Anyone else caregiving at present?

I'm caregiving right now, also. I was at the same place you are and pregnant. Then I went on bedrest. Things went downhill after that and my MIL ended up moving in with us, so her sons wouldn't overdose her and steal her morphine. Lovely huh? So now she's with us, on hopsice and it is the slowest downhill slope ever. Not that I want her to die, not at all. But she's isn't really living right now anyways. She just exists. I take care of her and because she's so fragile she can't be left alone, so I miss all of my childrens' school activities and I have to very carefully schedule my outings, bank, shopping, and whatnot for when the one and only voulentter can come sit. Oh and don't let the baby get sick and need to go to the doctor on last minute notice. It's like everyone suddenly has something more important to do than come sit in a chair and make sure she doesn't fall when she goes to the bathroom. I don't know homw much longer I can do this. She could live in this active dying state for literally years. Fern I been there and I feel for you. I hope you can catch a break soon.

Wow, sounds like you all have a lot on your plate! I'm not personally in your position, but I used to be a CNA for elderly people, and before that I cleaned for the elderly and disabled. Have you considered hiring a CNA to come in every now and then? I don't know what you're money situation is like, but a cheaper alternative is that you could call up to the high school. Talk to a guidance counselor and ask for a responsible teenager, who'd like to make a little extra money. Have him/her come over just once and help. Watch and see how they do, and make sure that your mother/father likes them. If they do well, you can arrange for them to come regularily, or just have another person to call in emergancy. If they don't work out, call the counselor again, next time, and ask for someone else. It would seem to me that you wouldn't have to pay a teenager that much to help out, and if you don't get a break you're gonna make yourself sick. Anyway, good luck.

Sweetpiv, it always helps just knowing someone else knows the feeling. I well remember what it was like caregiving for my inlaws beginning when my kids were only 2 and 4. It takes a major juggling act to keep up with the needs of our elderly and do what is right by our children also. It's a little easier on me this time around since my Dad is in his own home still.

Are you not able to get sitters through hospice to come at least for a portion of the day to sit with your MIL? I'm not sure exactly how the hospice program works or if each state is different or not. Sounds like you've certainly got your hands full at the moment.

Thanks for the support. The hospice really isn't that great here but the idea to have a teen sit is a good one. I'll have to look into that. The woman who comes and sits is so wonderful and she always brings treats with her but she's spread so thin that it's hard to pin a time down. And scince she doesn't get paid she can make her own hours. I've found that more than the juggling act and meeting everyones needs it is emotionaly tearing me apart. I thought I could distance myself, that it wouldn't affect me, after all she isn't my mother. Boy was I wrong. I didn't realize how much I love this woman and watching her die well I"m just not sure I'm strong enough. I haven't posted in so long because things are constant but she's started to sleep more and more and eat less and less so in a way I have more time but it's not a good thing because I know she's getting worse. One day soon she will die, in my house with me. I'm the one that's going to be holding her hand from this world to the next. On the one hand it is a wonderful feeling knowing that we have that kind of relationship but on the other hand it is very scary. I'm glad I found TNH, just knowing that when I have the time I can always come here and someone will understand and support me. Thanks.

Tricia-

Thoughts and prayers with you - I remember you from way back when and you've had a lot on your plate for sure! I hope these next few months will go peacefully for you - you have taken on a big and important job - I can only hope that someone will be able to be with me when I am dying --- hard to think about, but it will come!

Andrea

Sweetpiv, I'm sorry for the loss of your MIL. When one loses the person they have been caring for all kinds of feelings are normal, so please don't beat yourself up. Simply by keeping her at home, you gave her the greatest gift a child can give an elderly parent. With grief, many times come other unsettling emotions. The thing is to realize that they are perfectly normal feelings for caregivers. Guilt, failure, feelings of uselessness, anger toward the deceased and the one that usually causes guilt. . .Relief.

Speaking from my past experience, keeping yourself and the family busy is the best medicine. Talk about her, visit her grave, let the kids take her a flower. Remember her at Christmas by hanging an ornament on the tree or making her favorite recipe. The first year is always the hardest to get through, then things seem to smooth out again. You don't forget, but you learn to deal.

