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It's Getting Easier Every Day
We've been home a little over seven months with our daughter. She was adopted from Russia at age 3 1/2. She turned 4 in December.
The first few weeks I thought I was going to lose my mind! Part of it being my not being used to having a little human being who stalked me 24/7. The other part being the fact that we had no routine anymore.
Fast forward to today & wow have things changed. We ignored the advice to keep her shut away from many people and not go anywhere that wasn't totally necessary (doctor). She is such a social child that she couldn't have stood that anyway. So, we took her everywhere just as we always went. She fits in soooo well with our families and our friends. We can take her to restaurants & she sits like a little adult and eats! And, on that subject, she LOVES to eat (just like her Mama! 
).
We put her in 2 day a week preschool in November and again, she LOVES it! Loves the kids, loves the activities, just thrives on it. This summer, my Mom wants to take a break from keeping her & only keep her one day a week. So, I'm enrolling her in another program (current one doesn't do summer school - ugh!) and letting her go 3 days a week. Then, in the fall, she'll continue 3 days a week, possibly at the summer program school as I think I may like it even better.
We've not been very strict on her and she gets away with a lot more than she should. We have to try different kinds of consequences with her, as certain things just don't work on this kid! Since she loves to swim at our community center's indoor pool, that is a big incentive to behave. She knows she loses that priviledge if she misbehaves or disobeys. Time out works SOME of the time with her.
The other couple who adopted two children (siblings) while we were there are much different with theirs. We've stayed friends, but we probably have more differences than similarities with them. They are VERY stern and strict with their kids. They kept them isolated for about 6 months. It's a little sad to me because I think that the kids are still trying to make sure they love them because they are so militaristic in their discipline tactics.
We have gotten on a routine here now. Our daughter knows that after lunch she will lay down for a nap. And if she doesn't cry or fuss about it, she will get a special snack when she wakes up. We are now able to put her in her bed at bedtime and she will also go to sleep without incident anymore. She is daytime potty trained (still about 4 wet NIGHTS a week, but that's ok) which has made it much, much easier for us all. She is a wonderful eater & will try anything. Now, she'll tell you if she doesn't like it, but at least she will try it. And weeks later, she'll try something she didn't like again, just to see if her taste or it's taste has changed!
I follow Flylady and participate on the thread here. Since we've gotten a sort-of routine established, I am concentrating on my flylady routines now. I'm posting less because I tend to stay on the computer too long. I have a one page flychart for my week with zones, etc. listed and I am perfecting that right now. I'll have to change it this summer, but at least if I'm in a routine, it will be easy to just transition over.
Long enough. I can talk [type] for ages.
Comments
Need Advice
You sound so happy! My husband and I decided that if we ever where going to have more kids in the house we would adopt a girl from china. If we see a chinese orphanage story or chinese little girls on tv we say there is our daughter!
We've always let our kids sleep in our bed with us if they want to. DS'S 13-10-8 are happy in their beds. But DD4 is a whole other story. She is in our bed every night. She sleeps like a tumbleweed. Constantly moving and waking us up. It's driving us crazy. The hardest part of putting her in her own bed (in her own room) is that she cries that she is scared of the dark so we leave light on. We can see into her room from our bed. And she is a real night owl so half the time i have to get up at 6 husband has to get up at 4:30am so we let her come in our bed so we dont have to fight with her.
Any advice you have would be appreciated!
Ameeqt
What Worked For Us
DD slept in our bed once she came home. With all of the adjustments she was making, this helped her and it helped us as well. She was [and still is, to a lesser degree] figuring out that we were her parents & we were not going anywhere, including while she was asleep. Next, we progressed to putting her in her own bed once she was asleep. Then, putting her in her own bed but letting her get in ours during the early morning hours if she needed to. Now, we're at the point that she goes to bed in her own bed and stays there until morning. Of course, sometimes she's up and at 'em at 5:30 a.m.!
I really believe that you just have to let the child work into it. Maybe I'm wrong on this -- you more experienced mothers correct me here! We have a routine every night of bathtime, changing into jammies, kisses to everyone, bedtime prayers and then tuck-in. Tuck-in includes reassurances to her that we love her and that we're not going anywhere. We'll be here when she wakes up, when she goes to bed tomorrow night, etc. etc.
Don't know if that helps any. Just our limited experience.
it does help
I dont remember my boys being this difficult. And we do try to do the routine. I will admit though with her 3 older brothers and the dogs jumping up and down on the beds trying to decide who's bed they are going to sleep in doesnt make it a quiet routine.
You reminded me how to start. I had forgotten everything!!!And we do put her in her own bed she lasts until about 2 am. We'll keep trying.
Thank You!
Amee
In my humble opinion...
Time out is only truly effective when used because the child has "lost it" and needs to calm down. DH doesn't agree and does it when DD is disobeying. From what I can observe from that, it doesn't work well as a deterrent or a punishment, it just makes her very sad or angry.
For humane discipline/correction, I recommend Dr. Gray's "Children Are From Heaven." (Don't worry about the title, it's NOT about biblical child raising, it's secular.) In it he explains, very clearly, that children are not motivated by fear of punishment. They are motivated by positive parenting and the natural, healthy desire to please their parents. Then he explains HOW to do it, which is always nice.
In my experience, very strict parent raise passive/aggressive or passive/defiant children who then have problems with authority figures for the rest of their lives. I applaud your taking another road.
There's also some great information out there with Non-Violent Language and parenting, too. I'm just getting into that, but it also treats the children with dignity and respect, which strict parenting, again, IMHO, does not.
It sounds like you and your little girl are very happy. That's wonderful. You've made the world a better place by giving a child a happy home. I applauding you.
______
May The Hair On Your Toes Never Fall Out
--Traditional Hobbit Blessing
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