Joanna,
Let me start by saying thank you for sharing, I don't have the solution, but do feel like you have been given some great advice. It's hard to do, the zero contact thing, but sometimes for the best. I have a similar situation with my mother who is an alcoholic, and very self centered. Like Charlene, I didn't realize how self centered until I had children of my own. I have yet to cut off contact with her, but pray for the strength to do just that almost daily. She (like Charlene's mom) makes me cry way too often. I don't want to sound like I'm trying to make this topic about me and my toxic relationship with my mom. Just wanted to let you know that your not alone, it helps me alot to hear Charlene's story, I guess maybe gives me strength, makes me feel like not SUCH an awful daughter. I do belive that you have to do what's right for your family. You have to take care of YOU so that your at your best for your family. I know it's hard, it just doesn't seem "normal" to cut off contact with your mom (or dad) but hey, now as a parent myself I know it's not "normal" to treat your children the way my Mom has treated me, or for your Dad to put you threw the things he's put you threw. I know I'm rambling now, just wanted you to know your not alone and you will be in my thoughts