For yourself, wrap yourself up in your family. . .do all the things you've missed out on because you've had to stay home with her.

It may take months to recover mentally and physically from the exhaustion of caregiving and looking after your family at the same time. Just hang in there and take care of yourself for a change also.

I found this page by accident and I am really glad I did! I am also a caregiver for two relatives in my family. My mother and grandfather (live-in) who both suffer from various forms of mental illness. I have cared for my mother for ten years and my grandfather going on almost eight years, off and on. With my mother I have gone through every emotion possible. I had lived with her at times, during her lowest moments, and was literally a mobile Psychiatric Unit when I wasn't. There has been everything over the last ten years... 24 hr a day moitoring, bathroom and shower supervision, keeping her numerous medications logged, maintained, and hidden. Plus the doctor's appointments, emergency incidents, and numerous trips at all hours of the night to the local psychiatric hospital for an evaluation. With my grandfather, he refuses to admit he has a problem and has finally given in to treatment recently. He makes it as pleasent as giving a toddler a rectal thermometer to say the least. It is very hard for him to understand mental illness, or how his behaviors negatively effect not just him, but those around him. Claning up a bathroom after him is enough to make you It is very hard to care for someone especially when there is no one else to help. Just finding the time to balance your own life is difficult. Adding financial, parenting, household, and caregiver worries.... can be an overload on a neverending basis. You can't forget to take care of yourself though! Sparactics moments of nothingness included. You are still doing your job by being "on call." Some people say that you are never given more then you have the strength for.....so may the strength be with you Thanks Fern for helping me keep in mind that it's not just me. The holidays just add to the fun;-) I am sorry for your loss Sweetpiv. Happy Holidays everyone!

Hi Spiritual Mom. I'm just finding your post since my computer has been out of service a couple days while we moved. I'm so glad to see another caregiver posting here.

Like you said, it just helps knowing you aren't the only one dealing with it. Hope to see you posting along.

But my mother just went through this in recent years with her mother, who just passed away this March. She felt guilt all the time, especially when she eventually was forced to put my grandmother into a nursing home. My mom had to have both knees replaced, could not lift her, is single, had to work, could not be home with her anymore, etc. I kept telling her, "Mom! You are doing your utmost for her! You have NO reason to feel guilty!" She kept up with the nursing staff, the hospice person (who was excellent, by the way; my grandmother loved her), and made sure everything was right for my grandmother. She was wonderful to her! But she still felt a great deal of guilt. I think that just comes with the territory.

One source of support for caregivers is the following website:

http://familycaregiving101.org/

We envision being in this position ourselves someday, so it's good to know what's out there.

Thanks for your post,Susannah. It helps those caregiving to know others have had feelings of guilt and anger at the role they find themselves thrust into and that those feelings are very normal. . . not something to feel ashamed of. Caregiving is a hard row to hoe, any which way you go about it.

Reminder: We have posters and flyers to be distributed. Please advise me and I will send them on…
Have a great day!

Limited Complimentary Tickets Still Available for Family Caregivers
________________________________________
Contact: Outreach Coordinator - 1-800-829-2734

Today’s Caregiver magazine to hold area family caregiving conference

Limited complimentary tickets for family caregivers
Event: Today’s Caregiver magazine in association with the Northeast Florida Area Agency on Aging, Inc. will host The Fearless Caregiver Conference: a day of sharing wisdom, to be held Wednesday, March 23, 2005, from 9:00am to 3:00pm at The Ramada Inn Mandarin, I-295 and San Jose Blvd.

Who Should Attend: The Fearless Caregiver Conference provides practical information, advice and support for those caring for their loved ones. The forum is designed to help attendees receive hands-on advice for his or her caregiving challenges. All attendees will receive lunch and a copy of Today’s Caregiver magazine.
Attendees Will Learn: How to become a fearless member of your loved one's care team, tried and true "time-off techniques", expert advice for beating stress and depression, hands-on advice from local caregiving experts.
Keynote Speaker: A noted speaker, writer and publisher on caregiving issues since 1995, Gary Barg is Founder and Editor-In-Chief of Today’s Caregiver magazine and caregiver.com, as well as author of the book, The Fearless Caregiver. Today’s Caregiver magazine and caregiver.com combine information, advice and reader’s stories with interviews with celebrity caregiver such as Leeza Gibbons, Rob Lowe, Barbara Eden and Debbie Reynolds, among others. Barg’s interviews include; The Today Show, Bloomberg Radio, Time Magazine, The Wall Street Journal, USA Today, and Parade Magazine.

