be repeated on a regular basis, so I can let it go. If I found myself getting too busy ALL the time I think I'd have to see where I could scale back a bit.

'Continuous improvement' - the watch words of me and my management consultant father!!

nuts - just sliced two fingertips taking foil off a yoghurt pot - difficult to type!! Occupational hazard I guess!!

Kerri.

I realy liked the response, we need to find how we are homemakers. I have only been a homemaker for One year and have a 6yr. old and a 10 mon. old and a new baby on the way. I find myself having trouble with time managment. Every thing takes so long and before I know it its time to start dinner and I feel like I have hardly spent any time with the kid's. I do find that taking some time for myself on-line and such seems to help me feel more accomplished. this is my first time writing.

Mommieoftwoandahalf

For me, 'homemaking' means what the words literally say: making a home, or, to use my mother's preferred expression, 'creating an environment'. It means everything that goes into the creation of a warm, welcoming, regenerative, cozy environment for everyone who lives or visits there.

In my case, and, I imagine, most others, it began with the physical environment. Even before I moved into my home, I had a very clear vision of the character I intended to give to my space once I found one. It began in the kitchen, which was ultimately the first room to be fully put together; I clearly envisioned the fundamentals: there would always be a loaf of good bread, a few bottles of my favourite red wines, an assortment of my most important ingredients, and warm, vibrant colours throughout. Cooking is one of the most relaxing and thoroughly enjoyable activities of which I know, and the completion of the kitchen - a zen-like space for me - set the overall tone for the rest of the flat.

Even through the months in which the physical space was still a work in progress (which, in a way, I suppose it always will be), the other dimension of the home I was building - the interpersonal vibe of the place - had begun to establish itself. While the only other inhabitant is my cat of thirteen years, I intended my home to be not only mine (and the cat's, of course), but also that of my friends, family, and, eventually, of my significant other. As it phrased itself in my mind as I was developing my concept of the place, "people should know that, when they're at my place, they'll be well taken care of." My home was to be known by all who visited as a place that would always be possessed an inherent warm welcome and good scents coming from the kitchen.

Please help!!! I have sister in-laws and a mother in-law that find being a homemakers useless. I care for my parents and my husband, son, and daughter have been in and out of the hospital the last five years. I work really hard. My son is in college now but, may well need my help as he may need lung surgery again soon. I wish I had good comebacks or did not care but, I do and it hurts. My father had stage III colon cancer and has been in the hospital nine times since his diagnosis in 2004. I have been a teacher and my husband was in the military. He has a time consuming but, wonderful job now and he travels. My daughters are in middle school and high school. I homeschooled my three children for a number of years while we moved five times in five years. Please what do you say to defend yourself for caring for others? Could someone please encourage me?