I'm sorry you've had to make a choice that's giving you so much pain. I do feel sure that you all will weather it and that God will turn it to something good. (Note: religious content provided b/c if I recall correctly Hata is Christian.)

Of course, that's impossible to see now! So yes, be gentle with yourself. And if you can manage it, be gentle with DH too. We too are finding that realizing the dreams of two separate people -- especially people with limited $$! -- is a complicated process. That "shared dream" can be hard to visualize and hard to wait for. I know that dream -- many dreams -- will come for us, and they will for you too.

Until then, peace be with you!

Shaun
www.homeschoolblogger.com/shaunms