The Fearless Caregiver conferences: Held across the country, the events are designed as a day of support and guidance for family and professional caregivers. Barg states, "One reason why we've created the Fearless Caregiver Conference is so all area family caregivers can come together for a day designed just for them. There's more power, more strength, more love and more wisdom in that room than people could ever imagine."

Registration: Limited complimentary free registrations are available to family caregivers. Call 1-800-829-2734 or go online to www.caregiver.com and register for the conference. All attendees will receive lunch and a copy of Today’s Caregiver magazine.
Limited Exhibition Space and Sponsorships Still Available.

Reminder: We have posters and flyers to be distributed. Please advise me and I will send them on…
Have a great day!

Limited Complimentary Tickets Still Available for Family Caregivers
________________________________________
Contact: Outreach Coordinator - 1-800-829-2734

Today’s Caregiver magazine to hold area family caregiving conference

Limited complimentary tickets for family caregivers
Event: Today’s Caregiver magazine in association with the Northeast Florida Area Agency on Aging, Inc. will host The Fearless Caregiver Conference: a day of sharing wisdom, to be held Wednesday, March 23, 2005, from 9:00am to 3:00pm at The Ramada Inn Mandarin, I-295 and San Jose Blvd.

Who Should Attend: The Fearless Caregiver Conference provides practical information, advice and support for those caring for their loved ones. The forum is designed to help attendees receive hands-on advice for his or her caregiving challenges. All attendees will receive lunch and a copy of Today’s Caregiver magazine.
Attendees Will Learn: How to become a fearless member of your loved one's care team, tried and true "time-off techniques", expert advice for beating stress and depression, hands-on advice from local caregiving experts.
Keynote Speaker: A noted speaker, writer and publisher on caregiving issues since 1995, Gary Barg is Founder and Editor-In-Chief of Today’s Caregiver magazine and caregiver.com, as well as author of the book, The Fearless Caregiver. Today’s Caregiver magazine and caregiver.com combine information, advice and reader’s stories with interviews with celebrity caregiver such as Leeza Gibbons, Rob Lowe, Barbara Eden and Debbie Reynolds, among others. Barg’s interviews include; The Today Show, Bloomberg Radio, Time Magazine, The Wall Street Journal, USA Today, and Parade Magazine.

The Fearless Caregiver conferences: Held across the country, the events are designed as a day of support and guidance for family and professional caregivers. Barg states, "One reason why we've created the Fearless Caregiver Conference is so all area family caregivers can come together for a day designed just for them. There's more power, more strength, more love and more wisdom in that room than people could ever imagine."

Registration: Limited complimentary free registrations are available to family caregivers. Call 1-800-829-2734 or go online to www.caregiver.com and register for the conference. All attendees will receive lunch and a copy of Today’s Caregiver magazine.
Limited Exhibition Space and Sponsorships Still Available.

As someone who has not been in the position of full-time caregiver for anyone, I admit that unless a person has been in your shoes it is very difficult to understand the pressure. At least not fully understand. But in a day and time where so many ppl are just tossing family out more and more each day (children and elderly alike) it truely is an inspiration to see so many who care so much not only for their own parents and relatives but those of the their spouse's also. I have no idea what the ages of each of you or your relatives may be, but I am still fortunate enough to have parents (and in-laws) who are willing and able to care for themselves but I can see the day fast approaching when the tables will turn and I will have to care for mine as they done me. It gives me courage and hope that I CAN do this when I see each of you against all odds performing these tasks each day (many of you for years!). Just remember that not only are you doing what is right but you are also at the same time instilling within your children how to value life no matter whose life it may be! God bless and strengthen each of you!

Hey guys,
im new to the boards, just wondering if anyone is still around to talk to

Thanks
Mary