Fifteen Ways to Spice Up Your Love Life
he moment finally feels right: You finally got the kids to bed, you've slipped into something sexy that's not stained with finger-paint, and then...zzz. You are conked out. For you and your partner, the lure of the sleep wins out over sex yet again.
Time and energy may not be things any young mom has in abundance, but fortunately, you don't need either to add sizzle to a sex life that might be slumping, says Lou Paget, a sex educator and the author of Hot Mamas (Doubleday Canada). She shared her surprisingly easy tips for reconnecting with your husband inside and outside the bedroom.
Make a date night "Married couples should never stop courting," says Paget. Pick a time and consider it a treat -- not one more thing on your to-do list. Think it's a downer to plan for sex? News flash: You basically always did. "A lot of what seemed like spontaneous sex, really wasn't. You had it on dates, weekends, vacation -- times you knew it would happen," she explains. "Planned sex can still be hot sex."
Get busy anywhere but your bed Using the dining room table for something other than dining adds variety, but there's another reason to ditch the bedroom: "One of my new-mom clients said that she was always so tired that anytime she hit the mattress, she just wanted to sleep!" says Paget.
Try spontaneous hugging Try this hug hint: Sneak up behind your husband and wrap your arms around him, says Paget. "Men have 'breast receptors' all over their bodies," she says with a laugh. "Your chest feels great against his back -- it's a big turn-on."
Use the past as an aphrodisiac Not a fan of talking dirty? Take a stroll down your shared sexual memory lane with your husband instead. "All it has to be is, 'Remember when you did X?'" says Paget. It's likely to get you a repeat performance.
Stop focusing on the big O "Rediscover the bases!" says Paget. Take the pressure off by seeing how good you can make each other feel without any "goal" in mind.
Surprise him in the shower Kids are unlikely to be suspicious of Mom and Dad being in the bathroom together in the morning. And if you both shampoo too, it's a timesaver!
Dip into your kids' toy chest You paid for all those board games -- why not borrow them and play strip versions?
Share a fantasy Not only is curiosity sexy, it also has the power to shift your relationship, says Paget. "Too many people have 'psychic sex,'" she explains. "They think they know what the other person wants, when often they may be hiding the same desires."
Type up a turn-on Sending a racy e-mail or text message to your husband takes seconds -- and unless your little one is a prodigy, she won't be able to read it!
Build anticipation As your husband is walking out the door in the morning, tell him what you can't wait to do with him that night, says Paget. (Use code words so your kids won't understand.) The two of you will feel excited all day.
Recreate your first dates Bring back the initial lust you felt by revisiting the spots you went to in the beginning of your relationship. Or if you've moved since then, at least bring back that level of creativity when you go out, says Paget. "The key is to pay that much attention to your mate," she explains.
Break your patterns If you do moves in a certain order in bed, change it up! "Or set rules, like hands or mouth only tonight," says Paget.
Get book smart Buy a book of new sexual positions
Ignore the clock Stop viewing sex as a nighttime activity, advises Paget: "You may be too tired to do it then anyway!" Fooling around on a Saturday afternoon while your child takes a nap can be very steamy.
Get him in a liplock Everyday intimate gestures are key to a sizzling sex life, says Paget, and kissing is the number-one thing that turns women on. "Pull him close and say, 'I adore kissing you,'" she says.
Jessica Brown, a former editor at Woman's Own, Woman's Day, Child and Redbook, now writes about general health, sexual health, fitness, nutrition, psychology, parenting, and pregnancy.
© Studio One Networks
By the way: More ideas along these lines!
- Sex After Pregnancy can help you and your sweetie get back on track in the sack--not so easy for some couples!
- 300 Dating Ideas is a veritable treasure trove of possibilities for date nights. Because once you become a parent, ideas for that kinda thing can fly right out the window. Ask me how I know.
- 500 Lovemaking Tips and 100 Great Sex Games for Couples: Fun advice, and lots of it, from Oprah show expert Michael Webb.
- Instant Sexy Letters: Nothing says "I still love you, honey" more than a real live, on-paper, steamy love letter! Sometimes the old-fashioned ways are best.
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Comments
Please help me. i'm desperate.
These are wonderful ideas.
Some of which i try quite often.
But my husband is non responsive.
I send him steamy texts telling him what i want to do to him when he gets home and he just says we'll see.
I sneak up on him and hug him from behind and kiss him at random.
But he doesn't seem to care that i'm trying.
i'm desperate to have more than the ussual quickie we have to help him get to sleep.
I'm dieing for some love making.
Something that lasts more than 10 minutes.
It's like he feels that since were married we don't have to be concerned with the emotional part of sex.
Please please give me some sort of advice.
I'm begging.
Thanks much.
Robin.
I know exactly what you mean - here is what I did
My fiance and I have been together for 3 years, he has a 4 year old from a previous relationship, so lets just say love making was hard to come by because of the little one.
I was so tired of just having quickies and not being like we were when we first starting dating, I know the 'honeymoon' stage was over a long time ago but this was not what was supposed to happen. One day I arranged for my fiances mom to babysit so we could have the night together. I made him dinner and got a steamy love movie (not a porn). I told him exactly what I wanted. I said we had the whole night alone together and I wanted more than a quickie.
Ever since then, we have had about 2 nights like that a month. The quickies still fit in but he enjoyed that night so much he now makes the arrangements for them.
If that doesn't work, try watching sports if that's what he likes and when the game is over tell him, "we did what you want, now its my turn to get what I want"
I hope this helped...
sex life
good luck my friend nock him dead
Sounds like he may have
Sounds like he may have something on the side.
dont worry
if your husband is seriously not even seeing that your trying to be more fun and intimate, treat him like he treats you. men are different and after he cant get what he wants, he'll do anything to get it back. dont always have sex with him because he wants it. sex should be a thing where you both want to enjoy it. dont be a puch over. stand up for what you want. hey, he might find that sexy
, a challenge for once. hope this helps 
Robin... I know this post was
Robin... I know this post was a long time ago, and I hope that things have improved. I would be curious to know what happened, how you two have recovered from this, if it's gotten better. We are going through a very similar situation and discovered that his testosterone levels were very low. It wasn't me and it wasn't anything I was doing wrong...and there wasn't anyone else.
Thanks for updating!!
Robing--I hope things have
Robing--I hope things have gotten better. Glad guest who replied found the answer. We thought that might be the thing with my husband but you never know.
I want to comment on some advice you received, very important, DO NOT have a threesome if your relationship is rocky. It will not fix things, just like having a baby will not fix a bad marriage....
Use fantasies to spice things up. Sexy words, kinky stuff, it goes a long way. Even if you never actually do any of the things you talk about, it can be so exciting to both of you. Threesome talks, if that is a turn on for you both,talk about it, get into detail, then get into each other. ONLY if you have a strong relationship and ONLY if you both agree to it without feeling pressured, should you actually share a threesome.
I really hope it has gotten better for you.
your comment
ok robin im having the same problem but the thing is is that we have sex more then 1 a day but it only lasts for 15 20 minutes hes my first weve been together 4 years almost and the only real time hes made love to me was my 1st time with him... im going to try these and see if they work maybe you should try roleplaying
Serious Advice
Robin,
Me and my girlfriend were in the same boat not too long ago. My levels were so out of wack I couldn't even stand myself. We would have sex 2 times amonth for the longest time. After I got my levels checked out it was great. To make things even better for us, she got "50 Shades of Grey" WOW is all I can say.
I went out and got sex toys for the both of us to play with....everything is velcro...restraints, leg spreader bar, blindfold, feather tickler, etc.... We role play alot more. Just the other night we went to the sex shop together ans that was even hot for the both of us, because we never tried that together. We picked up a game that was incredible. We played it for about 6 hours and enjoying every minute of it. Try spicing up with the little things first.....Me when we first met we role played alot and let me tell you there's nothing more sexier than seeing my girlfriend in a plaid skirt, thigh highs and heels.
I will have to try this. It
I will have to try this. It hurts me when my husband and I even try to have sex, but I think that is all because we don't do it enough. We have been together for six years, and just got married two months ago--we didn't even have sex on our honeymoon. I guess I need to work with him and find that spark we used to have before its too late.
