hether you're a glass-half-full or half-empty type, chances are you get caught in a cycle of negative thoughts from time to time. But once you're mired in misery, how do you restore your inner Pollyanna? "It's all about perspective," says Judith S. Beck, PhD, director of The Beck Institute for Cognitive Therapy and Research in suburban Philadelphia and author of Cognitive Therapy for Challenging Problems: What to Do When the Basics Don't Work (Guilford Press). Here are her tips on how to get your thinking back on track and regain a sunnier outlook.
Pay attention to your feelings Your ability to fight negative thoughts hinges on identifying them as soon as they appear, says Beck. If you're feeling distressed, ask yourself "What was just going through my mind?" Often, it's something like "I'm not doing a good enough job" or "I'm not as good as other moms." Once you've identified the thought, look for evidence that it's accurate or inaccurate. Take the example of a mother who, at the end of a long day, doesn't read her toddler a bedtime story and later thinks "I'm such a terrible mother." Once you recognize that thought, you can evaluate it and change it to more accurately reflect the truth, Beck says. If there is a problem, like never reading to your child, you can take steps to change that behavior. But more likely you'll be able to say, "I wish I had the energy to read to him that night, but I was so tired and missing one bedtime story does not mean I am a bad mother."
De-catastrophize your thoughts Many mothers have the tendency to think of the worst possible outcome, says Beck. Using the example from above, that mother might expand the original thought to something like: "I'm sure I have hurt my child's feelings by not reading him a story. I've scarred him for life and he won't meet his greatest potential. "This is called catastrophizing. It can be difficult to step back from that perspective and see things more realistically. Beck suggests jumping to the other extreme, the best that could happen -- maybe he'll exceed his potential. Seeing the two extremes can help you find the more likely outcome: that he'll be fine and this one incident won't have a far-reaching impact.
Adjust your expectations "Often moms have unrealistic expectations for themselves. They feel like they have to be the perfect mother or somehow they will harm their child," says Beck. To help set reasonable expectations, talk to mothers with grown children to remind yourself that most kids grow up to be fine. "Trying to be perfect will always leave you feeling frustrated and guilty," says Beck. Instead of focusing on the one thing you feel you did wrong, give yourself credit for all the things you do right.
Protect your personal time "Moms must take care of themselves," Beck insists. On Beck's essential list is getting plenty of rest and exercise, eating nutritiously, and spending time with your spouse, friends and family. Taking time to participate in activities that nourish you helps you keep a realistic perspective, and you may get helpful input from others you trust. "Simply getting out of the house every day can help keep you from dwelling on negative ideas," says Beck.
Julia Tolliver Maranan, a former editor at Natural Health magazine, is a freelance writer and editor specializing in health and fitness.
© Studio One Networks
 | Cognitive Therapy for Challenging Problems: What to Do When the Basics Don't Work asin: 1593851952 |
Technorati Tags: 
