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Family help in decluttering
Hi all! I just discovered this site today, and wow! What a lot of really good information!
I love the articles about getting kids to learn how to pick up and so on. However, my situation is a little more complicated. I moved in with my boyfriend (Bill) and his 13 year old son (Morgan) in March. Morgan's mother left them when he was only a baby, so the two of them have been living as bachelors for about 12 years. And I love them.... but man are they slobs!! You would not believe how bad it is.
When I first moved in, we went through the house and got things somewhat better organized, but keeping it picked up is almost impossible because both of them are resisting any kind of maintenance, pick up or organization. Trying to teach Morgan to be a bit more civilized can be pretty frustrating - he's a stubborn little cuss! lol.
Any suggestions on how to get them on board with keeping the house looking a little better, not being such pack rats and being more open to being organized?
Valerie
Comments
You're not gonna like this
but really the only way is to keep showing them the way. Don't resort to nagging because it'll do the opposite, so be prepared to bite your tongue a lot. Get them used to living in a nicely cleared up place, tell them if you set up new 'homes' for things, but don't expect them to get it right.
Some things could have obvious consequences... like not getting the laundry in the hamper means no cleaned clothes. They'll get used to the simplicity of throwing it in the hamper and having you do it all at once compared to doing it themselves at the last minute.
Otherwise it's a long hard journey and no guarantee on results. If you haven't come across Flylady before now I suggest you take a look (www.flylady.net), but she'll be the first to agree that you can't force anyone to join in the cleaning and clearing. Maybe you could find ways to make it fun for the 13yr old, but... Definitely not easy.
On the bright side, your BF must be pretty special to have brought up his son on his own for so long, so maybe the rest doesn't matter quite so much...
Kerri.
one more thing
welcome to TNH Valerie! I get so caught up that I forget the social niceties sometimes!
Kerri.
depending on your budget
If you can afford someone to come in and clean now and then, at least you won't feel as though you are the one doing all the work.
Never Underestimate
...the power of praise! Thank them consistantly EVERY time they do a single thing towards keeping things picked-up, tell them how great they look when they've got on clean, unwrinkled clothes...etc. (The 13 yr.old will soon appreciate the insight that the girls are going to think better of him when he looks neat, too!) I bet your guys will respond well to feminine appreciation!
It only took a few times of me cooing in my husband's ear that his contributions around the house sure helped in the romance department to make him a devoted "housekeeper" too!
I agree with Kerri...patience is key! Also, be willing to "give" a little on your own standards in order to maintatin some family-fun time!
Welcome to TNH, Valerie!
Blessings,
Lenora
~"Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in an attractive and well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways, chocolate in one hand, martini in the other, body thoroughly used up, totally worn out and screaming ~WOO HOO! What a ride!
Thanks for the welcome and th
Thanks for the welcome and the advice, Kerri!
I think I knew that was really the way, but I keep hoping for something magic to come along. lol. The biggest problem is that since they lived like slobs all this time, it really doesn't bother them to wear dirty clothes (well, it doesn't bother Morgan at least), or step over piles of junk. lol.
Yes, he is pretty special. As I said, I do love them enough to put up with this mess. Bill and I have so many things in common, and in every way our relationship is great. The only little nit picky complaint I have is the clutter. So I can't complain too much. But I figure, I'll just keep trying and working towards the goal of having a clean house AND the perfect man for me! lol. Maybe I'll get there eventually. In the meantime, at least I have the perfect man, if not the clean house.
One encouraging sign, though, was when we went to visit my parents' house in Washington, Bill made a LOT of comments about how beautiful their house is, and how he wished he had a house like that. So, I'm hoping that as I work to get this place in shape, decorated and looking good, he will be more and more motivated to help keep it looking that way.
Anyway, thanks again and I'll definitely be hanging out and using all the great tips on this site!
Yeah, that's a major goal of
Yeah, that's a major goal of mine. Right at the moment, it's not in the budget. But we are working towards it. That would make me very happy! lol.
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