I think that's a good suggestion about taking her to the doctor, I hadn't thought of that. Good idea about her going to a youth club too, she used to go to one at one point, I don't know what happened about that. It may be that is one of the privileges that have been withdrawn.

I didn't mean to suggest that a couple of lunches would sort it all out. I was thinking of making a start on improving her relationship with her mother really. I would look after the younger child once a week or so if it would help. Although he can be difficult, he has a kind of 'little brother' relationship with my DS12, so they get along quite nicely.

Fern, my friend had been called in to a meeting to discuss her DD's work and behaviour, and was telling the Head that the behaviour at home was just as bad and that she didn't know what to do because no punishments work. That is the context in which the Head made her suggestion.

She was wilful and could be a bit rude as a younger child and it has got worse as she has grown older. Everything has just escalated over the last year or so, since she started at the secondary school. There is a real 'yob culture' operating in this area (East London) and some of what goes on in the schools is appalling. Even this school, which academically is the best in the local area and which people try hard to get their children into. I think my friend's daughter is easily led and it would help if she had positive role models amongst her friends. She seems to gravitate towards the troublemakers, however. Her mother has no idea where she goes when she is out of the house, and can't trust anything that she says.

She has a 'learning mentor' assigned to her at school, but is as rude and uncooperative with her as she is to her mother and the teachers. I believe they do have a counselor at the school though, maybe that is worth a try. That would only help if she could be persuaded to go, though.