Be gentle with yourself, Anhata. Periods of transition are always challenging especially when you have to move in a direction you don't really want to head. When my eldest was born, I really wanted to stay home with her, but financially we just couldn't swing it without making sacrifices my husband wasn't willing to make (sell our house, leave California, etc). I was heartsick. There were days I just cried and cried knowing that I was mere days away from handing my baby to a caretaker and heading back to work. In the end, though, it worked out well and was what we needed to set us up for where we are now. Because I worked for a while, we were in a much better position financially and now I'm able to stay home with my girls.

I don't know if it helps, but remember this is temporary and is what you need to do to make your dream happen - it is just going to take a while before it happens.

Angel