What I'm getting out of your post is that you are beating yourself up for the person you are, and have been all your life. Don't! You are who you are. We all have parts of our personality that we don't like, and we should always strive to improve upon ourselves, but don't put yourself into a box of "perfection" and then beat yourself up because it's impossible to live up to it.

Everyone is different, and I think that's wonderful, as long as it's not in an extreme sense such as a tendency to do harm to others. Being different is what makes each of us special, makes us unique like a snowflake. Each snowflake that falls is different in some small way, as we are.

Know your faults and work on improving them, but don't think you're a bad person just because you're not as emotional as someone else. Being emotional carries it's own problems, such as always thinking everyone is out to hurt you and doesn't love you.

The overly emotional person needs to work on their personality just as the person who doesn't show much emotion. All types of people need to try to create a balance and moderation, but it's not so important that we cause ourselves to end up with low self esteem, thinking we're not "normal". We are ALL normal, whatever normal is.

As far as your children...I've got three sons, all grown and married. They are all different in their personalities, and they all grew up to be fine young men. I know I made a lot of mistakes raising them, because I am not a perfect human being, just as no parent is. We just do the best we can.

I think the most important thing we can try to teach our children is to respect others and try not to bring harm to them. To treat others as they would want to be treated, kind of like putting the other person's shoes on to see where they're coming from.

One of my sons was very difficult to raise from the time he started interacting with us and others. He was overly sensitive and got angry or hurt if one of us said anything to him. To him, everything was an assult and we were out to get him. He thought we didn't love him if we tried to correct him in any way, and no amount of telling him different changed his mind. He held grudges for days.

He wanted to learn to play ball like his other brother, but it was impossible to teach him because if my husband tried to show him how to do something he took it as a personal insult and would run into the house mad at the world.

After dealing with him for so many years, we lost our wits a few times and took his bait, agruing with him. It just turned into a shouting match and made things worse. I even told him one time he was like Nellie Olsen on "Little House", always thinking we didn't love him, always running to his room and sulking. He told me after he was grown that it still hurt to remember us calling him "names" and putting him down. And I can remember telling him he was bull-headed, stubborn, willful, acting silly, etc. It was all true, but if I had it to do over again, I wouldn't make him feel even worse by saying things like that to him. He was having a hard enough time dealing with his emotions as it was. I would just let him be "him" and go on about my business and wait until he calmed down to reassure him that we did love him, and that he needed to try to not take everything we did or said so personally.

I have the bad habit of reacting with my own anger when someone else shows anger. It's like a snowball effect with me. And he had a lot of anger in him. But don't get me wrong, you can't let your child go around slamming doors off their hinges, or throwing things. You have to put your foot down when it comes to that. But if it's just an inner battle they're displaying, getting angry and running to their room, I think you need to just let them calm down and then try to talk to them, without personal insults and reassure them that you do indeed love them and hope they realize it one day.

With children like that, there is an inner battle going on inside them that they are projecting onto other people and blaming them for what they are feeling. They're having an even harder time making it to adulthood than the average child. I don't know why they have their inner demons, or the perfect way to handle it, except just reassure them as many times as they need it and not allow it to wear you down.

Another thing I would be sure to do would be to verbally praise them more. Not just give them negative attention when they were doing something wrong, but pay attention when they did something good and praise them for it. Give them a hug and kiss for it and tell them what a good thing they did or said. I did do that, but not often enough. Life is a harried race when you're raising children and you have your hands full trying to get everything done yesterday, and you tend to not stop often enough to give a hug and a word of praise.

We must have done something right, because now he's one of my best friends. He calls almost everyday and we talk like two pals. We always tell each other we love the other one before we hang up, just as we do with all of them. And the greatest thing is he believes us!

Just like my other two, he's grown into a fine human being and who everyone tells us is the nicest, most courteous young man they've ever met. He does still have problems with getting nervous and is on medication for that, and it is working wonders in keeping him balanced.

So don't lose heart if you think you have a problem child. Just continue to treat them with love and try to instill kindness into them. Don't think none of it is sinking in. It may take years before you see your teachings had an effect, but one day you will see it!

I'm not trying to come off like an expert on child-rearing. I'm just speaking from the experience of raising a difficult child. And please don't take too much stock in all the books out there written by so-called experts. Have more confidence in yourself and get rid of that guilt you're packing. Guilt is never good for anything but tearing you apart and making you miserable.

Stop worrying about things from your past and concentrate on now. The things in our past we can do nothing about. I said earlier if I could go back I'd change some things, but who wouldn't? I only know that it turned out alright anyway.

You're going to have many more trials ahead in raising your children, and you're going to do just fine. Just love them, teach them right from wrong, let them know you'll always be there for them, send the guilt packing, and you'll do just as good a job of parenting as anyone else has done.

Sorry for this long comment...I tend to get a little windy once I get started!
Rachel