So, I have a 2 year old son, coming up on 2 and 1/2. He is a cutie. Really. People, strangers, comment to me all the time about how cute he is and what a flirt he is and isn't he so adorable...(Hey, I know many of you get the same comments, but I like to think he is exceptional!)
Anyway, the first question, after his name, is always "How old is he?" and immedietly following my answer of "2" comes the next one...every single time. "So, when are ya gonna have another one?"
Now maybe for someone who gets pregnant just by rolling over in bed and giving her husband a hug, this is not a loaded question. Maybe, for them, it is as benign as "How old is he?" For me, however, it is a different story.
It just seems so odd that a stranger would ask this. I guess because the truthful answer is so obviously innapropriate ("We're ----ing as fast as we can, for cryin' out loud...")Obviously, that potty talk will not do at the post office, or anywhere really when I have a two year old in tow who seems to not have much interest in talking except when it suits him.
But hey, these are strangers. They are just making conversation, just being polite...they don't know all the emotions that go with miscarriages and infertility...well, if they do then God Bless them because I wish they didn't. In any case, I can forgive this. "We're working on it" I tell them.
What really gets me is my family. They know. They know what the past year and a half has been like. Both my MIL and my mom saw me after my miscarriage, saw how upset I was as my due date came and went and still no pregnancy, saw how hard it was for me to hold my girlfriends babies as they were born right around that time last spring. They hear the despair in my voice each and every month as hope comes and goes.
So, I guess my question is why do they (my family) continue to make comments that are either just uncomfortable or, worse, rude?
Want examples? Ok...The othe night my MIL was over for dinner when my two year old decided that since he had an audience he was going to go all out and revel in his two-year-oldness. He tried to throw his fork, put his feet on the table, drop food in his glass...all things he does not usually get away with...but lets see what grandma will say if mom gets mad at me if I do THIS...
So my MIL turns to me and says "You know, the only reason he is like this is because he does not have a little brother or sister." Beat...beat...beat..Eyesbrows furrowed disapprovingly.
How do you answer that? Not only am I failing to get pregnant and give her a grandchild, but now I am failing to give my son a sibling so he can develop properly. "Thanks for the guilt, could you pass the potatoes?" I wish I would have thought of that. Instead, I just say "We'r working on it".
Not that my mom is much better.
"So, you need to order the bridesmaids dress for your sister's wedding pretty soon."
"I know mom."
"Are you going to need to get the maternity dress?"
"I don't know mom...I'm trying to wait as long as possible before I have to make that decision...you never know what the next month will bring."
"Well, do you know when you are ovulating? You know during that window you shoud..."
She kept going but I had to stop listening. All I could think of was "EWW!" Maybe some people have the kind of relationship with thier mom that they can discuss their sex life in detail, but I do not. I really do not. I know she cares about me more that anything, and all such inquires and advice are given with love for me...but EWWW.
"Do you want to know if we are doing it today? Do you want me to hang up and do it and call you back? We've been at it like rabbits for three days in a row now and quite frankly I would just as soon have sex today as smack my head with a hammer but if you really want me too, OK...This one's for you mom!" That is what I thought in my head...that is what I would have said to one of my girlfriends. To my mom I simply said the same thing that I say to my MIL and strangers at the post office.
We're working on it.
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