I am a 22 year old mother of
I am a 22 year old mother of two my husband and I have been living together for 3 years if im lucky we have sex once a week and they are just quickies, he always turns me around, and I never remove my shirt I am not comfortable with my body. Also we are both home all day everyday. well my question is how can I be sexy enought to turn him on , and be comfortable to get naked infront of him? he says he doesnt mind that I am 15 pounds heavier and that he doesnt care about my stretch marks but I do. what can I do can someone help me please!!!!
I think that if your
I think that if your significant other really truley loves you,he will understand that of course you will have stretch marks and be over weight. I have been with my husband for 8 years,we have 3 kids and I too have tons of stretch marks and about 100 pounds overweight. This by all means is understandable when having kids. But this also doesn't make me feel uncomfortable either.My man tell me he dowsn't care about my physical appearance because I'm still the same person he fell in love with!! Be proud of who you are!! I'm almost positive that your man doesn't even care about that stuff. Self-esteem is a great thing to have in a relationship, so cheer up!
Me and my gf are 22 years old
Me and my gf are 22 years old and she haves the same problem with not taking her shirt off and what not just to let you know we don't care if we liked your body b4 the baby we like it now you should try fantasy talk like dirty talk just to give you some ideas try talking dirty don't b afraid to use the dirty words such as pussie,cock,ass sorry if the words offend you but It will work tell him how you want it in detail put a slutty skirt on hike it up high let him see some skin hope this works for you
RE: I am a 22 year old mother of 2
Hi. I am a 26 year old mother of one and from my experience stretch marks really don't matter and neither does the extra weight.. (my husband prefered the extra weight!) anyways... you just keep in mind that you are young and beautiful and the reason for those stretch marks is totally worth it! Be confident-It's a turn on but if you are really self concious.... blindfold him
That will be a turn on for him and if gives you the ability to relax... good luck!
after children
i have a four year old and right after i didnt feel comfortable for like years i was just the same. didnt wanna show my skin. go to victoria secreat and get something you are comfortable in thats sexy and covers up your stomach when you feel sexy your man will lovee it
22 and 3 kids
as much as u dont like ur body ur man does i was never comfortable with mine until i married my husband try for one night or even during the day u and him lay naked in bed and ask him " if u love my body SHOW ME?" see how he respons. not trying to be nosy but if u do try it i want to know if it helps
Hi, I know exactly how you
Hi,
I know exactly how you feel. I feel for you, truly. You are shy beacuse of an insecurity, the problem is, is if I tell you not to feel this way...who am I kidding? you can't choose how you feel. Unfortunatly, it will not change unless you want it to change.
You shouldn't point to your husband your insecurities, most likely he probably wouldn't even notice unless you point it out to him. You probebly point it out to him in hopes that he would compliment you on it but his com
ents may be spoken from a negative side when you're looking for a compliment. The truth is that ou can not change him, you must change yourself first and than he will change (I'm pretty sure)
Just want to let you in on a
Just want to let you in on a little secret: self confidence is a major turn-on! if you think youre sexy he will think youre sexy. if you feel ashamed of your body then he will not want as much to do with you because you are not giving yourself to him completely. i had to learn this the hard way. since i have realized that showing confidence about the way my body looks he has alot more to do with me, and more than just in sexual ways. it was like the difference between day & night once i started showing more self confidence!
I am a 25 year old mother of
The moral of the story: Don't allow the marks or extra weight on your body define who you are. The definition of a woman comes from inside.
BORED!!!!
I am 29 and been married almost 4 years. I have a son who I stay home with, and my hubby works. I have found myself starting to get bored with our sex life...it's like I don't want to do it anymore...the passion is gone. I love my husband and remember times when we couldn't keep our hands off each other, but that hasn't changed with him, it has with me. HELP WITH ADVICE PLEASE!!!
Brandie who is 29 and bored
Its not just all you older people that have problems....
Im 17, my boyfriend have been together for about a year or so and were facing the same problems. Were excited before we have sex, then about half way through, we get tired and it feels like neither of us wants to continue. He comes over every sunday and we try with lingurie and chocolate body paint and blind folds and we try all over the house, but its just not working. Thank God we dont have children to worry about, although we did have a scare last year. Im going off to college next year and he's going to the navy, so maybe a little time apart will be all we need... Hopefully.
:(
Im 19 and i am facing the same problem, i have been with my boyfriend 4 years in november and i dont feel wanted anymore, we have moved in together now, im enjoying my own place and everything but i feel like a piece of the furniture, i go out a lot with my friend,her partner and his friends but my boyfriend doesnt come out with me, (hes boring) people flirt with me and i like that it makes me feel wanted but i dont want to feel wanted by them i want my boyfriend, i never realised how many girls as young as us go through this, its probly true what they say have your fun first. i do love my boyfriend with everything i have, he will do anything for me but we just dont connect like we used to. im sorry i havnt given you advice but just wanted you to know its hard for us young girls to enjoy our life while were young when we are tied down. i sit and talk to my boyfriend about it lots but he doesnt like to face the fact that i want the conversation he thinks its going to turn out bad so his reply is always whatever, not the most mature reply. its probly hard for us as we work at the same place so i do see quite a lot of him but thats not my main concern. I need to get that spark back we had at the begining where when he touched me anywhere i had tingles, i have none of that anymore
i hope someone out there had some answers x
the difference between you at 15 and you at 19
...is HUGE. You are a different person now. You say he's boring. If you find him boring, you don't have a relationship. You haven't said how old he is, but if he's as young as you are, he's changed a lot, too. Settling down as young as you are, it's not surprising you've grown apart.
At best you need counseling; at worst you need to move out. If you still love each other and want to spend your lives together after a year living in different places, then you can revisit it.
That's my advice as an old lady.
Good luck to you.
Hi Lynn, I'm Kita. I'm
Hi Lynn, I'm Kita. I'm writing you because I need some wisdom from you. I'm 18 years of age and my husband is 20. We have three children and we both have our own place together. We've been together this year will be 4years! I love him and I know he loves me. My question is what do I do to spicen up our relationship when it comes to sex. I mean when we have sex its great, I'm just thinking too far because I don't want him to search elsewhere for something new. I know this sounds crazy, but what I'm meaning is that I believe my walls aren't tight as they use to. What could I do???! Thanks for reading! Anyone
Three children?
And you're 18. Interesting.
Well, if you're concerned about pelvic muscles, the best advice is Kegel exercises, which are good for anyone male or female who wants to keep all the relevant bits and bobs in good working order--not just for sex but for urinary health as well.
OPEN UP LINES OF
OPEN UP LINES OF COMMUNICATION. He does not know he is not satifying you if you do not tell him what he can do to change it. You have been together for a while, so don't be shy in the bedroom with one another. Believe me, it took a lot for the ice to be broke in my relationship. Tell each other your fantasies, but first, make sure you both can handle each others fantasies. Use those to your advantage, talk about it before going to bed with each other, talk about it just out of the blue, get each other excited, tease each other at a time when you know you can't do anthing and when you are able to you will be wanting it more. If he don't make you tingle anymore, help him with that. everyone should get to know their own bodies, what makes them excited, what makes them tingle. Masterbate and keep getting yourself to where you almost reach that point, stop, do it again, know what takes to get you to that point. It just may turn him on that you are willing to help him....open up and enjoy each other.
in the same boat
SSOOOOO ladies I decided. since he wants to be this way. I decided I'm hitting the gym hard, dressing up nice everyday and not let him see me without makeup, Im going to be the most patient mother he's ever seen ( if hes paying attention) if he stays the same without appreciating me then im done and I cant say I didnt try getting his attention. At this rate I'm doing this for myself. Time to be selfish. At least then I have a strong head and somewhat organized. I refuse to be sad about it and let him get the best of me. Some days I'll feel alone but screw it! If i need to cuddle or hug Ill grab my girls lol.. If i need pleasure in bed I'll grab the toy and batteries hahaha... Anyways.. keep strong ladies... when your feeling down perk urself up with a jog, makeup, get ur hair or nails done, do it for urself, YOU DESERVE IT!! =0)
It's not the stretchmarks....
