Fifteen Ways to Spice Up Your Love Life
he moment finally feels right: You finally got the kids to bed, you've slipped into something sexy that's not stained with finger-paint, and then...zzz. You are conked out. For you and your partner, the lure of the sleep wins out over sex yet again.
Time and energy may not be things any young mom has in abundance, but fortunately, you don't need either to add sizzle to a sex life that might be slumping, says Lou Paget, a sex educator and the author of Hot Mamas (Doubleday Canada). She shared her surprisingly easy tips for reconnecting with your husband inside and outside the bedroom.
Make a date night "Married couples should never stop courting," says Paget. Pick a time and consider it a treat -- not one more thing on your to-do list. Think it's a downer to plan for sex? News flash: You basically always did. "A lot of what seemed like spontaneous sex, really wasn't. You had it on dates, weekends, vacation -- times you knew it would happen," she explains. "Planned sex can still be hot sex."
Get busy anywhere but your bed Using the dining room table for something other than dining adds variety, but there's another reason to ditch the bedroom: "One of my new-mom clients said that she was always so tired that anytime she hit the mattress, she just wanted to sleep!" says Paget.
Try spontaneous hugging Try this hug hint: Sneak up behind your husband and wrap your arms around him, says Paget. "Men have 'breast receptors' all over their bodies," she says with a laugh. "Your chest feels great against his back -- it's a big turn-on."
Use the past as an aphrodisiac Not a fan of talking dirty? Take a stroll down your shared sexual memory lane with your husband instead. "All it has to be is, 'Remember when you did X?'" says Paget. It's likely to get you a repeat performance.
Stop focusing on the big O "Rediscover the bases!" says Paget. Take the pressure off by seeing how good you can make each other feel without any "goal" in mind.
Surprise him in the shower Kids are unlikely to be suspicious of Mom and Dad being in the bathroom together in the morning. And if you both shampoo too, it's a timesaver!
Dip into your kids' toy chest You paid for all those board games -- why not borrow them and play strip versions?
Share a fantasy Not only is curiosity sexy, it also has the power to shift your relationship, says Paget. "Too many people have 'psychic sex,'" she explains. "They think they know what the other person wants, when often they may be hiding the same desires."
Type up a turn-on Sending a racy e-mail or text message to your husband takes seconds -- and unless your little one is a prodigy, she won't be able to read it!
Build anticipation As your husband is walking out the door in the morning, tell him what you can't wait to do with him that night, says Paget. (Use code words so your kids won't understand.) The two of you will feel excited all day.
Recreate your first dates Bring back the initial lust you felt by revisiting the spots you went to in the beginning of your relationship. Or if you've moved since then, at least bring back that level of creativity when you go out, says Paget. "The key is to pay that much attention to your mate," she explains.
Break your patterns If you do moves in a certain order in bed, change it up! "Or set rules, like hands or mouth only tonight," says Paget.
Get book smart Buy a book of new sexual positions, curl up on the couch with your husband and ask if there are some he'd like to try. "Men are used to being the ones who have to approach women, and they never forget the sting of rejection," says Paget. "He'll love it if you take initiative."
Ignore the clock Stop viewing sex as a nighttime activity, advises Paget: "You may be too tired to do it then anyway!" Fooling around on a Saturday afternoon while your child takes a nap can be very steamy.
Get him in a liplock Everyday intimate gestures are key to a sizzling sex life, says Paget, and kissing is the number-one thing that turns women on. "Pull him close and say, 'I adore kissing you,'" she says.
Jessica Brown, a former editor at Woman's Own, Woman's Day, Child and Redbook, now writes about general health, sexual health, fitness, nutrition, psychology, parenting, and pregnancy.
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By the way: More ideas along these lines!
- Sex After Pregnancy can help you and your sweetie get back on track in the sack--not so easy for some couples!
- 300 Dating Ideas is a veritable treasure trove of possibilities for date nights. Because once you become a parent, ideas for that kinda thing can fly right out the window. Ask me how I know.
- 500 Lovemaking Tips and 100 Great Sex Games for Couples: Fun advice, and lots of it, from Oprah show expert Michael Webb.
- Instant Sexy Letters: Nothing says "I still love you, honey" more than a real live, on-paper, steamy love letter! Sometimes the old-fashioned ways are best.