Who Am I?

if you do everything for yourself you are accused of being selfish...if you do nothing for yourself you are a doormat

so I think that there has to be a middle ground

actually I tend to be a bit selfish myself,,things like the channel and food are my choices,,kind of when we do things and how

I think that in a way I am doing SOME good for my DDs because I am showing them [not on purpose] that when they are older to think of themselves,,they will not have to go on Oprah and tell how they don't know how to say no. Yes, they do get many many choices of their own but I do try to let them know that your decisions are based on YOU AND someone else.

some people might say I am a bit B****Y because I majorly stand up for myself,,,BUTTT on the same hand I have been told many many times that I am very friendly and nice and well liked[ok im done ] I do think I make decisions for ME and for OTHERS

middle ground...a happy place for all

No, just kiddin'.

Really, I am a passive sort who is happy to be around more opinionated others who don't mind making decisions for me. Sometimes this has caused problems, such as in my marriage, when I don't listen to and speak my reservations upfront like I should. Or in my parenting, when I'd rather not say "no," to avoid an upset. I've learned to be more assertive over the years, though. Most times, it's a pleasant way to be, since I usually don't have an opinion one way or the other. Mexican's just as good as Chinese or Italian to me! Somebody just decide and I'll enjoy going with the flow! Let somebody else pick the movie, the ice cream flavor, etc.

I like to think I could live anywhere happily as long as DH was confident and happy about the move. It's a little more painful for me to pull up roots now that I have children, though. It'd be hard to move to the west coast leaving our mothers on the east coast, for instance. Obviously, we wouldn't make a decision like that without coming to agreement. But I could gladly do it if I saw it was the Lord leading us.

I've always been able to speak up and say what I want. The problem is that what I want (and essentially who I am) has always been so directed by the influence of others. So now, when I'm completely free to do/be/have what I want--I'm not sure I can identify it! Or at least I'm not sure I can swear with complete certainty that it's not associated with someone else.

I have done some thinking earlier today, though. I may be on to something...

I kinda started in on this when I was flat on my back last year and much more free to think. I've identified a few things which are me, but I don't think it's something you can do overnight. You can't ever dismiss everyone else's influences on you, because nobody lives in a vacuum. Those influences go to make up who you are, and that's not a bad thing, but you need to be able to spot the difference between things that you enjoy or that really mean something to you, and things that only mean something to you because of that other person.

There are lots of books around for helping wih just this problem, but finding ones which help *you* takes a fair bit of work. I've found that Simple Abundance is good because it helps you to look back and find out more about yourself, finding out what's really important. Exercises like looking at what you enjoyed as a child are good, as are things like picking out a few jobs you'd really like to do if you had a choice of anything. Another book I liked was the one by Julia Cameron... ummm... The Artist's Way I think. Lots of exercises in that one to help you figure out what's real and what isn't.

Just don't try and do away with everything. Anyway, we quite like the bits of you we've gotten to know so far, so there must be something good in there!

Kerri.

I'm thinking on this, a bit, Julie. I'll "share" on Wednesday!

Love,
Lenora

you are exactly right all over the place today! You nailed just what I was trying to say. That's good advice--what I enjoyed as a kid, etc. Lenora said some things on another thread about making choices, too. I think I need to make a smorgasbord of everyone's thoughts.