Seriously, one of the hardest lessons I've had to learn, and I'm still trying to get a grip on it, is that my kid's tantrums, emotionalism, acting up, whatever, honestly has very little to do with me and everything to do with them. You can't take it personally.

It seems like it's all about you and your parenting, but most times, it's all about them.

That seems counterintuitive? I've had the opportunity to observe some aMAZing moms at work with their kids in the middle of a "moment". The thing that impressed me the most was when a mom DIDN'T take the temper tantrum personally, as I would have done, but totally kept her focus on the moment and what the child was saying to her. Totally listening to what the child was saying and letting the obstinancy the kid was throwing up slide right on by.

If two people are being obstinant, even if one is a parent the other a child, the wall between them just gets thicker and thicker until nothing helpful can get through. In my family (growing up) that could easy escalate into something ugly. I sometimes think my life's work is to learn how to NOT take it personally.

Don't automatically assume that your children's challenging behavior is because of some lack in you, something you have or haven't done, or something that you're not doing right. If you don't feel like you're emotionally equipped to deal with challenging behaviors, by all means, look for help, but don't automatically go to "if I were only a better parent...". Tell yourself, often if you must, that You're Doing The Best You Can With The Information That You Have At This Time.

For boys I always recommend "The Wonder of Boys", Oh, and if you're open to it, read The Tao of Motherhood by Vimalia McLure. Very helpful in focusing on what's really important. "There is nothing more receptive and flowing than water, yet there is nothing better for polishing the stone. A mother's nature is paradox. Your strength is in your gentleness. Your authority is in receptivity. Your power is in letting go."

Anhata
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