Growing up I was sure I had it all figured out. I would graduate college, get a career, get married, buy a house, have kids, and either win the Pullitzer Prize or become an astronaut. That's not too much to ask, right? Wasn't I being told all over the place that I could "have it all"? I was going to have a family and a career and wear fabulous clothing! I was not going to be one of those women who simply stayed at home with their kids...that would never be enough for me!
WHO KNEW? Just this last weekend it came right down to it. I had to make a choice. My two years of child care leave of absence were over. I had to either RESIGN or go back to work in the fall. No more "I'm a teacher on leave to stay at home with my son" nambi-pambi half-ass answer to the question "What do you do?". No more comfortable uncertainty when it came time to fill out a form and check in the little box under Ocuupation, where I knew that Homemaker did not quite fit ("But I'm just on leave!" I would tell my husband). I had to make a final choice...jump head first into full time career-woman motherhood or full time homemaking motherhood.
WHO KNEW? Well, I certainly didn't. I did not really see this coming. There have been many days (many, many, many days) that I have been nostalgic for a good old fashioned rainy/Halloween/Friday/oh God the power went out/lunch is an hour away and I really have to pee kind of day in the third grade. Many times I have questioned my own sanity as I realize that the only conversation I have had today are with my young son and my dog, and quite frankly the dog seems to be closer to actually answering me. Many mornings playing at the park were spent daydreaming about that fabulous and kid free trip to Sandals Jamiaca that we would be able to afford when I went back to work (you know the room...the one that has has your own private swimming pool that comes right up to steps leading into the master bedroom of your honeymoon type suite? Yeah baby!) There have been many afternoons when I would have gladly and greatfully traded my screaming child, messy house, burning dinner and late husband in for a chance to escape it all by going back to work and trying to explain long division to a bunch of kids who seemed to have forgotten how to add since yesterday.
WHO KNEW? I guess my husband did. As I sat re-reading the letter that outlined my options, I sighed and looked up at him. "What do you think?" I asked.
"You should do whatever is going to make you happy" He answered. (Good Husband)
I looked over at my son, playing trains (what is it about two year old boys and trains, for Pete's sake?...That's a topic for a whole other post). I looked around my house, at it's (relative) cleanliness and the numerous projects I was finally able to get to over the past few years that are starting to really turn it into a home. I thought about my husband, and how much he loves spending his evenings and weekends with us, how much I have loved watching him become the Father he is, and how if I went back to work our weekends and family time would start to be eaten up by the endless list of chores and worries that we would have to do during that time.
"I want to stay home" I told him. "I like our life. I want to keep it. I choose to stay home and take care of our son and our house and our family."
My husband smiled.
Technorati Tags: A New You
)
It was nice reading your post!