I've been with my man for nine years, not married, we have two beautiful daughters aged two and four, and I'm 27. I thought it was because of my body issues at first too...but you know what, I'm 115lbs after both girls, I've got a killer body thanks to kickboxing, got myself some nice DD implants...and I'm still in the same boat. It has nothing to do with self image, because I've worked on all that and nothing else has changed. Maybe it's more of a mind frame. He thinks I don't look good. He thinks, he thinks....blah blah blah. For me, I almost feel too maternal now, and not as sexual as I use to feel. Almost like mothers shouldn't do it or something. I'm lost too. Tonight...sexy outfits on, lights on, and camera on
Just for the two of us...but I really need to FEEL sexy again, and I think this just might help start a spark 
Not feeling Romantic anymore
I'm a 17 year old mother of a handsome little man, me and my hubby have been together going on 7 years now. I love him so much and want to show him that I truly love him but sex really just isn't an option anymore. When we have sex it's dull I just don't feel the spark like I used to, I have changed after having our son sex just isn't romantic anymore we really have no time and when we finally get him to sleep someone is always knocking on our bedroom door which in return always wakes him up so I have to fight with him some more to get him to sleep. We are always at each others throat and by the time we are both in the mood we are so tired. Any advice for this tired sexless mother would be appreciated.
It's okay
The first thing to fix is people knocking on the door. You have a baby, its okay to tell them to go away! Secondly, leave the baby with a sitter and spend a night with your husband. If you love him show him. That is romance; the flowers, the chocolate, touching and exploring. Just relax and don't worry about how you changed or what you have to do tomorrow. You need to just live in the moment. Half of sex is mental, so if you go into it thinking "ugh this is a chore" or "I'm so tired lets get this over with" the sex will be mechanical and forced. Set up the mood with some nice candles and such. It'll be okay, I promise
try this
You should try this: get someone to babysit while u and ur hubby go out to a romantic dinner and try not to eat too much cuz after that u can drive somewhere where u know no one is going to see u and have a little fun in the car. It gets u alone and out of the bedroom and gives u a break from ur baby waking up and from people bothering u
Role play & toys can make a difference
Sometimes, even if its just been a couple months, if you do the same repetitive thing over and over again with sex, it gets boring for one person or the other eventually. Role playing (doctor-nurse, doctor-patient, teacher-student, lawyer-secretary, you get the gist) can really spice things up. You can also try going to an adult novelty store and picking out some lotions or even toys to try out with each other. Remember ladies you have to give as much as you receive as well, and most men also like a woman who will take charge in the bedroom without hesitation. Costumes can be a great idea as well, so can taking pictures or making videos just for your eyes only, and get experimental, not everyone is open to it, but sometimes bringing a 3rd in just for an intimate night can really bring a relationship closer together.
the BEST idea to spice up your love life :)
So I wrote before...I def. didn't have the best sex life before, but, I actually discovered something that has worked to get me and him in the mood more often! I know it's going to sound silly, but we do what the teens call "sext" lol. Through out the day while he's at work (obviously not driving) we just text each other sexy, dirty messages, and even when he's at home in another room. It builds up the sexual tension through out the day to the point where we can't wait to put the girls to bed
I can't do role-play, it's just not my style, and planning sex is def. not for me either, but, this worked like a dream 
Hope it works for you as well!
im WAY more sexually active then my husband.
send him to the doctor
It sounds like he may have low testosterone levels. It's more common than you might think, and the cure is a hormone patch. Good luck!
I'm losing it
I love my wife very much and do not want to cheat on her but I'm getting tire with the way our sex life is going. we've been married for 9 yrs and our sex life has never improve; she rarely is interested and when I attempt to arouse her she turns me off. If we ever have sex it's once or twice a month. What can I do to improve our sex life?
is she...
Do you two have children? is she on birth control? (it lowers sex drive). You two sound like us...same roles, and he was lucky if he got it once every two months. We actually sat down and talked about it...all of it. No anger, just get it all out in the open on feelings and thoughts. Then, we made a deal...no exchanging backrubs for sex on his end or mine. That helped, it really took the bartering out of it. Then we made sure we made time for eachother, and he took the time to show me he appreciated me (which tends to slide after 9 yrs) Buy her flowers, or her fav. candy in a bag. Steal a kiss each chance you can and give her lots of hugs...do not, whatever you do, take this as the time to grope or fondle her, if she's like me...she's prob. turned off by it now that she's in a spot where she doesn't want to have sex. She wants to be cuddled
wants the flame to be re-lit. And if you have a cell phone, send her romantic/dirty messages...get her thinking about it all day so at night she just wants to pounce 
Magnesium/calcium supplements also "boost" libido.
Hope this helps! I just told you what took me four years to figure out!
how tired is she?
I mean, literally. Often men don't realize how tired women get, taking care of the house, children and often, work outside the home. Obviously I don't know your situation--for all I know, you handle everything--but it very well could be she's just tired. Help her out more. She won't be so tired, and she may very well be in a more romantic mood out of gratitude and affection.
try sex toys, been married
try sex toys, been married for over 40 years, thats the best sex and she loves it, at first she really didn't want too, but know she would have sex every night. and i get turned on bye her.have fun and try it
Is it bad that I want it more than him?
I am 23 and I've been living with my boyfriend for about 1.5 years now. We have sex maybe once a week and I'm not ok with that. I love sex and want to several times a week. He says I'm insatiable. When we don't have sex I get angry. He says it turns him off because I want it all the time. I don't understand why he doesn't want it as much as I do. I'm scared that the thrill is gone. What do I do?
I feel the exact same way!
My fiance' and I have been together for a little over two years now, I'm also 23. We moved in together last November, he popped the question the night before x-mas. The big problem is that Im always wanting sex more then he does. He says he thinks I'm hypersexual (I've never wanted to sleep with someone more in my life then I do with him, so I doubt that) he complains he's tired, not in the mood, can't just hop to attention whenever I'm ready. This leaves me feeling undesired, and angry. I take it out on him and feel resentful. In return he says I'm mean, and if I were nicer maybe he'd feel more comfortable being more intimate on a regular basis. So I'll be sweet, calm down realize sex isn't everything, and try to be a nice girl. Week or so will pass I'll try to come on to him, he'll brush me off. BOOM the cycle begins all over again. Last night I finally asked him, 'Is our sex boring?' he looked away and said yes. crushed. So now I'm trying to find ways to spice it up, but I'm worried this is a bad sign after being together for only two years.
Try dressing up
I'm 24 and have been with my husband for 6 years an have two children aged 4 and 2. About a year ago our sex life was bordering on non-existent which is awful. We had arguments constantly about it and I got upset because I thought it was because my body isn't as firm as it used to be. It was nothing to do with that, in actual fact my partner was actually having problems with a tight foreskin and was too embarrassed to tell me. I had actually become that moody that he didn't want to tell me that sex was putting him in pain! He went to the doctors and got advice on it. So maybe there are underlying reasons why your partner isn't up to it. I then started wearing basques now and again to help cover up my stretchmarks and wobbly bits which he doesnt have a problem with-but I do. We have romantic evenings and go out on dates still. With lots of spontaneous sex when we don't have our children. He comes in from work and I will pull his pants down before he's even put his keys on the side. You both need to be aware of how the other person is feeling because otherwise you will hate each other for not doing what you want. Good luck x
Find it hard to instigate sex
I am 31 and have been with my husband for 6 years married for three. When we first met we had great sex, cause he always instigated it. I know he wants me to be able to instigate it but I am too shy that I might do something he don't like. I love my hubby and still get tingled when he touches me, and want to have sex with him all the time, but because i don't instigate it and don't say nothing. we have quickies same position all the time which bores me cause i know what i would really like to do to him. Sometimes he asks for dj which I am happy to give but he just lays there but I want him to arouse me too it all seems one way pleasure. He has already cheated on me and we were separated for a year, we spoke about the problems that were in our relationship so if anyone can help me with my problem before I loose my hubby for good o would be grateful.
leave
Seriously. If he's cheated on you once and doesn't seem interested in whether you're enjoying yourself, it's time to either leave or get counseling.
The flip side: You need to get clear within yourself what you want out of your sex life--and then ask for it. We cannot expect our partners to just instinctively know, and you should not spend your sexual life frustrated. You have to speak up.
well first ask him what he
well first ask him what he would like u to do to him but ask him during the day to give u some ideas for that night. then instead of planning a time ur gonna do it just spontaneously do it. u can walk out in something sexy and ask him to follow u. then lead him where u want him and just start doing whatever u want to him. one time i walked out to my bf in something sexy that made me feel good about my body. i have stretch marks so i dont feel sexy when they r shown so i put on a one piece leopard print and it made me feel good about myself and i know he liked it by the look on his face. then i asked him to come with me real quick and i had him follow me to the bedroom. i closed the door behind us and took his pants off and gently pushed him onto the bed and started doing what i wanted to him. we got into it and when we were finished he told me that he likes it when i take charge so my advice would be to wear something sexy that makes u feel comfortable and dont feel shy cuz im sure he will like anything u do to him so go ahead and take charge it will really turn him on and will improve his attitude and performance
I know this was posted
I know this was posted sometime a go hope this got better. I know how you feel. Been there be brave. Just try be brave. Do him. Give him a bj between his leggs and from the side the stratle his chest. Your butt will be towards his face. I know it takes alot be brave. After he is good and wet mount his dixx youcan face away from him or face him.Make sure he knows you enjoy this make sounds.
