I mean, I never once in 30 years thought he'd ever be back in my life, and I still don't. I will fall over backwards in a dead faint if he answers my email. I will fall over in a semi-dead faint if he even reads it.

We were very, very young, and I was very, very stupid, and there really wasn't any way it would ever have had a good outcome. But I did miss him, painfully, and I've never stopped wondering if he was all right. The last couple of times I saw him, he was not all right. Just knowing he was doing well enough to register at classmates, and the little bit of info he gave there (almost nothing) was good to know.

It just came at kind of a weird time. One of my oldest and dearest friends is extremely ill with pancreatic cancer, and I've spent a lot of the last few days crying anyway. I'm an emotional mess, and to see A's name when I'm already so emotional was bittersweet.

Lynn Siprelle, Editor