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Why is Everyone I Know Coming Apart at the Seams?
When my mother began to die, I became more observant of everyone else's frailties, in the most corporal sense. But my new sensitivity has been overtaken by actual events, in which people close to me are breaking down, expiring, and cracking their lips faster than i can even take it in. I know that when you reach your senior years, you become accustomed to friends dying. And AIDS made a younger generation an example of that in the 80s. But I wasn't prepared for something else that's happening in middle age, which is that a lot of my friends are getting their ticket punched, and it's not pretty.
We have a friend recuperating at our house, because he got drunk, fell in a ditch and broke his shoulder over the weekend. Now you may think, "what a fool," ( and that's exactly what he's thinking) but the guy is a father of two, and has been teh sole support of his family for a decade and is dearly loved by his wife and family. What happened? His family went out of town for two days and he lost his mind.
This evening I get an email from a colleague who says that a mutual friend of ours unexpectedly died three days ago-- she's only ten years older than me.
My sewing teacher broke her foot by simple falling off her clogs. Another friends migraines have cost her her job. My partner's grandma is dying, my dad is scheduled for spine surgery, and and and and and
I remember a Raggedy Ann doll my mom made for me when I was in first grade. The black button eyes were never securely tied on, and they always threatened to completely fall off. They hung on, by yes, a thread. And lately I've been feeling like all the people over 40 in my life are similiarly ill-sewn.
I have lots of political analysis about why various public health crises are unfolding. that isnt' where I feel the strain. i just simply feel OVERWHELMED, like I'm going to stop dead in my tracks and the last thing they'll say about me, is "catatonic." And I feel so impatient with minutia, bureacracy, rules for the sake of rules, boredom, indifference. Yes, i flip between catatonia and "i'm-gonna-have-to-slap-somebody" outrage. I know I'm not unique, but does anyone else possess a wiser mind, a more capable brain to process these disintegrations?
Comments
Wiser mind? No.
All I can say is, this too shall pass. Or at least not cluster so much. Life gets clumpy sometimes, and you appear to be in a clump right now. If you need to go catatonic for a bit, do so. Whatever you can simplify or cut out of your life, do it. If all you can do is get up in the morning, and this is paraphrased from Ariel Gore, then do that. Get a housekeeper, stare out of the window more, take naps, drink more tea and less coffee. Cry.
Me, I spin--like, make yarn. I read old craft magazines and dream about projects I'll never make. I stop reading and talking about politics for a bit--today I was feeling really stressed, for instance, and politics was literally making me sick so I closed the computer and told my online sparring partners that I was taking a short vacation. I eat more protein and fat, and fewer carbs. I throw stuff out/freecycle it. I take the girls for walks around the block. I drink jasmine tea. I take Rescue Remedy. I find some girlfriends and laugh a lot. It helps, but when I'm in periods like this it never entirely goes away.
And writing always helps. Just come here and dump.
Lynn Siprelle, Editor
Right again Lynn
It does seem to come in clumps at times, doesn't it. Until you feel like you really want to scream and throw things (or people!), or just sleep for a few weeks...
be gentle with yourself for a while - it can be contagious if you don't look after yourself, all this falling apart. Looking after everyone else is always very wearing on the soul, so don't forget that in order to look after others you need to take the time (force the time, somehow!) to do what makes you relax or smile or laugh out loud. Blow bubbles or do some colouring (it's very therapeutic - like Lynn and the yarn, only easier!)... check out something by Jennifer Louden or re-read Simple Abundance (hasn't everyone read it at least once!?!), anything to remind yourself how to stay sane in troubled times.
Coming here to release is a great start...
Kerri.
Scarlett O'Hara Mode
...is my favorite coping mechanism! "I won't think about that today. I'll think about that tomorrow. After all, tomorrow is another day!"
Life is so very overwhelming...always. Cultivating the ability to partition your thoughts..."box" up that which does not need immediate attention, is a necessary skill! Popular culture calls it being "in the moment." Enjoy/accomplish whatever is right in front of you at any given moment and work at keeping everything else "out-of-mind."
Women, especially, seem programed to multi-task (and this includes the concerns which burden our thoughts and hearts), and when I share here, it looks as if I have a million things going at once...but I'm devoted to doing/thinking about only what is "next." I also include a good bit of self-care as my "next" task on most days, too.
Take care of your self, first: body-mind-and-spirit. It may go "against your grain," but it is imperative!
Blessings,
Lenora
There's more to life than meets the eye.
I'm sorry to hear about your mother, quesie.
It's too painfully obvious as we get older that we simply don't last forever, corporeally speaking. My mother's knees were worn away and replaced (thanks to modern medicine) by the age of 60. Mine may be going the same route. You can't stop physical laws from acting upon fragile flesh and bone.
What comforts me is knowing that our everyday, five-senses, material existence is only part of the grand story. While our agonies and pains (both spiritual and physical) are overwhelming at times, nothing can compare with "the weight of glory." Nothing can separate us...
Fill in the blank, since I'm not allowed to get overly spiritual here.
And meanwhile, personally, I would cry on somebody's shoulder (as I frequently do when overwhelmed by life). Crying is good for the soul, too, and underrated. I recently got in my car by myself, drove off, and *wailed* at the top of my lungs. I highly recommend the practice. It's even better to cry with someone hugging you.
((((Hugs)))))
that simple but true saying of one foot
it's wierd how we keep going through it all. that old saying one foot in front of the other. It helps everything from a drunk to walk home to metaphorically keep us alive and going for the other loved ones in our lives and for ourselves as well. I've had times in my life where it all seems to happen at once then I coasted awhile between those. Maybe you can hope that's the case right now? That you sure did earn some coasting time coming up.
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