Please help me...
I am 21 me and my husband have been married for 2 years and have a 1 year old little boy... Before I got pregnant I wanted sex everyday sometime 3 or 4 times a day but since I have had my little boy I never want it anymore. I love my husband so much and I feel so sorry for him cause I have no sex drive anymore. I really want help... I want it to go back to the way it used to be.. When we got together I weighed 125 and now I weigh a lot more than that. i am so embarrassed by it. My hubby says he dont care that he loves me and he still thinks I am beautiful but I don't.... What can I do??????? I really want my sex life back....
PLEASE HELP ME
:)
First to Brittany,
I've totally been there! I just wanted to let you know that, unfortunately, women naturally lose some of their libido after having children. It sucks, but it's just the way it seems to work for us. Hormonal changes is the biggest trigger, aside from feeling more like a mom than a lover...espc. when he's still so young. I've also been there with the "physical issues" part, and even went to the length of getting surgery to enhance what was no more, and believe it or not, that didn't help! It took time for me to figure out that I was just tired...long days with children, being needed all day. It's exausting and I don't think enough women give themselves enough credit for what they do...and not enough men realize that 1. this is a hormonal thing that we can't control, and 2. that we are being touched and grabbed and needed all day and by days end, we're tired!
If it's you not in the mood...I found that texting dirty msgs helped alot. I'm not "out there" and couldn't find myself doing role-play, but this was fun, discreet and kept my mind on it all day...until he got home. Set something up one night, get a babysitter or when the little guy is down, light some candles, put on something you know he will find sexy, and have fun
First, go to the doctor and
First, go to the doctor and see if anything medical is the reason you don't have your sex drive. If not, good, then find out why. Is it because you are afraid if you have sex you will get pregnant too soon again? If so, take precautions. Now, if everything is taken care of, get wild. What drives you crazy? think on that, find a way to get yourself excited. Get some adult toys, experiment on your own, with hubby, whatever it takes to get you excited, do it. Don't be afraid to tell you hubby or yourself what you wildest fantasies are and go on that. Good luck, if you know and enjoy yourself then you will enjoy him and I bet he will enjoy you that much more....
lack of libido
I am 19 and im from australia,
I've been living with my Boyfriend for almost five months now.
He works hard and gets up really early to go to work to support us both. but I have a really high sex drive, i usually want sex everyday, but sadly i get let down....
usually because he is tired.
also because he is on anti depressants,
so when we do have sex he has trouble staying hard and sometimes cant ejaculate...
i know this is because of the medication but it makes me feel inadequate.
or that im not pretty enough or good at sex. :*(
this also effects his confidence levels and when the urge for sex does arise we both get awkward because we both antiscipate the worst.
i read these tips and tricks and i really hope they can help.
i just want the best for him because he trys to give the best for me.
finding myself again..
i'm 30 yrs old and have been with my husband for 10yrs married for 6yrs. at the beginning we just couldn't keep our hands off each other...i used to look good at the beginning but gained a lot of weight later on, we have no kids and we are trying but for i have no sex drive..when we have sex it's so dull..same position all the time..i can't seem to do anything different coz i,m so uncomfortable with my body...pls help me...ilove my husband and i want us to have that spark all over again
HELP.....
I HAVE BEEN WITH MY HUSBAND SINCE I WAS 15 IM NOW 40 ... FOR 25 YEARS AND MARRIED 24 OF THEM , 2 KIDS LATER.... WE HAVE ZERO SEX LIFE ... I HAD A FULL HYSTERECTOMY AT AGE 20.... I HAVE NO SEX DRIVE....I FEEL OUR SEX LIFE IS BORING SAME O SAME O... I FANTISIZE OVER OTHER MEN TO ORGASM... HE DOESNT EXCITE ME AT ALL!!!!!! SOMETIMES I WOULD LIKE TO LEAVE BUT I WONDER ABOUT THROWING 25 YEARS AWAY AND ALL WE WORKED FOR ..... I SOMETIMES WONDER ABOUT JUST HAVING AN AFFAIR WILL HELP ME FANTISIZE MORE THEN WHEN IM WITH HIM I WILL THINK ABOUT SOMEONE ELSE BUT I KNOW IT'S WRONG.... ANY ADVICE HELPPPPPPPPPPPPP......
Bringing the fun back
Hey Daisy
If you have thoughts about staying with your hubby, but being with another man to help encourage your sex drive...we can work with this. I've never been on your end of things, but I have been the lady that helped the man when he was in your situation...and holy regrets. I think if you're needing an external way to help, maybe try some pornography. They have some really, really good stuff out there for women, no gyno shots, more of a story plot than just a sex plot. You could also try some toys...and just you at first, get your man involved once you are comfortable enough with your new friend and then you two can have fun and experiment together. There is a really neat little tube 'o stuff out there that is all natural and when applied to the vaginal walls it actually swells them...giving you a tighter feel to him, and for you, more blood flow resulting in a much better feeling during sex. It's quite inexpensive too! I also found that reading some dirty books helped...there's afew I've tried, will always love my Harlequin Red Book Series...but google your heart out until you find the right one, it def. helped me get in the mood by the time my kids went to bed!
With any luck, once you are in a sexual place again, he will notice (as most men do) and he'll take the cues and you two can have a great sex life again. If he's anything like my man, he's backing off finding it easier to just forget about sex then to think about it all the time knowing he may not get it (ours is def. better now though...but we went through that phase for years!)
I hope this helps you!
my relationship
I am 23 years old and I'm engaged to a wonderful man. We plan on getting married in 2012, but our issues are communication, romance, and intimacy. He's fed up with how I am because all I do is work and sleep. We both love sex but I need help in keeping it spicy and interesting. He's a night person, but I'm not. When I go to his "parent's house" I go right to sleep to wake up and do it all over again. We're not living together and privacy is limited because we're still living with our parents. We're both currently working in retail, but I'm working more hours and being on my feet a lot. There are always bills to pay and our finances are horrible. He says I put work and bills before him and he's more hurt that I show him no attention or affection. If I don't get enough sleep, my work performance is bad at my job. If I sleep enough during the night, he is stuck with me sleeping and not showing him any attention. I love him dearly, but he makes me frustrated when I do my best by showing him attention and loving him and giving him affection but its not enough. I try to compromise, but he doesn't have a relationship on a schedule. If I'm off the next day, I have no problem with anything during the night, but if I have to get up the next day, I'm going to sleep early. Also, I'm a quiet person and he says I don't talk which bothers him because I hardly say anything. He communicates more than I do. I accept him and his flaws, but it seems like I'm doing everything wrong and to him, I refuse to do anything about it. He hates it when I don't have anything to say. I'm getting tired and feel like I have no other options. If nothing is done about this, he said that our relationship is over. He questions everything I say to him in a loving way because he thinks I don't mean it. What am I doing wrong. Our relationship will be 2 years this December. We've been engaged for a year and some months. He complains that I didn't start wedding planning, but its 2 years away and neither one of us can afford it. Saving is an issue because our funds are enough to get us by to pay the bills every month. Not living together, I'm always going to his house, privacy is limited, I'm tired from working all the time with 1-2 days off every week. What am I suppose to do? I need help and a miracle. I'm dealing with enough stress as it is.
serious trouble
I suggest you get some pre-marital counseling, right away. Your needs and his needs are not meshing, and it's especially disturbing in terms of a long-term relationship that he can't accept that you're a quiet person. More is wrong here than your sex life.
frustrated!
I am 22yrs old and have been with my husband for 5yrs. we have a son together and he has two other kids from a previous marriage. Im always having to pressure him to have sex with me and by the time he gives in, i feel like he is just doing it because he feels like he has to or he will lose me. Im not going to leave him because of that but I dont want him to feel like its a chore to do me. i want him to genuinely want me. its not that he doesnt get aroused, its that he just doesnt want to have sex. i try everything. i have a good body, i try new things, old things, everything that i can think of to spice things up. i even got him some pills prescribed for him from his dr. and that didnt work. i dont know what to do but being 22yrs old and only getting laid once a month (if im lucky) just isnt cutting it. i need some help here!
