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The Big Rocks
I was reading an article in the Old Schoolhouse magazine today (homeschooling magazine, fyi) about setting priorities for family and home. I was intrigued by it, so I thought I'd start a thread to help myself think through my priorities in life, and others can certainly join in if they wish. I'm sure many people have been through this exercise already and might have ideas and encouragement to share.
I tend to fly by the seat of my pants through life, but I would like to live in a more purposeful way. It's going to take me some time to find my way through this! I know there are many methods for doing this, but the interview referenced the visual aid (which has been frequently forwarded around the internet) of putting the big rocks in the jar before the smaller rocks and sand are sifted in. So, I just have to figure out what my "big rocks" should be. That's simple enough. Right?
Comments
Think about roles
I've thoroughly worked the 7 Habits and similar methods, so I am a fan of the "big rocks" concept. One idea I have consistently used is to identify the "roles" in my life and think about the most important things I need to do for those. My roles are Self (as in, just being a person alive on the Earth), Wife, Mother, Daughter, Friend, Writer, and Leader (you could also call this community member, but I drift toward leadership roles -- me and my big mouth!).
I find it helpful to think of priorities in terms of relationships like these. (I guess Writer is not really a relationship, more like part of Self, but I think of Self as mind-body-spirit and Writer more as personal vocation. Self is relationship to myself and to God.) Takes me out of the realm of "accomplishments" and more into the journey itself.
Shaun
Okay,
Using Shaun's advice, I'm thinking this through in terms of relationships. And of course, premier would be:
1. Daughter of God.
And my means of communication with Him, my prayer life, needs to grow. Even if everything else in my life were swept away, I could be sustained by Him. So, that's the biggest rock: talking and being with the Lord. As my role models, I would like to take David (as in, King of Israel), Brother Lawrence (Practicing the Presence of God) and Corrie Ten Boom. I'm going to re-read their devotional books (including the Psalms).
I haven't thought through the other relationships yet. Will report in later...
don't know who Brother Lawrence is
But I expect your kids will turn out better than King David's.
I'm interested to hear about what you come up with!
well....
I was more thinking your kids probably would not ask to marry one another in adulthood, nor try to kill you.
Well, what do you know?
There's an online, printable version of Brother Lawrence's book:
http://www.practicegodspresence.com/brotherlawrence/
How cool is that?
He was a monk who lived from 1610-1691, by the way and the book is a collection of conversations with him and letters he wrote about learning to walk in God's presence daily, in even the most mundane tasks.
2. Wife to DH
For some reason, I had a harder time thinking of "most important" as regards my dear hubby. I married a great guy. Our relationship is pretty simple; very good, but simple. Uncomplicated, I mean. It hasn't always been, though we had a strong start. We've had our troubled years and we're just coming out of recent difficulties but, largely because of changes he's made in his life for all of our sakes, our marriage is the best it has ever been.
So, what I have settled on is two-fold.
First, I want to pray for him regularly. I really haven't been doing that, and I'm ashamed to admit that. I do pray for him every so often, when I perceive he needs it, but I mean I'd like to intercede for him daily. Chiefly, for the kingdom of God to come in his life, esp. the peace and joy parts.
Second, I want to be as good to him as he has been to me lately. He has been very giving, attentive and kind. So, I need to grow in giving to him. Of course, in doing my little household duties, cooking dinner, washing his clothes, listening to his troubles, I do give to him. But I mean giving to him in his own love language, in a way that really builds him up.
So, the big rocks here are: intercede for DH and give to him in his love language.
The Want-to
I have to clarify (after thinking about this a little more this weekend) that these are all things I want, or want to want, if that makes any sense. The how-to will have to come in babysteps, I guess. I'm attempting to list things I want to give priority in my life. I'm going to have to cut down on some things to be able to grow in others and so far, I'm not too far along with this. Maybe once I get it all listed, I need to adopt one babystep for each arena. (Although Corrie's devotional book is wonderful; it's like having her as a personal mentor. It's pulled me out a couple of times this week, just remembering what she wrote.)
So, onward! I'm still thinking about the next relationship: Mom. That's a complex one, with so many kids and sub-roles it gets confusing.
How's it going?
Susannah -- I just found my own copy of the B. Lawrence book yesterday while fixing up the office. I'll have to look at it again.
How are you at determining DHs love language? You can write to me privately or start a new thread on this if you like. I feel I am not good at figuring out his *or* mine! But I am thinking that mine is "acts of service," and possibly his is "words," which is unfortunate. I am not big on "I love you" because in my experience anyone can say that -- in fact, you can say it and even mean it, and still be abusive and awful. And poor DH, he doesn't get why doing and not doing means so much to me.
The tricky thing I have found with roles is it is always easy for me to think of how the things I do fit the roles I have, but that doesn't mean I am doing the most important things for those roles. Kudos to you for giving it so much thought.
Shaun
"If you jump off the boat, you only rock it once"
I don't even have to think twice about DH
His is both words and physical affection. And mine is acts of service, like yours. I have a harder time putting my love into words (not sure, maybe shy?) and I'm not touchy-feely.
It's no wonder that spouses often have difficulty communicating, when we mean "I love you" by doing or saying certain things, but our spouse doesn't pick up on it, because it's not in his language. The thing is, my DH lately has been working on things around the home. This has always meant so much to me, and I really appreciate his caring about it. I feel cared for, when he takes care of our home. Add to that his ability to verbally express his affection (and his latest obsession with massage! LOL!) and you've got a happy wife!
my DH's is words
And mine is touch, so it's pretty easy. Basically every time I have the impulse to reach over and touch him, I say, "I love you," at the same time, and that's about right for him. I told him mine was touch and he's been much more diligent about patting me as he walks by or whatever.
I guess it's time I tackled "motherhood"
So much is encompassed in that one word! As a homeschooling mama, I spend all day with my kids, including their "formal education" time.
Here's one thing I know I want to be a "big rock." I want to grow into more of a learning lifestyle, as opposed to "let's sit down at the table and 'homeschool' now." I have no idea how to go about this, and I have a feeling it's something that will evolve over time, through prayer and divine guidance.
Another thing is to discover each child's individuality. I tend to think of them as "the kids" for practical reasons, but I want to know each one as an individual. Olivia, especially, is a tough nut to crack. She keeps her inner life very inner, if you know what I mean. Not that she's shy, but she doesn't express her feelings verbally. Anna Kate is just the opposite. Everything that pops into her head comes out her mouth. Sometimes it's quite eerie, hearing her inner workings! Each of them needs to know more of my approval and delight. Too often, all they hear is my disapproval when they do wrong.
1. Integrate "homeschooling" into a learning lifestyle.
2. Learn, appreciate, and approve the individuality of each child.
I'm sure there's more I could write here, but I'll have to give this more thought first.
One practical step I'd like to take is to acquire Chris and Ellyn's (of the Elijah Company) book "I Saw the Angel in the Marble." Maybe even their seminar tapes. Their vision of learning at home and helping each child narrow his or her focus appeals to me, and I might find inspiration there.
This helps me
I know this thread hasn't been added to for about a week, but I wanted to say it has helped me. I googled priorities and homemaker and this thread came up. While nothing you all have said is new, it has reminded me of the important things. I joined to say thanks.
Christa
Ha ha!
Yes, I thought about that, but I'm thinking the valiant side to David, not the murdering adulterous one.
Anyhow, he really knew how to repent, although he didn't escape the consequences.
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