this is all pretty pathetic, but hopefully it means we're getting on with life rather than talking about it I suppose.

I've sort of got a couple of sickies in the house. I say sort of, because last night DD was all stuffed up with cold and clearly had the start of the nasty cough my parents had all week, and DS started throwing up out of the blue. Today DD was still blocked up this morning but DS seemed fine and now they've got some friends here (whose parents may well come and hunt me down if they get sick!). So I'm not sure whether this will die down enough for us to have a fairly normal week or whether I can expect utter chaos. I've never yet had to work when the kids have been ill.

Actually I realised the other morning on the way into work that I've never EVER worked through the winter. I worked a couple of weeks out of one Christmas holiday in university and swore I'd never again spoil my Christmas break that way. Other than that I did temping every summer, and even the months before I had DD when I was working for DH's former employer (now our franchisor!) I worked from March to August in a country that has no seasons and it's always daylight between 7am and 7pm. No wonder I get wound up having to go back into the office at about 4pm some days when it's dark and very often seems deserted (everyone in the other offices around us works odd hours anyway). I've had all kinds of working experiences but it didn't occur to me that I'd never worked right through the winter before.

I'm going to write some delayed morning pages in a bit. I wrote one sheet last night but felt that snatching some sleep might be beneficial instead... I then spent the next 3 or 4 hrs getting up to see to DS and his upchucking every 40mins or so I think!

I've never felt so out of control of where my life is going as I have in the last few months. I feel like I'm just being borne along on the tide, and that the only thing I can do is to try and keep my head above water until it's time for me to reach the shore and take back control of all our lives. With a second shop opening on Tuesday, a huge increase in the number of deliveries needing to be made and only a tiny intake of staff to cover all this, even the keeping my head above water part isn't easy. We've got some plans though. Our accountant, one of my best friends, has found ways to help take some of the load off us with regards to our accounts and payroll, which has been causing increasingly large problems for us. It looks like we may be able to take on a more senior sales manager to take some of the load off DH so he can spend some time helping me to set up the office side of things and new delivery systems which I just don't have time for as things currently are. I'm hoping my own role will have been dramatically reduced by the end of the year, particularly with DD going to high school in September when I think she will need more support than she currently does. At the moment she's relatively self-sufficient and confident with a good size group of friends, fairly popular with almost all the teachers and her small size makes her a pet rather than a threat. I think that could change in high school where she may not be able to get away with being small and cute. She may just appear very infantile and naive, and attract some negative attention. I hope that's not the case, but she's the absolute opposite of street-wise, which would kind of be fine with me, but it makes her very vulnerable I think. DS will probably also need some emotional support when he's back to being on his own in school - they were both overjoyed when we came here to find that they'd be in the same school. Their closeness is great in many ways, but their lack of independence from each other can be a disadvantage.

I'm definitely rambling now, so I'll go and ramble on paper!

Kerri.