I need help!!!
I'm 19 years old and engaged we have been together for 1 1/2yrs. My fiance and I moved in with his aunt because she needed help paying her bills so she wouldn't lose her house. well, his aunt is 76 years old and she's very godly/ christian to the extreme over board. She say's that she doesn't want us having sex in her house. But, we do if were alone and if she's going to be gone a long time we'll make love more then just a quickie. Since she hasn't been off with her niece and stays out late we haven't done it really besides like 3 days ago out of a blue moon. We really liked it but, all now were doing is quickies. I'm feeling like that all that is happening is were having quickie sex and constantly going somewhere or doing something. besides last night he tried to take me out to movies but it got ruinned for some odd reason the theater screen was making bad sounds and we didn't want to watch another movie. So there's no spice to our relationship it seems on my part and to me I'm starting to feel like if something doesn't change then I just want to leave him. Because I don't want just quick sex. I don't know what to do i need help!!!!! please help me someone I've been looking for help in days.....
happily
...but I'm not quite clear what you're asking for here.
In some respects it almost sounds like you're asking for permission to break up, and I don't mean that in a snotty way at all: A premarital counselor I saw with husband #1 said that to us, we got all offended and got married anyway, and it was exactly the truth. We were both looking for a way out--especially me--but we couldn't take it. We got married instead, and it was a disaster. I'm not telling you to break up with him, I'm just making an observation that you sound like you're headed that way on your own.
You need to get clear on what it is you want, and then evaluate whether you're going to get that with this man. Then you need to talk to him about it. As always, if you can get outside help--a counselor or other neutral party like a trusted member of the clergy--get it.
If I were you
this is a huge step...but if I were you I would tell your fiance that you both need to move out. It doesn't sound, to me, like you want to break up with him, but it would sound better to leave him than to be in a situation where you can't be yourselves or love one another in the ways that you want too.
Let him know, then let her know your thoughts. Tell her that you two love eachother, and although she doesn't approve of you two having pre-marital sex, she is going to have to be okay with the idea if you two are going to be living there. If she is that desperate to keep her house, she will have no choice but to go along with it anyways. My grandma is the same way...we have never stayed the night at her house, even my mom and her bf aren't allowed to sleep in the same room. Finally this year, we told her that if she wanted anyone in the family to visit then she was going to have to let that part of her beliefs go...she did! Sometimes it just needs to be brought up. It sucks, and sometimes it's hard, but it has to be done. You two should come first here.
I have been with my boyfriend
I have been with my boyfriend for over two years now and i lost my virginity to him 4 months after we got together. We used to have sex all the time, but i've put on weight recently and can't seem to feel good about myself anymore. For the past year, i haven't had a very high sex drive, which is possibly related to the contraceptive implant that i got. Our time together now consists of watching the TV or listening to music. Nothing more.
Sometimes i feel as though i want to have an affair just to see what other guys are like, but i know i couldn't do it as it would really upset him. He suggested a threesome with another girl, but won't even listen to the idea of another guy. Should i suggest that we both have fun with other people?
We both still live with our parents, so an empty house only comes by once every 2 months or so. What can i do to make myself and my boyfriend happy again?
Reconnecting emotionally
I have been with my husband for 7 years, married for 3 months. There have been many times where I have wondered why he isn't initiating sex with me. Why is it always me that has to go to him? How can he go 2 weeks or even a month without sex? I talk to my friends and they say their husbands are like clock work, at least once a week, but I feel like there has been a role reversal in my life. The thing I have come to realize is that men need to feel good about themselves just as much as women. My husband has insecurities just like I do and when he doesn't feel good about himself physically, he doesn't feel like having sex. These are the times I try to connect with him emotionally by taking a walk or doing something physical. We all feel better about ourselves after a few workouts. Plus, exercising together can be a real turn on. For us, this seems to work and in between, I've had to remind myself that it's okay to please myself every now and then. It's unrealistic to think he can please me or have time to please me every time I get an urge. With jobs and kids, it's just not realistic.
Pleasing yourself is fine but he's a fool for missing out!
sounds great to please urself
sounds great to please urself but when a man cant get it up and it stay up trying supplements is oppional but in my case they dont work for my husband we have tried everything and still it wont stay up. we use to go all night and day for days at a time but now its like we used all of our "sex" up in the first 2 years of our relationship. im so frustrated i want him to look at me the way he use to and do all the wonderful thing he wanted to do to me. i am really thinking bout going away for a couple of days and while im away him and i do what we use to. sneek away and have sex in the car and no one knowing bout it but will it work????????????
This didn't help at all
I was looking for something in particular to help with my marriage. I am not sexual, at all. Honestly, it's amazing I have 3 children, from 5 pregnancies (currently due in January). I can't even tell you the last time we had sex. Less than a week ago he made reference to listening to a local radio station that had a marriage counselor "telling people that if they are having relationship problems to go have sex with other people." I don't know if that was true or not, as I wasn't listening to the radio. I work full time, go to school full time, have a 7 year old, a 4 year old (who acts younger than his age) and a 2 year old, plus I'm 26 weeks along. I can barely stay awake, at times, just sitting down to do my school work. Once I lay down, I'm out. Doesn't matter where I lay down. I don't remember when we last had sex, but I do know that I fell asleep somewhere in the middle, which caused him to stop (thankfully). I don't wear kinky sexual stuff, and even though we text all the time (except during my work hours) I have asked him to stop with any sexually related messages; it more offends me than anything. This goes as far as him telling me that he doesn't get it enough and we need to do it more! Half the time, we only have the 2 year old (the other 2 go to their dad's a lot), but I still feel drained. We've gone as far as getting a motel room for a weekend, sitting in a hot tub, and just trying to relax; but, once again, I fall asleep laying on the bed. Is there any hope, or should I do him a favor and let him go?
trying to spice up things
i've never done this before but i'm desperate...i'm trying to find way/s to spice up things. we have two kids and my husband works out of state and stays gone for months. one would think this would excite things, but it doesn't. i know what's 'on the menu' so to say. he doesn't like lingerie, music, board games, handcuffs or anything like that. believe me, i've tried. he's coming home next month and i really want to find something that will ignite the fire that we used to have. is there anything?
All of you women who want to
All of you women who want to have sex with you husbands, get naked, get a toy and let him watch. you can order toys online, you don't have to go anywhere to get one, although it's a major turn on to go with your husband and let him help you pick something out. there are movies that involve some down and dirty sex that actually have a plot and really aren't too bad. expand your horizons. don't be a prude. if you want your man to want you, be the sexy woman that you want to be. things don't magically change just because you want them to. you have to work for it. and that means letting go of your insecurities about your body long enough to please your man and as a result you'll be pleased too. and for God's sake, take your damn shirts off!!! men LOVE boobies!!! and they don't care about the flab between your boobs and your vagina. a wet pussy (pardon my language) and hard nipples is really all they need. and they like it when they know that they are turning they're woman on too. don't give in too early and let him take what he wants, make him make you have an orgasm and trust me, it won't be long afterwards that he's coming too.
do some research. what kinds of smells are turn ons for men? get some candles in those scents. ask him what kind of perfume he likes? if he says "i don't care", experiment with different kinds and ask his opinion of each one. he will tell you, and then wear it. what's his favorite color? you don't have to buy some expensive, uncomfortable corset and thong set. get a soft, silky nighty that he can feel your body through, or see when your nipples start to get hard even though they're covered.
work for it ladies. if you want some good lovin from your man, don't just walk away and wish it would happen. make it happen. don't just sit around and cry about it and have a little pity party because you can't get laid. show him that you want him and that your're willing to go the extra mile. he needs to know that you care about what turns him on. if he says, "no, i'm not into porn" or "no, i'm not into toys" he's probably never tried so he doesn't know how sexy it can be. send the kids to Grandma's and STAY HOME. experiment and explore and don't let it end it 10 minutes.
if he tells you that he loves you and doesn't care what your body looks like, listen to him. talk about what you need with him and find out what he needs. don't freak out about not getting some every day, or even once a week. that time between sex is like a pressure build up. when it does finally happen it'll be so much more intense. everyone loves sex. but don't let a lack of it ruin your relationship. consider all the time between sex like foreplay. every kiss, every hug, every grabbing of asses, all part of the build up to that explosion of passion and lust and love.
p.s.
i am 5 years married with 3 kids, 210 pounds, pushing a 40DD, have more stretch marked skin on my stomach than not, have the infamous "dunlop" belly and still have incredible sex with my husband and he doesn't want me to lose weight because he doesn't want my big boobs to go away. it can be done.
