And have no boy children, however, I grew up with two of my brothers (I have three) and have an opinion on everything, just ask me.

What I see here are people encountering a woman (the author of the article) who is not indocrinating her boys into what is being called the "Boy Code" and the resulting tension between that and what the readers think is appropriate.

Hair length is an arbitrary thing, determined by your culture or subculture. As long as you are honest with your children about your expectations and your values as they apply to your child's appearance, I don't see a problem. One mother does not cut her boy's hair because the boy wants to look like Aragorn in Lord of the Rings and she humors this phase, another mother has her boy's hair cut every other week at the barber shop, whether the boy wants to or not. One is taking a child-centered approach, the other is taking a value-centered approach. As long as neither child is harmed or humiliated in the process, each mother is doing the right thing for her child.

As for the breastfeeding boy, there are several reasons that I would not prohibit my own (hypothetical) young boy from doing this kind of play. One is the "Gender Straightjacket" that (mistakenly) prohibits feminine feelings, dependence, warmth and empathy in boys. Studies have shown that boys who are allowed to express their natural nurturing tendenciem grow up to be very emotionally stable and are good parents themselves.

Another is the fact that children play differently at different ages for different reasons. Children do not play "realistically", that is, playing imitates life closely for developmental purposes, until they are over seven years old, maybe as late as nine years old. A three or five year old boy or girl nursing is doing imitative play that is perfectly appropriate for their age. If you still see the boy breastfeeding a baby at the age of eight, you might legitimatly start asking why, but for toddlers and preschoolers forbidding them to do this nurturing activity may inhibit or shame them, which is against my core parenting principals.

My question is, why does the idea of a little bitty boy breastfeeding a baby doll alarm so many people? Is it homophobia? Is it violating the Boy Code? What is it about your expectations of little boys that makes this unaccaptable? Would you forbid your daughter to do play that imitates her father's activities? Which ones, and why?

This author is trying to raise her sons to be not just good boys but good humans. Yes, boys and girls are different. That is particularly obvious. But should boys and girls be forced into being "this kind" of boy or "this kind" of girl in order to satisfy the needs or wishes of the parent, or should boys and girls be allowed the freedom to become the person they're comfortable being?

The point of parenting, to me, is to learn who your child is and go from there, not to tell your child what they are.

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"If you want yor children to be bright, read them fairytales-- if you want them to be brilliant, read them even more fairytales" Albert Einstein