I Can't Do It!
My DD5 is very easily frustrated. If something doesn't come easily to her, she freaks out and panics. Luckily, she most things come easily.
But not everything does, of course, and then she loses it. I have tried to model dealing with frustration and accepting mistakes for myself, because I know I am a perfectionist too.
I feel bad because I worry about her missing out on enjoying the things she's good at because once a little effort is involved she abandons ship.
Any ideas would be really helpful! We try hard not to pressure her or give her too much to do. We even try not to make a big deal out of what she does well so she doesn't feel the stakes are always really high, but I don't want to ignore some of the things that she is proud of.
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one idea
As I'm sure you know, sometimes writing teachers will have their students write a poem badly on purpose to help students with this problem. Maybe expanding on this concept and deliberately doing a number of things "badly" as an exercise could help.
This is just a suggestion...:)
When we began adoption process. We had classes for every syndrome, panic, fits, and everything else. One of the dear ladies, fostermom, that has been doing this for over 20 some years...the wisdom of this woman!
anyways...
I can't is not allowed in her house. Those words are not allowed to be spoken. The have to think of another way to word it, or ask for help. But I can't don't work. She had a ton. We use them and it's fun, keeps my stress down. Also helps the child ask for help. Which is sometimes harder than the actual task at hand.
Gimme's don't get. My kids absolute favorite. What a hoot to have a 5 year old tell a stanger when his/her kid is having a tantrum in Walmart.
"It's nice to be important, but it is more important to be nice."
AnneP.
oh, right!
I had a theatre prof with that rule. She was really strict but she got things out of us you'd never expect.
it's out the window
Thanks folks. I mentioned to DD last night that in some families there is a rule that "I can't" is not allowed, and we try to find a different way, like "This isn't working" or "I need help." She told me that in her Kindergarten classroom they threw the word "can't" out the window! God bless Kindergarten teachers.
So we also threw "can't" out the window, but she insisted on one exception. We get to say, "This is so good, I can't stand it!"
We'll see if that helps. I think during music practice we'll try a "play it really badly" and see if that goes over. Right now we sometimes have a "serious" run-through and a "silly" run-through of a piece. (She is really pretty good at piano after just a few months, so we walk a fine line between encouraging something she is good at and putting too much pressure on her as a 5-yr.-old.)
But any other thoughts on frustration still welcome!
Shaun
p.s. On the flip side I think she is self-conscious about being too far ahead of her peers. I have learned that she pretends she doesn't know how to read at school! Agh!
nothing is more frustrating than piano practice!
Now that is something I really CAN'T stand to do.
Is she breaking her pieces into little two-measure chunks to learn bit by bit?
My DD6
bursts into tears about every other math problem. It's just a habit, really, to cry before thinking. I just stay measured and keep steadily guiding her through the problems, and we get through it. She does the same thing with her reader when she doesn't want to "sound out" a word. She says "I can't" when she really can, she just doesn't want to bother. I just start sounding out for her or say, "What sound does this letter make?" and she quickly jumps on board.
I think I'll try to "throw can't out the window" and we can have the "no can't do" rule as one of our homeschool rules.
Right now, though, the level of whining, crying, and quarreling in my house makes *me* want to jump out the window some days!
I could deal with it one at a time, but when it's five in concert I'm outnumbered.
Boy does that sound familiar!
DS14 was exactly the same way. He would cry and/or scream when something wasn't up to his standards.
Skiing (age 5) was interesting. Everytime he fell, he had a fit. DH and I had to fall with him, over and over to show him that falling is a part of skiing. I would have him take some deep breaths when he was starting to feel frustrated, and he did mostly grow out of it by about age 10. I still have to convince him to try things today though. But once he gets over the initial fear of failure he is fine.
Remember too, that there is a good side to perfectionism, as long as they can learn to control the anxiety.
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