those books are pretty well known although I have not read them,they sound like they will be good. When you started describing your DD I thought you were going to say she was a pre teen or teen!
My DS is almost 12 and those are the kinds of things that surface here on bad days. Any way,my two cents would be to not give too much attention to the behavior. Actors do not perform without an audience,if you know what I mean. Also,to pick your battles. Which behavior is the most dangerous or uncomfortable? Focus on positive changes SLOWLY there and not the whole set of things that come up. Does that make any sense? Hope it helped. Remember,all kids defy and act out so it is part of their development. Don't take it as a personal attack on you or your parenting. Best wishes!

Heidi