I think what I take personally is my behavior in a situation. For instance, my son has a habit of telling me he loves me or wants a hug when I am in the middle of doing something. I know it is because his other ways of getting me to take a break aren't working (I do end up doing projects for hours straight so it isn't an every-fifteen-minutes thing) but he really does mean it, he is very sincere. I feel annoyed at the interruption and I act annoyed with him. So I teach him that telling someone you love them or wanting to snuggle them will often result in that person being irritated with you. I do believe we do the best with what we had at the time but I don't believe we should continue to be ignorant and use that phrase as a catch all. And if anyone thinks that the way we interact with our children doesn't shape who they are, they are living in a dream world. I don't really want to be excused, I want to be held accountable for my part of his life. There will be time enough when he is an adult to wash my hands of his decisions. At 4, however, I am still teaching him how to be a good person and young children learn best, not by words, but by actions and example. I really don't see why all replies to this are so adamantly about me just continuing on when I really want to change.