Rock on!!!!! Come over and
Rock on!!!!! Come over and have a chat with my wife
life
My Fiance and I just had a baby 5 months ago. We have grown into a rut that we are doing the same thing everyday. We want to do something to spice up our life and make it less... boring...
My husband and I have a four
My husband and I have a four yr old daughter and an eleven month old son its hard to get frisky when u spend ur day covered in spit up and just wanting sleep so try surprising him whenever the baby is sleeping it works for me I can't tell u how much he likes it when I walk into the living room while he's watchingg tv and I start stripping and lay on the coffee table and start playing with myself. This way u get off either with or without him and trust me he will want it to be with him
Is the grass greener???
I've been with my partner for 4 years and we have a 9 month old son. I was his first and our sex life was amazing to begin with as I taught him everything my way. Unfortunately, I was told I wasn't able to conceive 1 year into our relationship which brought our sex life to an abrupt halt. We found out I was 4 months pregnant just after going through a really rough time together, but our sex life still didn't improve. However, since having our little miracle in April 2010, I can't get enough! I feel more confident now than ever before, I think it's because I feel like a woman again because I can carry a baby, a 'curvaceous' woman at that!
I just feel that my partner could take control more, I have told him how I feel but I don't feel like it's changed things. To make matters worse, I've been receiving offers of the exact type of sex that I want from other men in recent weeks. I don't want to stray but it is always on my mind. What should I do?
No I wouldn't reccommed
No I wouldn't reccommed straying because that will just make things worse but what u could try doing is during sex say u like choking? Then u put his hand on ur neck and ur hand over his and squeeze or if u like ur hair pulled? Put it up and guide him through it after a few times he will get the hint and start doing it on his own. I hope this helps
Can't be sexy??
Hello I'm 18 years old and my husband is 22. We have been together for almost 3 years and married for almost 2. We have no children. I am finding it hard to be sexy. I was talking to him one day and he told me I didn't have confidence. I didn't realize until he pointed it out. I feel stupid when I try to be sexy and I'm afraid that I'm making a fool of myself. Our sex life is fine and everything. He is in the army and Him being away a lot makes both of us want each other, but when he is out how would I keep him interested? He doesn't pressure me or anything, but I know he would really like it if I could be really sexy. I can't dance sexy or give lap dances I look like a monkey when I do. I have tried lingerie but I don't have the attitude to make it work. I feel dumb when I dirty talk and don't really know what to say. I don't really like to curse. So someone please help and give me advice on how to be sexy and not feel stupid or How can I boost my confidence?
can get him to have sex
I am 19 and my boyfriend is 29 and we have been dating over a yeat now. When we first started dating we would have sex at least twice a day. Over the months we started having sex less and less. Now we have sex about once a week. The problem with this is I have sexual desires all the time and they go unfulfilled. I have tried everything I can think of to get him in the mood. I have done most of the things you have suggested. When I kiss on him and touch him he seems to get annoyed and it hurts my feelings. Ive tried new things and send him messages and even pictures but he doesnt seem to ever notice. It is starting to take a toll on my confidence. I try to stop from getting turned on but it doesnt always work and then I get upset when I get rejected.I just want him to want me like he use to. Any advice on what to do would be very appreciated.
Hello Brittany I'm kita my
Hello Brittany I'm kita my advice to you would be, act how he's acting.I Know you said that you love him so now its your turn to play hard to get!In the time you feel your urge for him fight it and pretend he's not even there, I'm not saying not to love him but sometimes us women have to play the role of a Man just for him to understand what he's creating in y'all relationship. I know the feeling of rejection and it hurts. Even pretend he doesn't fit in your schedule, remember this is only temporary until he comes to you with the questions! But never tell him you did this purposely because he'll always use that for ammunition to get back at you and that's when Carma comes in. I hoped this helped. Goodbye
Help
Me and my husband have been married for about a year and a half. We have been together for 6 years though. We are both 21 and are in college and work fulltime jobs. We don't have kids, but both want them someday. The problem is we aren't ever intimate. Seriously, it will be atleast a month or so before I even say anyting. We are completely in love and committed to each other, it is just hard not having this aspect in our lives fulfilled. I have tried dressing sexy and trying new things, but I just don't know what to do anymore. It has made my self-esteem so low. I don't ever wear shorts or skirts anymore because I think I look disgusting. I just don't know what to do. We talk about it, and he always says he will try harder, but it is like he doesn't even notice how much time has passed since he has tried. I have given up on trying. He has turned me down so many times, I just don't even set myself up anymore. I know he is not cheating on me or anything like that, and he doesn't have a problem (down there) he just has no desire. How come I feel in love with the one guy in the world that doesn't like sex? What am I suppose to do?
Story of My life!
I have read a lot of these comments and I feel the same way! I am 20 and my bf is 23.. we have been living together for around 8 months.. dating for almost 2 years... and our sex life has sizzled! At first he ALWAYS wanted it... I seemed to be the hesitant one! Now it is switched! I seem to always be horny and he never is! It is really frustrating because I tend to look at myself and try to justify why he doesn't want it. I have tried several different things: sexy lingerie, texts, sexy messages, role playing, candles, scents, toys.... nothing seems to turn him on! He keeps telling me he loves me but gets tired... and feels like he can connect in a different way with me now that is different than sex. I always end up hurt and upset.. and then he feels bad and then we end up doing it. But I don't want to feel like I have to pressure him.. I respect him... but I feel like it is starting to interfere with our relationship! I know he is not cheating... but I am confused why he has put the brakes on!
i have been with my husband
i have been with my husband for 11 years and married for 7. im 26 and hes 32. we still have a fantastic love life. all this is because of communication. he knows what i want and i know what he wants through us both communicating with each other.
it is also important to have fantasies. and talk about these fantasies. we are lucky that we have managed to live out these fantasies and still be strong.
the most important thing is trust. if you have that then you have everything.
keep it exciting. when he is making love to you tell him that you like it. make appreciatory noises. he will love it. wear sexy things to bed. dress up. enjoy yourself. sex is about having fun but also about exploring each other. exploring each others bodies, thoughts and minds!
have fun!
oh I agree!!!
my husband and I have been together 9 years and married for 3. We have three children and our sex improves with age!! I know that it is still a little Taboo to openly discuss sex but buy toys! We spend about $25 every month on sexual exploration, and we openly discuss, pick, and pay for every order together!! Try www.midnighttoybox.com they give you a free gift to pick at check out of every purchase, my favorite part is you get to pick the gift. Of course the more you spend the pricer the gift selection but free is free and it is one more thing to add to our growing selection!!!
Can't stay "wet"
Anyone have any advice on this? I get all worked up talking and waiting for him to come over, but when he gets here I can't stay "wet", for lack of a better term, and he is often sore the next day.
Lube
Nothing wrong with using it.
Sex is boring
Age 49, menopausal for 4 years, Married 23 + years to the only man I have ever loved (we were both virgins at our wedding), mother of 3 teens/young adults and I am not interested in sex any more. Work out daily up to 2 hours a day to maintain a 40 lb weight loss I achieved 4 years ago. Husband finds my body sexy. I have stopped drinking any alcohol (too many calories), although never drank more than a glass of wine 1-2 x a week before, socially. Also follow a strict diet - low Na+, no simple carbs, no sugars, so not much fun to be with if we go to a restaurant.
My husband doesn't even try to initiate sex any more as he gets hurt every time I reject him. Also have come up with a new trick now where I wait about 10 min to get into bed after he does, knowing he'll be asleep by that time and not ask for sex.
I realize this is wrong but to me sex has become gross, boring and painful (get bladder spasms sometimes afterwards).
I know I am destroying my marriage; my husband is too wonderful a guy and doesn't deserve this. Please help!
More :sex is boring
So I guess the question is: how do I brainwash myself into liking sex again? At this point, I have no desire for anyone to enter my body and don't have sexual feelings. Yet, I know my husband is very hurt by me and is mystified that what I once enjoyed doing, I have no interest in any more. It is important for him to get the sex with me and also, as a male, to know that he is pleasuring me. Yet the thought of sex makes me feel dirty for some reason!
