As with most parenting methods, programs, or schools of thought, I both agree and disagree with Alfie's article. I do think a lot of kids are beaten over the head with unnecessary praise. But I also think that praise has its place. Little kids are motivated (not exclusively, of course) by wanting to please their parents. If Mom's pleased, kid's pleased. It's part of the way that kids develop their emotional lives ... by co-opting the feelings of those important to them. If my daughter works hard on drawing circles and coloring them in and I say nothing or ask questions, she looks rather crestfallen. If I say, "Oh, I see some red circles there," she looks confused. If I get excited and say, "Hey, Danika, those are great circles!" she gets very excited and draws a lot more circles (and has fun doing it). Sure, "great" is a value judgement, but my approval and my happiness are important to Danika at this age. I don't parise her every move, but when she does something neat or something she's obviously proud of, I have no problem letting her know I'm happy, too. I also tell my husband when I think he's done a good job, and I don't think it has a detrimental effect on him, either.

I also don't think that telling her "good job" when she's done what I want her to and made life more convenient for me is always bad, either. She's learning that it's good to be accomodating to others and that being helpful is a positive social value (and she's learning it in language she can understand).

If all you ever say to your kid is "good job," that's probably not great. But an occasional "good job" is fine, imo.

Danna =]

Ps. The other day I wrote my first narrative for a volunteer thing I'm doing now. The coordinator sat down and went over it with me and told me I'd done a great job on it. Yes, we talked about some specifics, but the conversation-ending "great job!" made me feel ... well, great!