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Falling apart
My home is suffering badly. It needs a good cleaning. It needs me to actually keep up with Flylady. It needs me not to be on the computer so much. 
It needs me home.
No, social services aren't knocking on the door. It's sanitary, just too cluttered. Too many toys that don't get put away, too many socks on the living room floor (and none of them are mine, seeing how I always have shoes on until a crawl into bed.
I need to get DS2 on a schedule. He won't go to bed until midnight, and then only when we are laying down with him. I've started a bad habit that is too hard to break, letting him fall asleep with us in our bed. I hate that. But I'm too tired and lazy to put him in his bed. Maybe when this semester is over.
I haven't taught Ch'ree to read yet. Shelby was such a great reader when she started Kindergarten. Now here we are 8 weeks into the school year and she's not where Shelby was. I've been lazy.
Just feeling tired and overwelmed today. I have a test in all 5 of my classes and 1 paper to do within the next 7 days. Mid terms already! And a busy weekend ahead of other activities.
And now Chance wants a book. Must go. Needed to vent using incomplete sentences. LOL
Comments
Support, and a little gentle chiding ...
Hang in there. You're too hard on yourself. You don't have to be perfect all the time.
Ch'ree will pick up reading in no time. You've already laid the groundwork.
I know that you disagree with co-sleeping and Dr. Sears' philosophies, but your current method of getting Chance to go to sleep is not such a bad thing. You have to pick your battles. We fell into co-sleeping with our son when we were in the middle of a transition - namely, moving back to the USA from Italy, settling in to a new Army Post. The bottom line is that it worked out best for everyone. Any other arrangement would have been futile. It got us through the rough patches. William hasn't had any sleep issues for a very long time. As a toddler, he didn't even get cranky when he was tired. He just went to sleep wherever, whenever, and I believe it's because sleeping/bedtime wasn't a battle that we chose to fight.
If I recall correctly, your favorite movie is "Steel Magnolias". That's how I envision you - as a Steel Magnolia. Steel is forged through heat and pressure, and that is the purpose of this time in your life. If you didn't apply the pressure on yourself to get your degree, you probably wouldn't have come to the realization that you truly wanted to stay at home indefinitely. Hang in there. You'll all come out stronger in the end.
Love you more than my luggage,
Rose
Rose, that was beautiful!!
Jenny the steel magnolia!
You know you'll get it together in no time, you always do, in the meantime go easy on yourself you've got alot on your plate right now 
What they said!
Chance is still young... you wouldn't expect anyone to be all together with a child that age, so don't expect it of yourself. Ch'ree will pick up reading when she's good and ready. Maybe she won't be ready as early as Shelby was - don't try taking the blame for something that isn't in your control. Read to all the kids at the same time, or get Shelby to read to Ch'ree while you read to Chance or the other way round. Don't try to do everything.
Have you talked to anyone about dropping the extra classes now you know you don't want to use them? Is there any way to get some money back on them and preserve your sanity instead of forcing yourself to complete the courses and going slowly mental?!?
Take a deep breath, read over your own post and see how you can lower your expectations. You have three young children for goodness sakes... why wouldn't there be toys all over!?!
Kerri.
Thanks!
Ya'll are great!
Kerri, No, I'm going to finish the semester. Part of my financial aid agreement, I can't drop anything. That's ok, I'm still going to work on my degree, just very slowly over many years. I think it's still important to have, just in case the unthinkable happens. Next semester, I will probably still take a class or two. Just not 5! LOL!
And your right. Ch'ree will learn. She shocked me yesterday when she said, "I know how to spell yellow. y-e-l-l-o-w." So she is learning more than I know, or more than I have been able to pay attention too. And she can work a remote and read the guide on the TV, because she is always scheduling shows to come on (usually right when I'm watching something else!).
Yes, I love Steele Magnolias! Not sure which one I am, a combo of all of them, I guess. Speaking of Steele Magnolias, I got a book a couple months ago called "Guide to being a GRITs (Girl Raised In the South)". Very funny, very true. A must read for any Southern gal (Jamie Lea, Susannah, Vonnie).
It took an hour, but I did get Chance to sleep in his bed last night. I ended up falling asleep in his bed with him (no more crib, he's in a big boy bed now! It's the bottom half of some bunkbeds, I don't have the top on it yet). It's progress. He is such a bed hog in our bed, always gets sideways. If I just stay consistent, he will get the idea.
It's a new day! A clean slate! And time to get busy on it!
Hard days...
...they hit us all at some point Jenny, and it feels like there's no end in sight and we can't figure out how to make things better, we feel like the worst of mothers becase we haven't been doing all tose nice or educational things with our kids, just telling them to pick up their things all the time...
I'm glad you've managed to spot a faint pinprick of light. I'm not against the idea of learning just for learning's sake, so I can understand you wantng to get your degree. I take it you can't even push classes back to another year either... Shame, but once you've gotten some perspective you'll find a way to make it all fit. You know what really made the difference with my son's reading ability... a Garfield book. I moved it onto their shelves and he picked it up, and it wasn't enough to just look at the pictures after a while, so he forced himself to read the words too. He's been galloping ahead since then. When they're ready they're ready, and that's all there is to it. Reading the TV Guide or whatever's useful to her will be what sparks Ch'ree off. So let that one go. You don't need to look for things to beat yourself up about!
oh, the other thing was playing the computer on his own. He had to work out which of the kids' bookmarks led him to the site he wanted, and he had to figure out how to get to the games or activities he wanted. If the need isn't there, or the urge isn't there it would never come, but it will because something will push them over the edge into needing, and understanding the value of being able to read themselves. My son also loves reading menus!
seeing you learn will help them too... you'll be teaching them the importance of lifelong learning, without actually having to say a word about it to them. Kids always learn by mimicry better than by being told. My kids watch me read all day if I get chance!
Know that you're a great Mom... you love your kids to bits and that's the most important thing they could possibly have from you. That and you being around of course.
Kerri.
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