I feel like a sacrificial object to be poked and prodded. He has also said that I am withdrawing from him and that we don't do anything together any more ...
Usually I recommend couples counseling
But in your case, counseling for just you may be in order as well. You've got some issues around sex, obviously. That doesn't make you bad or wrong, but if you want to help your marriage you've either got to overcome your distaste or you need to help your husband find satisfaction in other ways.
Good luck. Menopause is tough (ask me how I know). Get a medical work-up and have them check your thyroid specifically. And if you're dry, look into using Replens
. It seriously helps, and not just with sex (in fact, you're not supposed to have sex for at least two hours after using it--it's not lube). I'm much more comfortable day to day now that my doctor insists on my using it.
Don't know what to do
hi I'm 25 years old with a three year old son I've been with my Hubby for five years and I'm having trouble with our sex life in the beingging it was crazy we couldn't keep our hands off each other and did it more than once a day then I had my son it got less and we had our jobs and being tired all the time and when we do have sex and it's quick and we go straight to sleep lately he's been watching porn than having sex with me and it hurts I know I gained weight and he's always telling me to lose weight and tells me that he like watching porn more cuz he's tired having sex with me and that I'm fat and I tired everything I just wanna know what can I do please help because Ima just walk out of this relationship and I don't cuz I love him too
My Husband sex drive is not as before
I am 30yrs and i have been married for a year plus now. when we were ccourting, my husband likes sex even in different positions. He can be hard for 2-3 rounds but not any more since we married. I noticed this and complained about it, his excuse is excitement but now i am hypersexy and loves sex like crazy but my husband is not. Pls how do i make him wat he use to be? I am thing of getting a drug to boost his libido...
Don't drug him
Send him to his doctor. He may have low testosterone levels.
help
hi im 24 n my partner is 24 our sex life in his part feels like it has gone. I also have to persuade him in to having it which makes me feel bad for wanting him so bad i have spoke to him on the situation and he says he understands and that some times sex is boring he says he ll change but it dont happen he says he loves me n theres only me he wants to spend his life with but it dont seem that way the more chances i have given him to leave the more he says he want to stay plus we ve got a 3 year old. He works most of the day n i work too he says he mostly feels like sex when hes at work but come weekends his still not interested. Im tired of the same arguments and the same situations but i still truly want to be with him.
please help seems like he d prefer to stay up late on games n whatching porn which he says is for new positions but i just dont know what else to do i dont want to end it but sometime it feels like i might as well
my man has Lupus he can't
my man has Lupus
he can't get it up everyday. what can help him????
His doctor will know better than I
The side effects of lupus are well-known. I'm sure his doctor has some suggestions. If not, you may need to resort to toys, and there's nothing wrong with that. A lot of guys find it very exciting to help their partners in that way even though they themselves can't directly participate. Don't discount it. There's nothing bad about that.
This whole last batch of comments can be summed up this way:
All of you who are saying you're interested and he's not--he's using porn, he says he's too tired, etc: You guys need couples counseling, like yesterday. Get some. If he won't go, go yourself.
And don't be afraid to take care of yourself
.
lol
Hi i am sorry to put this but i have checked my emails every day for a reply from this site hoping that some one can help or at least help by getting worries off my chest with some pple in the same situation. I thought that either i would be given gd ideas,explanation or at least a bit of understanding on how it makes women feel in these situations. I have read some of the comments made to womens problems and i am sorry to say you a load of sh*te.
Like myself people write into sites like this to have some one see the problem from there point of view and to be understood, also may be that if there is no one else to share the problem with then this site should give some one that change to write in and not be given replys that only give contradictions of replys to other people. Who on here would given the most confidential information and most hurtful or worring situations to some one to be given the answer go to couple counceling or his cheating.
I wont be stupid enough to right in to this site again and id advice people to read the replys given to these women as your ll find your own in there too. Sorry to right all this but these reply really did my head in if i wanted to go to counceling then dont you think people already know that its an option.
To the person who right the replys hove a look at your own relationship and put your self in these situations especialy giving your personal sex life information how would you feel having reply like you given. If you dont like it the thers always counceling. SORRY HAD TO GET THIS OFF MY MIND
sorry
sorry just wanted help
I'm sorry you got so frustrated
I do the best that I can, but keep in mind that a. I'm not the author of the article, I'm the editor of this publication (this article is from a service); and b. I'm not an expert. I have some knowledge in the area beyond personal, but at some point there's no advice anyone can give you on the internet without knowing you or your situation better than an anonymous posting. At some point, yeah, counseling IS the option.
If you've tried this, that and the other and nothing's working--you've both gone to the doctor and there's nothing wrong hormonally, you've ruled out that your partner is having an affair, you've tried looking at/reading erotica together, you've tried toys, you've tried pretend, you've done all the things suggested here and more and it's still not clicking--then it's counseling. Something's WRONG, and it's not a missing technique or position. It's nothing that I can help you with.
I'm sorry if that answer isn't the one you wanted.
The fun has gone out the window:(
I am in need of help. It seems that sex has turned into a chore, or at least that is how it feels to me. Between me working and him working add in two kids to the mix, we have occasional random sex but ithas gottwen to the point to where one will get off and the other wont and it gets frustrating. Like this morning for example, we wokeup earlier than usual and he caught me using my toy lol. no big deal so we started from there. If i move the wrong way he gets a lil irritated, so I would move back and try again. It just seems like work for him to get off, he is not a quickie kinda person never has been. Not exactly sure what to, I have gotten to the point where I will start faking Oragasms so we can finish.
start here
He needs to uncouple, so to speak, your orgasm with his. Just because you haven't had yours doesn't mean he can't have his. He'll just have to help you with yours next! If it's a big concern of his, have him take care of you first. Maybe that will free him up a little, make both of you less anxious.
And maybe if you're pressed for time, taking care of one of you at a time is going to be how it is for now. There's nothing wrong with that--as long as the unsatisfied partner gets his or hers soon after.
There were times when my kids were small that we *did* have to make appointments or it just wasn't going to happen. Resort to a sitter if you have to--arrange a sleepover with someone, *something*, so that you have some relaxed alone time to work through issues like this.
I hope I've said something that'll help.
23 and lost interest in sex
Me and my boyfriend got together at 17. We both hadn't had sex before each other. We've always had a crappy sex life. Whether it be for a year the pill making me not want it at all. Me having depression and anxiety attacks. Condoms being uncomfortable for me, so I wanted it less. Me getting bored, and him too, with it being too 'mechanical'.
Finally, after being together for 6 and a half years, being still madly in love with each other, and never having the most active sex life, we're becoming pro-active. We don't want to part. We want to be with each other forever. We have previously talked to friends about how sometimes a threesome or sex toys bring the spark back.
To be honest, I don't often feel like having sex, and it's not exciting to me. It feels like he's so used to not having it he doesn't try, and I'm not pro active so, it never happens. Or we're too tired etc.
I go to uni, so does he. I play sports 4 nights a weeks a week, and work at least 2 days as well. We do have a fairly busy life style. We've never been 100% happy with our sex life. Especially when we have bouts of not having it at all. We're having one now.
He came home today, and as I suspected after not having sex for 8 weeks in a row, he felt we weren't a 'couple' at the moment. It always happens this way, but we say, oh we'll try harder. But we don't actually try hard enough, and it fizzles out again.
Well, we've finally decide to get toys. I like toys. I find them exciting. Plus, he has let himself go a bit and put on some weight. Not that I mind too much, but anyone who says that it doesn't matter how their partner looks, is lying. I love a fit body to hold, and to look at. I'm a visual person. I get turned on when he takes care of himself. So he's started to go to the gym again.
Hopefully the toys, and the gym, and us being proactive and having control of our sex life will bring back the spark. Because in the end we love each other so much it hurts, and we're best friends, and love sex when it does happen... but the in between loss of a sex life really hurts our relationship. Does anyone think this proactive look on life and sex could fix us? I don't want to disappoint him, or myself. We mesh perfectly in everything else in our lives, just the sex dies every few months.
sometimes you have to work at it
...and that you're both committed to doing so is awesome. Yes, I think it'll help.
