Why? Why? Why? Why? Why?
Help! I think Danika is going to kill me with whys. I don't mind answering her questions, but it's the asking me questions I can't answer or asking the same question over and over again that makes me bonkers.
For example: (Today while driving home from the store)
"Why did Amala sleep in my bed?"
"She was tired and needed her nap.
"Why was she tired?"
"Because babies get tired when they haven't slept all day."
"Why did she need a nap?"
"Because babies need to take naps so they can grow and be healthy. Just like little girls need naps to grow and be healthy."
"Why do I need to grow and be healthy?"
"So that you can play and have fun."
"Do cars take naps?"
"No."
"Why don't cars take naps?"
"Because cars aren't alive. Only things that are alive take naps."
"Why aren't cars alive?"
"Because cars are machines."
"Why are cars machines?"
"Because they aren't made of the same things that animals and plants are."
"Why aren't they made of the same things animals and plants are?"
[Good grief. I don't know why!] "Because they just aren't."
"Why are the just aren't?"
"Because they are made of machine things."
"Why are they made of machine things?"
"Because they are machines."
"Why are they machines?"
"Because they just are."
Seriously. We had this conversation. Other examples of questions I can't answer:
"But WHY is that a light pole?" [After I have already explained that it is a pole with a light on it so that we can see in the dark.]
"Why does the fan go around and around?" [After I have already explained that the motor moves the fan so that they fan moves the air so that we stay cool.]
"Why is Georgia a kitty cat?" [After I have already told her about the differences between our cats and our dogs and described whiskers and tails and claws and that we like kitties, etc.]
I don't mind answering a thousand questions, really, but I hate it when she asks me a question I don't know how to answer because she is never satisfied with the answer and repeats the question until I have to tell her not to ask me any more. I don't like doing that because I don't like stifling her curiousity. I just don't seem to know how to explain things in a way she can understand or how to answer what she's really asking. I'm almost afraid to talk to her anymore because the whole thousand-questions-I-can't-answer game starts almost every time we have a conversation!
Help!
(Danika's 28 months old, btw.)
Danna
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Can you turn it around?
What if you asked her, "why do you think .. xyz?"
This phase will pass .. and before you know it, she'll be a teenager who can't be bothered to speak to her Mother.
Rose
There is nothing wrong with s
There is nothing wrong with saying "I don't know" if you don't. You can look things up at the library with her.
HaHa!
Oh my...we're just putting these days behind us at my house (DS is 3.5 years old). This probably isn't the "nicest" strategy, but after "Why?" number 3 or 4, I would just say "I don't know....", letting my voice trail off. I would then change the subject, or just ignore the subsequent barrage of questions. After a while, he would just give up.
BTW, we can have quite lovely conversations now
oh yeah, another strategy
I don't know if this is appropriate child-rearing, but I used it with my pre-K classes when I taught them-- to the question, "why aren't machines made of the same things animals and plants are," I would say something a little over their heads like, "Because live things have to be made out of something called carbon, even though carbon isn't alive all by itself, and machines don't have to be carbon-based. But machines can run on fuel made of carbon, like gas, and live things can have machines put in them like if a person has a heart problem." It was actually pretty amazing how well the kids would get the gist of a long explanation like that, but it took them a while to figure it all out, which caused them to be quiet while they thought about it.
Which is how
the phrase, "because I said so" came into being! Sometimes answering a long string of senseless 'whys' can create a situation which is close to answering back, so there does occasionally come a point when parental feet get put down and the discussion is firmly ended!
this is especially the case when the why turns into a whining "but why??"
DS5 1/2 is still goin on endless chatter and whys, which means that DDnearly8 talks a lot less (though she still tends to take over when DS dozes off or isn't around!). They do grow out of it to some extent, but the hard part is to keep your sanity while they're growing!
plenty of sympathy from me, for sure.
Kerri.
Thanks everyone! It helps jus
Thanks everyone! It helps just to have people commiserate! Funny, but I actually considered telling Danika that machines aren't alive because they aren't carbon-based! (I didn't, though ... maybe next time I will!) Asking Danika what she thinks usually works if she actually knows the answer to the question, but her stock response to a questions she can't answer is "yes!"
Danna =]
I don't know
I have also used the "I don't know" method to great effect. When I just had one kid asking me all those whys, I used to try to answer all of them like you're doing with Danika, but when it got so that I had three of them all wanting to know things like that, I couldn't take it sometimes. Especially because they seem to always do that to me when I am in the middle of driving in difficult traffic or something like that. So eventually it got so that I answered the question if I could and I said "I don't know" if it was too complicated for me. And when I say that, they generally stop. The truth is, sometimes I don't know the answer or sometimes I kind of know but I don't know how to explain it. I feel like it's fine to tell them that. Sometimes I say, "I don't know how to explain that" rather than just "I don't know." It's honest, but it doesn't generally lead to another question. Sometimes I also refer them to Daddy, as in "You'll have to ask Daddy that when he gets home." Some things he just knows more about.
Just remember, she will grow out of this. I'm not sure when since my 7 year old still does this occasionally, but I'm sure they outgrow it someday and at least she doesn't do it nearly as often as she used to
Lauralyn
Oh Boy.
Did my first daughter ever do this. The problem was, her questions were too nonsensical to answer properly. I would say, "I don't understand the question." That's not exactly fair, I guess, because how well can a 3-4 year-old articulate what they want to know? But it was the truth.
Great insight into why childr
Great insight into why children ask why, LotH! I'll try to remember that and be more charitable to Danika next time (which should be coming up any second now!)
Danna =]
My take on "The WHY Gambit"...
My niece was doing this when she was about three, asking "Why" when there really was no answer. She'd take a statement of yours that "just was"---there were no why's about it, it was just the truth--and grill you to death about it:
"Why is blue your favorite color?"
"Because I like it best."
"Why do you like it best?"
"That's not really a question, dear, it just is."
"Why is it just is?"
"That's not a question I can answer, dear. Eat your lunch."
"But, why can't you answer it?"
and so on.
A friend of mine who was studying early childhood development for her teaching major said that ususally kids are doing that not because they actually want to know "why" but because the want the attention.
I, personally, have decided that they do it because they want to have a conversaion with you and the Why/Because is one of the first conversation gambits they grasp. Unfortunatly, it's often over fairly quickly, so they just keep at it, not because you haven't answered the question to their satisfaction, but because their craving for a back and forth conversation with you hasn't been satisfied and they do not yet posses sophisticated enough conversational skills to keep a conversation going any other way. Which is charming that your child wants to talk to you, I think. It also explains to me how they grow out of it. As their verbal and conversational skills improve, they no longer need to use The Why Gambit because they can then keep a conversation going other more appropriate ways.
You'll notice when they actually want the information and you provide it, that's usually it, maybe one or two follow up questions. Their curiosity is satisfied for the time being with simple answers, because they wanted the information, not necessarily a long conversation.
A four year old:
"Daddy, where did I come from?"
"Mommy's tummy."
"OK"
And that's that, until they developmentally get to the stage to then wonder, how did I get in mommy's tummy?, usually around seven or eight. I like this because it kind of warns you to start getting ready for the harder questions, later!
I stopped my neice's why's very simply. The next time SHE made a statement that "just was", I asked her, "Why?" She got an embarassed look on her face, as though she were thinking, "Uh-oh, they're on to me!" And from that moment on the insensible why's stopped. Can't promise that'll work for anyone else, but it worked for us.
______
May The Hair On Your Toes Never Fall Out
--Traditional Hobbit Blessing
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