Threesome trouble
I need help figuring out what to do about threesomes. My bf and i have been living together for a little over a year. I have 2 kids from a previous marriage and our sex life is great but he really wants to have a threesome and i am not up for that because I think that when you really love someone it should just be you 2 physically sexually. I have told him how that makes me feel but he doesnt seem to care about that he just really wants one. I tried making a deal with him saying that we can have one with another woman if later on we also have one with another man just to make it even and fair for me but he says he doesnt want another man doing me and all of that and i told him the same thing that i dont want another woman doing him but he just doesnt get it. My opinion is that threesomes should be left for single people and not for 2 people who really love each other. Please help i dont know what to do.
Seriously if he "cant"
Seriously if he "cant" understand that (which you know he just doesnt care bout how you feel its what he wants) thence doesn't love you. Sorry my opinion he is being a dog!
UGH SERIOUSLY ADVISE PLEASE!!
OK I AM 22 YEARS OLD, MY BOYFRIEND (25) AND I ARE VERY BLESSED WE HAVE TWO BEAUTIFUL CHILDREN 4 YR OLD BOY AND ONE YR OLD GIRL WE LIVE TOGETHER BEAUTIFUL HOME WE BOTH HAVE GOOD JOBS.... BUT AT THE END OF THE DAY I AM TOO TIRED! I WORK 40 HRS A WEEK THEN COME HOME TAKE CARE OF KIDS ONCE I LOOK AT THE BED OR COACH I JUST WANT TO SLEEP. I feel as if I'm too young to feel this way. Sex is great when I'm awake I'm l into it everything great but just feel tired to do anything fun anymore. But when I do go out with my friends I have a lot fun (which I wish my bf would come out with me but he doesnt like to do bars and clubs) mind u I don't go out alot but he perfers to stay home in drink and dance with me at home but please understand when i am home all I want to do is relax and sleep. So he really doesn't see the fun part of me because all we do is work n home work n home.
I feel we have a boring realationship someone please help me I really want the laughter the fun in this realationship the happy. This can effect the whole family what cane do? What others things you think we can-do together at home or out? Any board games thst are fun for couples? Or even for the whole family? Anyone know about vitamins for me to help me keep energized and sexually active?? Thanks.
i know of one board game its
i know of one board game its called the loving game my bf and i have used it a few times before it really helps u open up to each other.
DESPERATELY NEED HELP
so i need advice me and my boyfriend our parents of a beautiful 8month old lil girl. we used to have sex multiple times a day. now i can barely get him to make love to me once a week. and we do make love its always on our sides he never looks at me and watches tv. ive tried out fits dirty talk, sneeking in the shower and still no interest ive even offered anal even though i've never had it. he says hes attracted to me and im great in bed but cant get any sexual arosual outta him. any advice?
My Experience
spicing up
hello.
im commenting because im just trying to think of some new ideas for spicing up me and my boyfriends love life. i am 19 yrs old and hes 27. weve been together for almost 2 yrs and have been living with eachother for a yr in oct. it seems that my boyfriend has such a huge sex drive and i just dont. he tells me constantly that it bothers him that he always wants to have sex and i just dontfeel like it sometimes. today im home from work and im trying to surprise him with candles, bubblebath, dinner and soe sexy clothing. im just not sure if i have the confidence to go about it.... or even if im going about it correctly. do you have any ideas of houw i should try doing these tasks to maybe show him how much i love and appreciate him and the last ting i want him to think is that he bad n the sack...
(he clearly not!)
thank you!!
Please help me! I'm out of ideas
Hello, I really need some advice. Iv been with my bf a year on 3rd of December I know he's in love with me I can tell by the things he does for me, but sex wise isn't great and it's starting to get me down ever since we met we have had sex most days but I think he sees it as something he's got to do I have a high sex drive we have talked about it and said we should try sexy outfits which I have tried although it as got him going he says it doesn't really do much for him so I fear it's put on. He doesn't much like receiving oral as he says it does nothing for him not just with me but with exs too. Only places we have ever had sex is the bedroom and bathroom Iv suggested his car etc. He wants to try toys but Im just not really that sort of girl. He finds it hard to open up too and the sex thing as been an issue more or less since we got together but it is getting worse I just feel so down, I know it's not but sometimes I feel it's me like I'm not good enough he just clams u and won't let me in and ignores me which gets me really wound up I just don't know what to do he just seems more of a cuddly and kissing person than having interest in sex I'm just not that person I love sex I love oral.
Please help me any advice suggestions would be great.
Thank you!
After reading the article and a LOT of comments - I have helped to spice up the sex life of my boyfriend and I. We are both 17 and just graduated. We want to stay together and grow up together, note I said grow up, not spend life. We said we'd see about that after we finished growing up
our sex wasn't boring as such but more predictable than anything. With a few more pieces of lingerie under my belt, an empty house now that we've graduated and his parents work all day, some more sexy talk and a little bit of spontaneity, things have worked out fantastic! We even got up the courage to have sex outside for the first time! I urge anyone with problems to do this, it's not only romantic but the adrenaline rush brought on by the possibility of capture brings back all the excitement to having sex or even just foreplay! Thank you so much! 
all the above
help!
Hi there I'm 23 and my boyfriend is 24. We have been together for almost a year now.the sex use to happen a couple times a week and now it happens every 2 weeks. I have tried putting on sexy clothes when I go to bed and that use to start us having sex but now....he doesn't do anything now when I do that. I dont know what to do now....
I caught my husband watching porn insteed of being with me
Talk to your doctor about
Talk to your doctor about using a diaphram.
Porn, Insicurities, etc
As for the porn... well they are men... men like women... its human nature... Do you walk past a guy thinking nice ass??? Well thats how he feels about porn... nice to watch, great to try and dont make him feel like he has to hide it around you. You can actually start doing what you see and it will blow his mind!!
Hope all of this helps for someone
Hi lynn, I think my
Hi lynn,
I think my sistuation is almost like others. Ive been marries for 4 years im 22 and my husbands 29. At first sex was awesome had it about 3-4 times a day different positions, different places, soon after i had my child, it seemed like if we didnt have time for that, i would begg him to have sex with me and all he would say is im tired i have to wake up early for work, about 2 yrs after his so called friend was flurting with me and he wanted us to have a relationship, i could do that to my husband, being in the situation i was in i just couldnt, soon after my husband found out about it and he changed for a little, he started paying more attention to me and stuff, but, it didnt last for a whole lot, he went back to his old ways and i said to myself im tured of this im not beging again, so now our relationships like whatever if he wants to have sex its cool and if not then thats cool to. But deep down i realy do care. What should i do? Ive also tried to be romantic kissing him hugging him treating him like a king, and it seems like hes not that intrested anymore? HELP!
Please can someone help??
Me and my boyfriend have been dating for almost a year now and lets just say our sex life has went out the window.. We use to have sex 3 or 4x a day and now it's like 2 or 3x a week.. Im in the mood for it but it's trying to get him in the mood is the problem.. I don't know what to do
could our age difference be the problem? I'm 24 and his 31. I've tryed almost everything I can think of.. It's really starting to bother me cuz I don't know what to do anymore
My husbands sex drive
My husbands sex drive disappeared the day after our wedding night. Weve been married 45 years and we only had sex or any kind of intimacy just one time. That was my first last and only time to have sex. Since the day after our wedding till today he has lived in our basement. Also he has been working the midnight shift all these years. and I was told that he didn't want me to bother or talk to him. So we have been apartment dewellers, I think I've seen him maybe once or twice this years. I've never understood what went wrong and never will know. I do know I've been lonely, depressed and very much disappointed in how our lives together turned out. Hes retired now, so I found a part time job that gets me out of the house and I've been going on alot of vacations with gals from my church, I don't think he cares where I've been or gone. I now distrust all males even the minister at church, its a horrible way to go through life.
he is just not that it to me
games
I always like to play games. Adds a little excitement to the mix. Normally we just make up our own rules for whatever with strip versions of something or other. Tried a few board games but nothing was all that great. Tried one android app called Mattress Mambo that was good. Anyone have other ideas?
I am so thankful to this man and i will forever publish his name
I have been in bondage ever since my ex leaves ME for another man,It was really hell for me and everybody told me to forget about her but i could not because i love her so much. Things get worse until my friend introduced me to this great spell Therapist ONIHA and i contacted him through his email winexbackspell@gmail.com i explain everything to him and he cast a spell for me immediately after four days, everything turn around and my love come to me on her knee begging for forgiveness that i am the one and only man in her life now. I was surprise i have never seen such a miracle in my life. I am so thankful to this man and i will forever publish his name Therapist Oniha of the winexbackspell@gmail.com is the greatest.
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